Please give me the guts to initiate things

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I live by a city with a population of 100,000.

Does anybody else have problems with doing and just thinking all day? I think and never do, and it's killing me, and has delayed my maturity by 10 years. I just want to break out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I'm tired of being all in my house alone, I'm tired of my life. I wish all my commitments, schedules, etc. had a big "RESET" button and my whole life would be a clean slate again and I can start over. I feel like I socially declined, I never got to hang out with anyone outside of a certain context, and now it's too late. It's always one obstacle that presents itself before the other.

I don't drive a car, have a job, etc. Why didn't my mom actually BEG me to get a job when I was a little younger? I volunteer places, but that's not enough for a 25 year old's social life. I don't want to die not having a social life or friends. I would totally rebel against my parents, staff, etc. but I wish I could figure out a way. I feel so stuck and there isn't anyway out of here. I'm tired of throwing this emotional baggage onto my mom, but also spouting off on internet forums. I'll admit that my ultimate end is to find a new girlfriend and also have a rich social life I can call my own. I don't want to have to settle for any girl either. I want a attractive, socially active girl. She doesn't need to be super popular, but she must have some social life.

I want to develop my self presentation too. I want to own myself and my style. I own nothing in my life. I want to make some progress before the end of the year, and I want to start RIGHT NOW, I don't want to wait to go back to school in Fall.

My life is being destroyed. I feel too awkward to go to the bars where young people hang out. I haven't been out of my shell in 5-10 years.

I wish for a coherent, step-by-step guide to maturity. I don't think I have the ability to initiate even the smallest steps myself, I'm always going to need some support. I've been delayed too much, I missed out on a lot of the coming of age things most teens and young adults have experienced. And No I AM NOT saying this because society is "telling me" to do this. It sounds irrelevant to me.

And if you think this is a thread not for advice, you are mistaken.

People on the spectrum (you and all the rest of us) are survivors of what all AS people currently endure to a larger or smaller extent:
marginalisation, stigmatisation, discrimination, misunderstanding (of us, of AS), demeaning labels and insults, (I could probably go on and create a very large list) but I hope you will get the picture: it doesn't surprise me that so many AS people become discouraged, isolated and lose confidence. You have had the courage and strength to survive these for 20 or so years, so....

I don't think your problem is likely to be, at its centre, "a lack of guts" or at least not in the usual meaning of that phrase. You may be experiencing a state of "Learned Helplessness" at this point in your life; knowledge is power, and if you think that may be an issue for you, then google about recovery from it.

If you are constantly putting yourself down, berating yourself in insulting ways, then you have possibly internalised the negative messages and negative treatment that AS people encounter so often; it's pretty hard not to given the vast number of incidents in daily life and the media which attack the self worth of AS people, while encouragement, understanding and support is rare. So keep this in perspective.

Confidence is more likely to return after achieving a goal, than before attempting it. The old adage about "one thing at a time" works for me in terms of goals; set one goal and list the small steps to it (when you are ready). Use all the support and knowledge you can find here on WP.

What I am certain of from your post is that you are feeling very discouraged and alone. You have reached out on WP (great) and there are many older threads which address your kind of current situation. The easiest way to find them is by Google search rather than do a search within WP. See what connects meaningfully with your own experience.

Rebuilding hope and confidence seems to be speeded up by three things: learning from others, being validated, treating yourself with kindness and respect. Getting the rest you need is important too.

I hope you find new and useful knowledge from previous threads re your issues now. Good luck. A new journey in a new direction may be closer than you think.

Listen to B19, that's some good stuff.