Aspie with Empathy

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I'm not sure who came up with the stereotype that people with an ASD lack empathy. I feel it's somewhat a myth. I'm not dismissing the fact that there are some people with autism lack empathy, but I don't think they lack it because they have autism. For as long as I can remember, I've always had a heightened sense of feeling emotions. The moment I walk into a room of people, I can easily collect the general mood of it. I always know if something is wrong based off of someone's body language or the way someone's voice is. Even the slightest change in someone's voice sends a message to my mind that tells me there is something off. This has been an issue with me for a while.

I call it an issue because it gets in the way of how I perform my job at work. I have to communicate with coworkers and customers and this can be difficult when body language and facial expressions come into play. I especially have this issue with one coworker in particular. This particular coworker has a reputation of being...well, frigid. Don't get me wrong: I can be the same way a lot. I've sort of developed this way over the past five years. But when I have it mirrored back at me, it's a different story. I feel like every word I say and every move I make, it's wrong because of the disposition of my work colleague. Because of the way I am, I blame myself. I'm told constantly by my family that it's not me, it's them. And as much as I want to believe that, I...don't. I've dealt with people like this colleague in the past and no matter how many of these personalities I encounter, I can never get over it.

So, it's tension. All the dang time. I feel so disliked in this work place that everything I do feels so criminal. Picking up the phone, throwing something away, even blowing my nose- it all feels wrong. By this coworker. And I blame my overabundance of empathy. I feel everything, and it's the worst. The minute I walk into that pharmacy, I feel hated. I just can't take it. I want to find a different job, but change??? What's change?!? I hate change, I hate the slightest change in my routine. I've been doing this routine for 3 years. It may not seem like a long time, but doing this over and over for 1,095 days can really build up a solid routine.

And I refuse to approach this coworker. I've been advised by my family to talk to this coworker to get things settled and put into the air. I'm afraid, however. I've never been one to put things out there. I let it build up without addressing it. I'm like that with my family, with friends, with everybody. So, I decide to live in tension.

Do any of you have more empathy than a NT? Do you like having it or hate it?

It's part of the classic Aspergers syndrome. Today they mix all people who are emotional different together and call them all together autistic. I'm quite the opposite of you.


Do you mean emotional cold or just negative? How does she smile? Cold, dishonest, rejecting, never?

I have empathy too. I try to see other people's point of view instead of criticising, even if inwardly I don't agree with them. I naturally pick up other people's moods and get affected by it. If someone is crying I cry too, or at least have an urge to cry. I usually think about other people's feelings, if I know something upsets someone then I don't do it. I am good at recognising people's emotions through body language, and I get very sensitive to tones of voice.

I can also feel awkward moments, which I wish I didn't. If a room full of people suddenly goes quiet, I feel the "awkward silence". Or if there's an awkward social faux pas among other people having a conversation, I can feel their awkwardness or embarrassment, as though I was the one who made the social faux pas.

I get easily influenced by other people's feelings, for example usually before a motive I mentally make sure my motive won't upset anybody first. Like at work if I am ahead and have run out of work to do, instead of doing someone else's work, I'll ask people first if they need any help, not just steal their work, as it may annoy them.

I feel like I have more or less depending on how we're defining empathy.

If we're talking about the emotional contagion aspect, I generally have a dulled sense of this. Crying in front of me elicits no innate reaction, although I will likely try to comfort because I do care about the wellbeing of others. I don't get into a group vibe very easily. I can pick up on mood changes towards me though, especially if they come across as negative. I can have enjoyable, reciprocal interactions with a single individual I know very well. Otherwise I fake it for social "passing" and avoid it if I can. It sucks to have this problem, because so much bonding is done through this sub-textual emotional communication. Everyone basically presumes you do this normally. I think it's a large part of why I end up alienated over time; I probably emotionally wound others unintentionally by not responding as expected.

If we're talking about rationalizing perspectives, I used to be abysmal at it and have since achieved proficiency. It took a lot of failure, pain, and threat of severely degraded life outcomes to cause this awareness to develop. It also took a lot of education regarding human motivations. I understand rather well at this point how to imagine another's perspective, given sufficient information about their background, unique qualities, and current situation.

If we're talking about compassion, then I care too much about people. If I read a news story addressing the unnecessary suffering in this world, it can hurt me deeply, and I can "place myself in another's shoes" and feel something because of it. I almost can't stand the pain of trying to fathom how awful humanity is to itself and how generally ignorant most humans seem to be about it.