Skilpadde wrote:
I think it's pretty normal.
My mother had an old book series on child development (long since chucked out) that among other things mentioned that if parents saw their offspring with other kids (without the kids seeing them), they likely wouldn't recognize their kid's behavior. The book mentioned a little bit about group behavior being different from individual behavior.
Kind of a pity that we trashed those books because they were actually quite good, very realistic. The authors actually knew about kids, they weren't naive. I briefed through it before we got rid of them, and parts of them were actually sorta interesting.
Also, before going on, I just want to say that all popular kids are nor brats /more bratty than others, nor does being unpopular equate to being an angel. I find that all /most kids can go either way based on mood, company and other circumstances.
I remember my own childhood well, and I know I sometimes behaved brattish. Sometimes I did do bratty things alone, other times I did bratty things along with others, and the same for non-bratty behavior, but yeah, kids are more likely to do so with company than alone. Speaking for myself, when I acted bratty along with other kids I never did so to be accepted, I only did so because I wanted to. I chose to follow up, I never felt forced. If I had truly not wanted to, I wouldn't have.
Occasionally I did things I knew would get me in trouble if my parents knew, and it wasn't peer pressure or not knowing it was considered wrong. No one is a perfect angel and most kids do find glee in being bad at times. It could be fun, exciting, a kick. If it meant excluding or picking on another kid, it also created bonds, us against you, I'm in, you're out.
I think it's important to keep in mind that most people aren't good or bad period, they are shades of grey.
Kids (and adults) can sometimes feel pressured to do things they don't want to because they don't dare say no, and things can get out of hand. Sometimes we do things in groups we wouldn't choose (or sometimes dare, sometimes wouldn't consider) to do alone.
It's the nature of social animals, I think.
I've known a couple kids in my neighborhood who would act good when their parents are around but once their parents are not in the picture, they would act mean. The sad thing is parents are naive enough to think how they see their kid acting is how they act all the time so they dismiss any complaints about their child. That is why parents have to spy on their children and not let themselves be seen or noticed by their own children just to see how they act in different situations. When you are a child, you don't get a private life. Those who do tend to be brats and manipulative because their parents believe their lies and the kid puts on an act because they know their parents will buy it. I also think parents believe their kids over other kids and adults because it's easier. My mom calls that being lazy.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
19 Dec 2017, 12:00 pm
