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I cannot tell my mother I love her

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Rockingnoelle
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27 Feb 2018, 9:20 am

I can say “I love you” to other members of my family. I have to force it out, and I feel uncomfortable with it in the moment, but it’s true.
But I cannot say “I love you” to my mother, who neglected me for years as a young child, and who did hard drugs while breastfeeding (the reason why I’m autistic and dyspraxic.) I never have easily been able to say this. Should I feel terrible?



whatamievendoing
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27 Feb 2018, 10:07 am

I don't blame you. If I had a parent like that, I wouldn't be able to say "I love you" to them either. Then again, I barely ever say the phrase to anyone to begin with.


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SaveFerris
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27 Feb 2018, 11:39 am

Rockingnoelle wrote:
and who did hard drugs while breastfeeding (the reason why I’m autistic and dyspraxic.)


I could be wrong here but I don't think your autism would of been caused from breastfeeding hard drugs.


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kraftiekortie
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27 Feb 2018, 11:43 am

Has your mother since reformed her ways---or is still continuing to take drugs and drink?



TimS1980
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28 Feb 2018, 3:26 am

With telling untruths, I struggle greatly, and i understand this to be a staple experience of autism.

I don't think you need to beat yourself up over it. Kraftiekortie's question is highly relevant.

Depending on the answer, the other thing you you might consider is whether to go to work on your own thoughts. Forgiveness can be as much for your own sake as for the person being forgiven.

Maybe you don't have to forget, but consider whether you should forgive.

Then, one day maybe you could truthfully say it, if she's since earned that.


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Dear_one
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28 Feb 2018, 9:22 am

In my family, "Love" is what you wrote instead of "Yours Truly" if it was to another member. Nobody said it.



CockneyRebel
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01 Mar 2018, 12:46 am

I'd also have a hard time telling my mum I love her if she did those things to me.


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