Strong Emotions and Asexuality as a Defense Mechanism

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Exhibit A:
What a person feels during sex, physically speaking, is intense.
For a lot of people on the spectrum, including myself, an intense feeling can be overwhelming.
The closest thing I can personally relate this to is eating a strawberry. Every bite is so packed with flavour that I used to think eating them was painful. If I stop and think about that, it’s not true. I don’t feel pain when I eat strawberries. But my brain can convince itself that a sensation, only matched by pain in intensity, must be pain.
For many people with ASD, there isn’t that initial eagerness to have physical contact with another person. Our minds aren’t necessarily excited to go through with those physical motions, so when the sensation arrives, the autistic brain is most likely to reject it.
Not to mention that some of the lighter actions involved in foreplay may already cause sensory issues in some people on the spectrum.
Then there is the emotional part of sex. Not everyone wants to jump into bed with an attractive partner without some sort of connection. Those connections can be hard to make for those of us on the spectrum.
On top of that, sex is still a whole new level of emotional openness and vulnerability. It doesn’t help feelings, it depends on them.

Exhibit B:
[Autistics] actually tend to feel emotions more strongly than typical NTs

Exhibit D:
Autistics actually have a lower incidence of co-morbid narcissism than the general population, and Sociopathy and sadism are almost unheard of in Autistic persons. Perceived empathy is an issue for them as they are unable to understand the motivations of normal folk. Conversely, to an Autistic person, normal people seem to lack empathy as *they* are unable to comprehend the motivations of the autistic person.
I read in a book called "the science of evil", that autistic people and sociopaths are like polar opposites, where autistic people feel immense empathy but they don't know how to behave like everyday folk and blend in, and sociopaths are great at hiding their inability to feel empathy and blend in with everyone else.

Exhibit E would be something a friend mentioned in conversation: that there was a study that showed a person's subconscious sexual orientation didn't necessarily match their conscious one. But I don't have a link for that.


So if those on the spectrum actually are capable of stronger emotions, but are easily overwhelmed, what if our minds have blocked out some of that potential feeling for our own protection?

I have little interest in adventure. Because I'm boring? Because I'm too easily stimulated by mundane things and don't need that? Because I'm subconsciously avoiding things that could potentially overwhelm me?


But regarding asexuality in particular...
For physical touch, I'm sensitive. If a suitor touched a sensitive [non-sexual] area, my instinct is to recoil. It has to be incredibly slow for me to resist putting a stop to it.
I will imagine being caressed and like the visual image. But I realize that in practice it's not reasonable except in a limited degree.

And the main topic: emotionality.
When I felt emotionally close to friends in a way I never thought possible (like we actually both want to spend time with each other and would make the effort to do so), I felt so ecstatic it was as if I would explode of joy. Just from long-distance friendship. And at other times, interacting with a close friend (or for a really incredible time, two at once) can give me quite a thrill.
And I have a fear of losing a friend.
But I've never had a fear of losing a romantic interest. Like that's a non-issue.
And I don't get emotionally close to romantic interests...I only get close on the friend level, so they have to maintain that to maintain closeness. (I'm not aromantic, though; I'm demiromantic.)

From what others have said about intimacy of a non-platonic nature, it seems exhausting. Yet they're adamant that it's like the best thing ever and exhilarating. Is this something that's on such a high level of stimulation that I wouldn't be able to cope and would be overwhelmed to the point of tearing myself to pieces were I to experience it, so my subconscious blocks out interest in it for my own protection?

I don't often feel overwhelmed. But maybe I just have well-grounded defenses against that which involve dismissing and cutting out potential stressors.
Might there be some great untapped potential for emotion? Like, anime-style (not that I watch anime, but I've seen bits here and there)? :p "The power is in him. If he lets it come out. But it could destroy him."

In my case asexuality is definitely connected to me being easily overwhelmed by all sorts of intense sensations. I'm sex-indifferent, so it's not a no go zone for me, but I don't see the point, I don't feel the attraction and it just doesn't have that "bonding quality" for me at all... it actually may provoke an opposite reaction. When I have sex one day I certainly DO NOT want to do it the next day or any time soon. Only after some time I'm back to my baseline and open to the idea of doing it again. I also wouldn't do it spontaneously, really, or in the morning (I'm super over-sensitive in the mornings) and I'd rather keep it simple and get on with my life
I have never felt actual physical "hunger" for another person's body and I can't even imagine how that would feel like.

Emotionally, I'm one of those people who feel emotions too intensely; it's like someone flicked the volume switch right up and I have to hmm... run away from it all, inside. This leads to me freezing and being unable to speak and some abusive people in the past learned how to get that reaction from me. And do what they wanted, get me into that state in public and embarrass me... nasty stuff. Thanks to that I've given up on "romantic" relationships for now and focused on friendships. Suddenly there is no drama and I can enjoy the world the way I like it - through my sensitive lens and feel all sorts of beautiful, subtle emotions and connection with the whole world... just not so much people. And the older I get, the less I care about romance anyway.

What you felt while eating strawberries, I get when eating... one variety of cherry tomato It almost explodes my brain if I do it in the morning, I get dizzy from the flavour itself sometimes, but it's the right balance of intensity and enjoyment so I keep on munching!

I have little interest in crazy adventures, but I do like hmm, less intense, more local adventures and exploration I was a notorious trespasser as a kid because I loved climbing on all sorts of fences. I loved abandoned buildings with half-collapsed floors and exploring them too. BUT you would never see me on a roller-coaster, ever! Anything that moves fast and there's wind involved or splashes of water in my face... I'd flip or freeze and have to sit in a quiet room for ages to calm down!

Thanks for replying. I could relate to your first paragraph.

Oh, the thing about eating strawberries wasn't about me. It was a quote I came across on the internet. All the "exhibits" were.

I kind of like roller coasters, so long as they're the wooden kind where one sits and don't involve going upside-down or spinning.

Romantic relationships have never been important to me. I'm not actually completely sure that I feel romantic interest. But sometimes with a good friend I'll love them so much that I'll wish I could stroke their arm or face or just hold them, and that feeling seems romance-related afaik.