I want to go out! But how?

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So I've got a problem that I'm sure many of you have dealt with: I can't go out with friends. I just turned 21 not too long ago and my friends now expect me to go to bars with them. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to--hanging out with my friends is rare as we all have conflicting work schedules. I don't blame them for wanting to go out to these places. They're all NT. I've got sensitivity to sound both loud and white noise. Bright flashing lights are a big no. Too many people that I don't know gives me lots of anxiety. Sometimes textures and temperature play a part. I think it's time to stop avoiding bars and restaurants and fairs. I want to build better connections with my friends. I'm willing to try just about everything--my mom suggested CBD but I have yet to see evidence that it helps with my issues (and it's illegal in my state). I even bought some fancy noise-filtering earplugs the other day but it's not quite enough.

So: how do I master my senses enough to be able to bear a bar? Or how do I alter my surroundings enough to be more comfortable?

There are actually a lot of quiet places here and there, restaurants, bars, etc., so it may be good just to find a quieter one, or go at a quieter time of day (Google will often tell you how busy a place is at a particular time, but I don't know how accurate it is).

I wouldn't know how to deal with sensory overload though. Unless you just head outside every now and then when it becomes too much, then return when you feel like you're ready.

Ultimately, it's just remembering that it's not something you're obliged to do and can remove yourself at any time if it starts to become difficult.

Many restaurants are rather quiet when they first open for dinner, and remain like that for the first hour or so.

My first advice would be to take it slowly. I made the mistake of trying to socialise every bit as much and as hard as the people around me when I started University at 18. That was a big mistake. I forced myself to take on too much every time, and it led to a lot of very public meltdowns and shutdowns; I even lost some friends because they thought I was being reckless (I was) and putting them in really awkward situations all the time. And do be careful if you plan to drink alcohol - I have no moral stance against it, and I drink myself, but be sure that your sensitivities allow you to handle it OK before trying to keep up with other people (not that you should anyway!)

OK, that's the warnings out of the way; so what can you do to make it easier?

I don't think you can necessarily "master your senses" in the sense that you can get rid of the sensory sensitivities, but I think it may be possible to understand them enough to make a big difference. For example; do you find that your sensitivities vary according to your mood, how stressed you are, how much sleep you have had etc.? They probably do, so that will give you a good starting point for managing things so that you are at your least sensitive when there's a night out. Making sure that you feel emotionally and physically well, have slept well, and stayed away from your sensory triggers for a while, can made a big difference to how tolerable social events are.

I find it also helps a lot to be prepared. Make sure you have quiet time set aside afterwards to recover if the socialising exhausts you; have all your favourite food stocked up; the privacy to stim; chores all done etc. Try to have an escape plan in place in case you get overwhelmed - a way to get home, and maybe a trusted friend as an escort and to keep an eye out for signs that you're struggling. Be honest with friends that you may not be able to last the night so that you don't spend the whole evening worrying about whether your stamina is going to run out, and they won't have false expectations. All of these should help to lower your anxiety levels so that you can tolerate more sensory stimulation; there's nothing worse than feeling that an overload is imminent and that you are trapped somewhere!

Take breaks whenever you need to - in fact, take breaks before you need to. That's been the toughest but the most important thing that I learned - to read the little signs that tell me I need to pace myself. I'll pop out and join the smokers and vapers outside for a bit, go for a walk around the block, or even hide in a toilet cubicle if I need to - whatever lets some of the overload subside and my social batteries charge up a little bit. Take stim toys or have a game loaded on your phone if those kind of things help you to wind down.

And as Mythos suggested; find some places and activities that you like and don't be afraid to do your share of the inviting. It's as much about inviting people into your life as it is about you joining theirs. I hope you enjoy yourself!

Alcohol might help you tolerate the environment it is served in. With a two-drink limit, you might come out ahead, but I'd never risk more.

A bit of this will help that better than alcohol ever could:

Can't you go at weekends?



What about going to a pub? You'll find a quiet one - forget the bars, they're often antisocial.

not sure about that,
one or two drinks works better for most people

The other point is: avoid spirits, avoid wine, stick to beer and cider. According to RateBeer, the Melvin Brewing Company and the Snake River Brewing Company (both in Jackson) make absolutely stunning beer. There are plenty of other options there too, if you'd care to read. You will be able to try things that will delight you, but you need a helping hand with getting into that stuff. Avoid IPA to begin with: bitterness dominates. I don't know as I haven't tried them, but stick with lagers first.



Vaping is banned in Laramie, but not, I assume, other parts of Wyoming.