Emotional Stress And Or Baggage.....
I was wondering if this is a common trait of Aspergers.....what confuses me is I am happy most of the time but yet my emotions and my past bothers me almost 24/7 it is a little better if my mind is kept busy but not that much......... when I say my past I ment as far as the stress I went through most of my life such as highscool,failed relationships well I don't know about ''failed'' I just beat myself up thinking I could ''done better'' not fitting in yet the funny thing is I dont want to ''fit in'' at all I just want to be a candidate for it, as well as the stress of my house and also my mom having MS for 22 years of life........ is what I am feeling normal for Aspergers?
Must be exceptionally common amongst aspies.
I consider myself, a lot of the time, a calm, happy and strong person... but the degree to which I will experience emotional stress is high.
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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
I know how that is, I have to keep my mind focused on something at all times if I want to feel fine.
I play videogames and watch TV and listen to metal all day, thats what works for me. If my mind isn't occupied on something like that, the wolves attack me. I mean, I get this image in my head that I am surrounded by wolves, each one is a thought or memory that I really dont want to think about, and I got some kinda pointed stick and I have to keep them away from me, like they are moving in and i thrust at one, but then the one behind moves in more, I gotta watch all sides, and its not easy, so one of them usually gets me, and then, well, its really bad. So when I go to sleep at night, Im not playing any game or anything so I am extra weak, so I think heavily about a lot of things, mostly I make up new stories or work on my old ones.
They say that aspies don't really focus on their inner thoughts/selves . . . that's so bull. I might not be able to clarify all of my feelings (like when my psychiatrist asked me how it felt when I got depressed, I said it felt like there was someone screaming inside of my brain), but that doesn't mean that I don't think about my inner emotions at all.
I can make pictures with my words (people always tell me that that's a skill of mine), and I can draw and I can make music . . . but specifically speaking, I'm not so good.
They also say that aspies have photographic or almost photographic memories. Maybe that's why these bad images stick in our heads so long. I read somewhere that it takes up to 10 years or more for some social scars to heal--especially ones left by bullying, and aspies have a significantly higher rate of being bullied than most populations.
I wish I could have told someone to make it better. I wish I could have fought back. I wish that there had been someone to tell and someone who would have listened.
But instead, it seems like all my life people have been doing their best to not hear me.
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"I am to misbehave" - Mal
BATMAN: I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you.
CATWOMAN: Marry me.
BATMAN: Everything except that.
http://lastcrazyhorn.wordpress.com - "Odd One Out: Reality with a refreshing slice of aspie"