Does anyone else find this confusing too?

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I've experienced so much of this, and it confused and frightened me as a kid, and it still does as an adult. I've especially encountered it in the workplace. One woman was incredibly friendly to me, very complimentary, shared her personal life with me, sought my opinion, seemed to advocate for me at work...then she started having little issues with how I communicated, and there were misunderstandings. When I asked for clarification via email, then saw her at work the next morning, she flipped out on me in front of everyone, said I had "a lot of negativity," and claimed it was really affecting the rest of "the team." She said a bunch of other stuff, too. When I asked her why not her or a single person (I thought I got along fine with everyone there, truly) had said any of this to me, she claimed "they" were all "too intimidated" by me. ?! Actually, nobody else had a problem with me - just her - she was just trying to make me paranoid and insecure (and it nearly worked). Although she took credit for my hiring, she now said she NEVER had wanted to work with me, and was still pissed at me for something that happened three years ago. (?!) Oh yeah - and we were NEVER friends.

I'd truly thought we were friends! I thought if she shared her personal stuff with me, I could share mine with her. NOT!

I realized the last six months of my employment there had been a lie. I had to quit, because she was sort of in a supervisory role, and even though she's had a history of "incidents" with other employees, I knew nothing would be done because they'd never find a replacement for her who'd work her hours for such measly pay. And sure enough, nothing was done. I thought there might be some justice, because the director asked to speak to me in private, and was very supportive and said something would have to be done. But later I realized SHE was just playing me, too - she just was checking to make sure I wasn't going to try to sue them, or something. She turned out just as two-faced as the crazy coworker. It's good that I left.

But it's so frustrating! People confuse me SO much.

To be fair, this person had exhibited a history of slightly nutty behavior, but like an idiot, I thought if I was friends with her, she wouldn't turn her crazy on ME. Boy was I wrong! I won't make that mistake again (I hope).

Ouch that's horrible. My mother was bullied at work too, by her boss and by some co workers. She quit that job and only works there when she wants to. She also hated the politics there too. I guess bullying happens to NTs too. You just have to be lucky to not get the crap.

Sudden changes of attitude are typical of mobbing and often find their explanation in that the aggressor finds out something about the victim he/she envies or just sees as an exploitable weak point.

As for the cunning of mind games themselves; I've no idea. I know many stupid people that change attitude randomly like that: I think it's just their honest idiotic selves when not bound by hierarchy or friendship.

I still don't understand why people act nice to you all of a sudden when they have been mean to you before or they say nice things to you or act like they have sympathy for you. I was told to not trust them.

And you shouldn't. Such people are running their own petty, manipulative agendas and do not care about you or your feelings. They do not see you as a real person, I think. Or they treat people badly because of their own insecurities. Oh - and passive-aggressive behavior is just inherently cowardly and manipulative. I have no time for it any longer - my mother was the Queen.

What of they apologized?

Spokane girly shirly gf sweetheart....uh....if a person is a dishonest person with you----pretends to be your friend and then stabs you in the back, apoligizes and comes up with a juicy rationalization for what they did or said to you, pretends to be sorry....time passes, things go back to the way they were between you, then that person does the same thing again....same I'm sorry deal....same back to the way things were and then stabs you in the back again....does this scenario sound familiar....do you see a pattern here?
Just because some person says they are sorry, doesn't mean you can trust them again to not repeat that behavior with you...people tend to remain the same...if you accept the person's apology and accept them back into your life and your trust, and they repeat this behavior...you'll just have a vicious cycle of pseudo friendship, transgression, apology, repentence over and over in your life, as many times as you allow this person to do this...
On the other hand, if you like unnecessary drama in your life, then by all means, forgive this person and set yourself up for this cycle.....if you like things calm and serene, then set up boundaries with this person and tell them to eff off. I'm 47, and I know things.....

that sounds mentally ill. really, I think that being on wrongplanet makes aspies vulnerable to believing that some negative behavior is caused by our cognitive disorder but if you put forth the same scenario in a non aspie context or forum then you would be told that you are dealing with people with MENTAL disorders. Being an aspie doesn't make you a good person but being an aspie MIGHT make you not believe that abuse is the result of dealing with bad people. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. There that is me sounding like an aspie in that I called it the way I saw it without sugarcoating. They sound like as*holes. Want some some more? EFF THEM.

What if they're only apologizing to manipulate you some more?

I'm not saying cut someone off if they say the least ugly little thing to you. But if someone has been really nasty to you in the past, teased you, wantonly hurt your feelings, whatever - the zebra does not change its stripes. It's called "showing people who you are," and it's a blessing when it happens because they're revealing their true natures to you, and you don't have to guess anymore.

In my experience, people who really are ugly to you don't apologize. Or if they do, it's a "token" apology and they expect you to get over their bad treatment of you immediately - so they can do it AGAIN.

Seriously, you can still be civil and polite to these people, but don't fall for their deception any more.

Besides, rolling over at the first "apology" doesn't teach them anything but they can treat people like garbage and get away with it if they just say "sorry!"

I guess this really depends on the severity of their hurtful behaviors/comments. "Sorry" is for a poorly-timed or slightly inappropriate comment. "Sorry" is for forgetting to call someone at an agreed time. "Sorry" is for when you interrupt someone who's speaking, or accidentally knock someone's pencil to the floor. "Sorry" is NOT for when someone has consistently been an as*hole to you for weeks, months, etc.

Strangley, the situation you describe is so similar to what I've been going through for quite some time now.

I'm so sick and tired of some people, especially the ones who bring out the worst in me. The best thing is to really keep your distance from lying and manipulative people, otherwise you'll find yourself sinking to their level (which is what I find has been happening to me). Some don't even acknowledge that what they're doing is wrong, which is probably their worst trait. I've given up trying to be friend (long ago, in fact) because it's just downright impossible. I'm still looking for answers.

Poor humanity, really.