Aspie or Not Aspie?

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Hi all,

I'm a new member and long-time lurker.

Am I Aspie or am I not? I've been struggling with this question for years. I vascillate about getting a diagnosis, actually going so far as to contact potential therapists only to give up. Why? I'm not really sure. Probably because the shrinks I've seen in the past (the distant past) have all told me I'm basically to blame for my situation. You may know the schtick: "you lack social skills because you never practiced them as a kid", "you're lazy, unmotivated", "you don't care", "you're not a good friend". Okay, the last one was my mother's, but they all say the same thing. And I'm sick to death of hearing it.

So why might I be Aspie?

A) I'm socially clueless. At my advanced age, I am essentially friendless. I've been described as distant and aloof, even cold, but I don't perceive myself this way. I don't know how to smoothly enter a conversation or maintain one. Even my boss has remarked that I'm poor at social chit-chat. Most of the time, I can't keep up with the tempo of a conversation and can't think of anything to add to it anyway.

B) Communication. I have a history of literalness. I remember my first D on an English assignment required me to interpret a figure of speech. I couldn't figure it out worth a damn. I often don't know if someone is kidding with me, especially if they keep a straight face. I have many recent examples of this. My eye contact is poor. My demeanor (whatever that is) and facial expression have been described as "off-putting" and "snobbish". My voice quality is normal (I think), and I'm not long winded, in fact just the opposite. I was selectively mute as a child.

C) Repetitive behaviors/lack of social imagination. Um, yeah. Got this in spades. I have serial special interests that are my lifeblood. Can't fathom of living without them. I have a few stims, mainly ritually twirling my hair (a long history of this) because it feels good. I tap my fingers--fingers against thumb to repeated cadences in my mind.

D) Other stuff: Sensory issues--yep, got 'em. I can't stand to be touched, especially lightly. The light touch of clothes against my skin drives me batty, so I walk around in the buff. No, just kidding. But I do wear a body shaper/body stocking underneath my clothes to ward off that awful tickly feeling. Crowds are obstacle courses in which I dodge the potential dreaded touch of strangers. I'm very sensitive to sunlight and certain odors. Sudden loud noises just about give me a heart attack.

Motor clumsiness--yep, I'm a klutz. I bump into everything, have trouble with escalators, balance, have an ungainly gait (been told I walk like a farmer (I'm female.))

Comorbids--Tourette Syndrome, ADD, Inattentive subtype, both formally diagnosed.

So what do you think? I certainly don't expect a diagnosis online, but does any of this sound familiar? I'm so sick of being an alien--all these years, ugh. Too many years. I'm yearning for a few kindred souls.

Could very well be. How old were you when your speech developed? I have a LOT of AS traits but the only reason I do not have a dx of AS is because my speech was late. I wasn't able to talk until I was 4 (single words and sometimes brief phrases) and my speech really came in when I was 6. It wasn't by choice, my speech was just delayed. I cried and threw tantrums as a toddler because I was not able to express my needs and thoughts. If you really want to know, I would get diagnosed professionally.

Sounds like you could be on the spectrum, but I am not sure mainly due to the fact I have been up since 1:30 last night.

Yes. But I think deep down you already know that. Welcome to WP.

You are right to expect you cannot get a diagnosis on-line.

You're also right to suspect you might have an autistic spectrum disorder. You certainly have characteristics consistent with AS.

If you cannot understand non-verbal communication, or are impaired in understanding it, this is not lack of practice/effort/ or a personal failing. The competencies that facilitate understanding of non-verbal communication are not explicitly taught, volition is not involved. You either learn these competencies during development, or you do not, and choice is not implicated in the outcome either way.

Also welcome to WP.

You seem to have many characteristics of Asperger syndrome. I don't have so many AS behaviors, although I guess I'm aspie.

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I'm not a native speaker of English. Sorry for any mistakes commited

Thanks to everyone who replied.

About the language delay: I may have had a mild one. According to my mother, I had some words at 2 1/2 but I "refused to communicate" with her or anyone. She thought I was ret*d and took me to the pediatrician, who assured her I was not. When I was a kid, no one diagnosed even a slightly verbal kid with autism (the concept of a spectrum was completely unknown.).

I agree with you, pandd, that volition has nothing to do with it. However, I have very little social motivation, which I think shrinks latch onto. If they had as much trouble as I do with social situations, they wouldn't find them enjoyable and wouldn't be eager to engage in them either.

Inability to read social cues is an interesting topic. I often think I do too well with reading facial expressions to be on the autistic spectrum. I score 21- 22 on the Baron-Cohen Eyes Test, which is within the normal range. The problem for me is knowing what to do once I've read a facial expression. For instance, if someone is mad, I won't know why or what to do to fix the situation. The default is to assume he/she is mad at me, so my ineptitude breeds paranoia. Sometimes, the person in question is not even mad. So yeah there is a little social confusion here.

You're not neurotypical, that's for sure. Whether or not you're an Aspie, you definitely share a lot of traits with the spectrum... you have the experience of being on the outside of society, and that's the one thing that almost always happens to an autistic person.