Should an Aspie adult have children?

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Down's can be tested for prenatally... but... Oh, I'll go into this on a separate thread.

Cerebral palsy is usually caused by damage that occurs during birth, brain damage caused by lack of oxygen during labour. As such, a woman could go through a whole pregnancy and have every test known to man and be convinced she was going to have a 100% healthy non-'defective' baby. And then there could be problems during childbirth and she could end up with a child that has cerebral palsy.

Spina bifida. Again, this can be tested for, well, they can sometimes see it on ultrasound scans, don't know if there's a blood test or whatever. But there are varying degrees of severity. My older sister had a random kidney problem in her early twenties and ended up in hospital. She found out then that she had spina bifida. It was a very, very mild version. She'd never had any problems relating to it whatsoever.

Actually the first few months is tough for anyone, but I was amazed at the patience I had for my own child. Also I find I could tune out some of the excessive crying, bcause even if another child in a store had a meltdown I would smile my sympathies and forget about it.

My mother always told me everything is different when they are your babies rather then those that of relatives and friends. And yeah she was so right. But major piece of advice....Have a support system willing to give you a break now and again as you will be a walking zombie for about the first 6mths if all goes ok.

I have two children who are the light of my life. Neither of them has AS. But in fact, as they were growing up, they proved to be my best "channel" to the real world. They somehow had an intuitive understanding that I was "different", and would often help interpret the world for me. Together with my parents, they are the only ones who know of my AS. Even my ex-husband doesn't know, at least not officially.

In hindsight, I don't think having AS was a particular impediment to being a good parent. Being a parent is difficult enough for everyone that I don't think AS is enough to override all the other factors involved.

I always wanted children, and was blessed with a boy. My wife and I got serious quickly. Married within a year, and my son's birth shortly therafter. She and I grew apart however, as she inevitably discerned something off about me. It wasn't until our son started showing signs of also being an aspie, however, that she took off.

Even still, I love being a father, and my son is a miracle, and a gift. The crying of the earlier phases where difficult to handle, but, you can get through them with perserverance. I've never had a closer, more natural connection to anyone else in my life. And plan to be there for him in ways that where missing in my childhood.

I can definitely understand the apprehensions about being a parent and fears that a child might inherit problems like AS. I have two little ones and didn't know much about my AS until after the first one was born. In between another family member was diagnosed with autism and I came to suspect another may have AS. So, having my second child was a bigger descision. We are fairly confident neither of our children is very far from typical, but they may both end up with some AS traits. However, I think life should be much better for kids growing up with AS these days than it was in my day.

Adjusting to having children has been a lot of work for me. Not getting time alone has been one of the most difficult things. I end up staying up half the night and not getting any sleep as a result. As for crying children, I think they naturally bother everyone. After having children of my own, I am much more capable of tuning it out.

I've often given out advice about having kids whether it was wanted or not. I tell those who are not yet parents to wait until they are older, but not too old. I'm very glad I didn't have kids until I was much more secure with myself and much happier. It took me longer to be independant and capable of being a good parent than most without AS. I know if I'd have had kids as early as I could have, I would not have been as good a parent and could not have been as involved in my children's lives.

So, I say make sure you can take care of yourself well and make sure you are happy with your life before you become responsible for the lives of others. You must be committed and responsible in order to do it well. I say wait until you've been with your partner in a committed relationship for at least 3 years (you have the technology). My wife and I were together for 11 years before having our first and we had a dog for 9. If you had good parents and younger siblings, you can trust that you learned a lot from your parents' examples. If you didn't have good parents or younger siblings, make sure you have some good resources to support you. If you can't care for a dog well enough to have a well behaved and well kept pet, definitely don't have kids because they are 100 times more difficult. I'd give this same advice to anyone whether they are on the spectrum or not.

Have you even been to a store, such as Walmart (and I'm not trying to pick on Walmart), and seen some NT (I'm guessing they're NT) and you wonder how were they allowed to be parents? The biggest issue is that children will disrupt your own regular routines like nothing else. And you definitely need to tone down your own meltdowns.

It depends on the aspie. Some of them make unfit parents and some of them are great parents just like normal people. There are even normal people out there who make unfit parents, they don't check up on their kids, or discipline them, they let them run wild, they don't spend any time with them, they see them as in their way and don't want them around. Heck I knew a girl in my neighborhood who was my friend and her parents always called the cops on their kids to do their job for them when their children did something wrong, they didn't want to be the bad guys. I also had two best friends who were cousins and their grandparents and parents always locked them out of the house. Kids who were brats in my neighborhood and bullies all had parents who didn't really take them anywhere and they let them be bullies. My best friend went to Lake Tahoe every year because that was where her parents went to gamble and they leave their kids in the condo with movies and they wouldn't go do anything like swim, take a boat ride on the lake, go to Trucket, ride on the tram. Then there was this other little boy who lived on my block and his mom took him to McDonalds often as a mother and son together but never took him anywhere else.

I just hope I will be a good enough parent and not screw up my kids or emotionally damage them or have them hate me or feel I was never there for them or didn't care enough about them.

I've successfully raised 2 children so far. My daughter's teenage rebellion has been very mild: she doesn't want to have anything to do with me in public. Considering the alternatives, I'll take that any day. My son is a geek with autistic traits but does not appear to be on the spectrum: he has empathy.

I'm starting to think that my daughter is older than me emotionally. I have an easy time playing with children, but some time in adolescence I lose the ability to connect with them for good. This started when I was an adolescent.

I have a wonderful little boy and it's probably too soon to tell if he's going to be aspie or not, but if he is then I will do whatever I can to help him through the struggles. We have bonded which has been such a wonderful experience for me, it's so wonderful to experience the pure love from your child. I'm also planning on homeschooling him so if he is aspie hopefully he won't wind up with all kinds of emotional scars growing up in public schools like I did. (I'm also not going to lock him in a closet, I'm going to have him involved with activities that he can make friends in.)

I am an Aspie parent to 2 beautiful babies. I have a 2 yr old ASD boy and a 8 month old girl (she seems NT so far).

I have found i am a better parent then everyone i know. I discovered this when I was in SCBU with my son. I can tell each individual babies cry and what they want. It is really strange. So from the time DS was born I have even grown the ability to hear when DS or DD needs a bottle or nappy change before they cried. I couldn't breastfeed but oh well. I also have photographic memory so i remember all the baby and toddler stuff including activities. Today i made $10 by making playdough for the local playgroup.

My son I understand. He is really different from NT 2 yr olds but i understand him. We even interact and cuddle and everything. Even though he is severe. We even play cars together where we run the cars over each others bodies so he doesn't sit by himself and watch the wheels. We also build lines together and we understand where things go. My son is also REALLY good with animals. Since he was 5 months cats would run up and jump in his pram while we were out walking.

My Daughter is a bit differant. She scares me with her eye contact and talking all the time. She says "'Ello" to everyone she sees and laughs like crazy when they talk back. I am glad she seems NT so far but it scares me too. How will i cope when she wants to dress in fashions or pull our cats tails? I love her to bits.

I want at least 5 children preferably AS or Autistic but I love children.

My wife, who is NT, freely admits that I am a better parent then she is. I think its more of a personality thing, then a NT/AS thing. You can find good and bad parents of both kinds.

My parents made some mistakes (the biggest was not getting me in karate lessons or something similar so that I would've physically fought back against bullies) but overall they really tried and were mostly sensible. It has still been very hard for me. I couldn't live with in some sense imposing that on someone else.

After briefly being undecided, I have decided that I do want to be a parent.

The main motivation is that the Bible says to be fruitful and multiply.

Final answer.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 12 Sep 2009, 2:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.

My fiance has convinced me that we should have a child one day. Depending on whether the child turns out to be male or female, and NT, Autistic, Schizoid, or an Autie/Schizoid will determine exactly how I will raise my child.

We're hoping for an Autie/Schizoid. We are hoping we never make an NT child, but if we do, we will love it and take care of it regardless. We are trying to consider and embrace almost all possibilities.


But we will NOT have a child until at least 10 years down the road.

I think if someone want to have kids then they should be able to even if they have Autism or AS.

Me and my boyfriend both have Autism but I still want kids even if they means they would be Autistic.

I have 2 children, one is an Aspie and the other has a speech delay. She seems NT, but not 100% sure. I love my children the way they are and wouldn't change them for the world. My son thinks he's part genius and all the kids (luckily) like him. He is a very nice kid as he is a pleaser and it seems other kids like that (although he is easily led, so that may become a problem). I have the most understanding of him than anyone. Already being in their shoes, understanding right off helps a lot.