Hi, I'm 42 and recently diagnosed with Aspergers. As a kid, I either self excluded or was excluded by a parent or sibling due to my tantrums and inability to play nicely (I had to win or else everyone around me suffered,; I still have issues with this and usually avoid games at all costs).
Most of the time, my mother would choose to leave me home because it was easier for her to not have to deal with me than to take me along and have to deal with my outbursts, or whatever was my issue. Many times, however, I would choose to NOT go on outings to avoid any confrontations with my mother. I also had issues with crowds and noise, but we were raised around large crowds due to our religion, so I had to deal with them and deal with the noise and the hectic aspect of being around people. Also, my grandparents owned a large restaurant, so I was around people there too, but would often go off and find myself a quiet spot to just be alone. I remember, I would think about the most secluded spot in the restaurant and just daydream about being in that spot all day by myself, but when I would be alone, I would get panicky and seek out someone to be around, or at least near.
I never knew why I did ANY of the things I did, or why I was the way I was, I was just labeled lazy, not smart enough, not able to do anything, always in trouble for something, and was spanked until I was 17 years old, of which never worked on me, but because of our religion, the spankings would continue as the main form of discipline. Other forms of discipline were keeping me in my bedroom all day or even longer, lots of seclusion. I had separation anxiety and other forms of anxiety that NO ONE knew about, which was odd because I didn't play well with anyone, but wanted to be around people, and NEVER liked that alone feeling, but sometimes, alone was better than the arguing.
I have two sons who are both Autistic (5 and 16), both just recently diagnosed as well. I see my 5 year old secluding himself, and I feel guilty when I do it and he's off doing his own thing, as does my oldest. So lots of seclusion either because my son is hard to deal with as well (5 yo), same symptoms as I had all my life, or because I forget to not self seclude. It's not easy being a parent who has Aspergers and try to remember to DO things with your family and not go into my own little world in my brain. I tell my hubby all the time, that I can be in a crowded room and still feel completely alone. Been that way my whole life, and never understood why.
Ashton from WA
22 Jul 2010, 10:48 am
