When did you start feeling like adults?

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ClumsyNinja
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Joined: 16 Apr 2012
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07 Jun 2012, 4:08 am

Blownmind wrote:

Adults are just large kids with bills

Totally this /\

I operate as an adult, I have adult responsibilities, but mentally I'm still a clumsy awkward teenager, albeit a rather more wrinkly one

muslimmetalhead
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11 Jun 2012, 7:08 pm

Kjas wrote:

Shatbat wrote:

Topic. Because I'm 19, so I could be classified as one, but when I compare myself to my parents I feel I'm way closer to being a teenager than a full-fledged adult. Things like being able to support myself have a rather defined starting point (my first job after graduation) but others, like a sense of duty and responsability and.... wisdom... it's unclear when will I have those traits.

So my question is, when did you guys feel like you were fully grown, responsible, and knowledgeable adults, how did you realize that? Was it gradual, or it stemmed from a special event? (for example my birth made my parents mature much faster than they would have otherwise) And what do you think it entails to be an adult?

Probably at 15.

Reasons being, I was supporting myself completely on my own, living on my own with my best friend, taking care of my bills, attending school & further education and I had a couple of jobs, etc. I had matured enough as a person by that point to feel like an adult completely (as opposed to the many years of partially).

It was mostly gradual, although there were definitely certain events I had to deal with much earlier than normal, that most wouldn't have, which has also contributed to it. When I look back, I can see I went through the typical "college phase" mentality when I was 13 & 14.

I think it entails an ability to look after yourself (and others if need be), to recognize the long term ramifications of your decisions now and take them into account, take responsibility for yourself and your life and any others who depend on you (whether that be your pets or a younger sibling you have to take care of). Of standing up for yourself or others and being calm and assertive about it when need be, or by resolving things through negotiation where applicable and having the wisdom to know which should be applied to the situation and in what measures.

When you start looking for answers inside yourself first, rather than looking outside first. Wisdom is pretty subjective... mostly I have found it's something that you gain through life experience. I think you when you reach a certain point of emotional maturity, where you accept yourself and don't have an on-going battle with your own nature, when you stop judging others by your own standards, etc. When you allow people to be who they are and accept them for that, rather than clinging to the idea of who you think they "should" be to you.

I think sometimes some people are so focused on "acting their age" that they forget that you're allowed to have fun at any age, as long as you're not hurting yourself or others around you in the process. Or they get so caught up in their responsibilities that they forget to take care of themselves. Or they rely on other people for their happiness... I see people that are 60 years old still making that mistake, so clearly one's emotional and mental maturity is not entirely dependent on one's physical age.

I'm sure you'll get there in your own time Shat.

Damn it, I'm 15 nearly 16, and I hate watching everyone grow up and do adult things that I can't do thanks to my disorders.

Props to you, man.

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Wayne
Deinonychus

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12 Jun 2012, 9:06 pm

Still waiting...

Yuzu
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13 Jun 2012, 11:04 am

I became more responsible, patient and tolerant after I had my daughter when I was 25.
Also, I think I'm an adult in a sense that I have a steady job, pay the bills on time and have no debt.
But I still enjoy the same things I did when I was in my 20s like going to gigs and clubs sometimes.
It's very annoying when people act childish claiming because they're child at heart.

anomy
Blue Jay

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15 Jun 2012, 4:44 pm

Shatbat wrote:

Hang in there Shatbat! I've never met anyone, NT or aspie, who at 19 was completely grown up! I've met lots of 19 year olds, myself included, who THINK they are all grown up at 19 but when they gain more years they always seem to learn otherwise in retrospect

Being a kid at heart, even when you get much older, isn't a bad thing either and can carry you through some hard times.

Shebakoby
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16 Jun 2012, 3:28 am

I'm 39 and I don't know what that's supposed to feel like.

outofplace
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16 Jun 2012, 3:42 am

I dunno, I am 38 and still prefer the company of people in their late teens and early 20's. (And no I am NOT a pervert!) I just find other adults my age boring. They have kids, good careers or bad addictions, etc. and are too tied down and worried about being responsible. They don't like discussing new ideas or theories and instead prefer to rest on old lines of thought. I'd much rather be around someone with questions than all the answers.

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Deinonychus

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20 Jun 2012, 2:36 pm

I've been told many times that I've had adult-like worries as a kid e.g., I was 42 years-old the day I was born!

Keon
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21 Jun 2012, 4:22 am

I'm going to be 23 next month and I really don't feel like I'm grown up much since 16. People would always say that I was very mature for my age but I didn't really understand what they meant... I went to school, watched cartoons and kept my room clean... I've been doing this for YEARS but didn't see why people only started noticing it once I was in high school.

I feel like I still do the same thing. Like, I'm mentally 16 but have the experience of being alive for more years than that. (Sorry if that was a confusing way to describe it...) I still LOVE candy and ice cream, keep my room clean, and watch cartoons. The only difference is that now I go to work, drive places (when I can focus on staying inside those damn lines) and pay bills. But I could have done these things in high school. I feel like my body has aged, but my mind hasn't really grown up yet.

AckTivity
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21 Jun 2012, 9:59 pm

Another no here. 41 and not only do I not feel my age (though nobody has been able to tell me what it's supposed to feel like), but I often forget my age.

Ginevra
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22 Jun 2012, 2:28 pm

Quote:

I'm 39 and I don't know what that's supposed to feel like.

Same here. I'm nearly 40 and still feel like a 12-year-old pretending rather unsuccessfully to be an adult.

I guess this is partly due to the fact that I don't have family of my own and don't bear responsibility for someone beside myself. I've never had a long-term relationship either, and this makes me often feel immature because I lack experience others have at my age, I don't know what it's like to have a relationship, raise children etc.

Another reason why I often don't feel like an adult is that I still like things I used to be fond of when I was a child- TV shows, songs, even some toys I kept during my adulthood. I like that, though, even if it means that I'm not grown up.

RLgnome
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22 Jun 2012, 7:12 pm

I've never felt like a child, and never like an adult. I couldn't socialize well with kids when I was one, and preferred being with adults. I also suffered so much emotional abuse that I was forced to "grow up fast". Now, as a 29 years old, I'm feeling more and more immature in several areas (like love, emotional reactions/anger/disappointment, economy (ooh, sale on Steam, screw food), ability to cooperate etc.), while feeling like a battered old man in other regards. I also feel like my body is getting older than my mind, which is uncomfortable. It can almost be compared to the feeling transsexuals have of having the wrong body.

This was one of the reasons I started to accept that I probably had AS a few years back, and finally went for a diagnostic assessment. These immaturities feel worse/more pressing for every year.

Mirror21
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23 Jun 2012, 7:13 pm

I am 29 and still feel like I am waiting for my "big kid" mentality.

noname_ever
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23 Jun 2012, 8:19 pm

I started feeling like an adult around 19 in that I was as responsible as could be. I worked OT, didn't neglect my studies, and kept my eye on a decent job later. After that I still worked OT and was as responsible as possible (bills paid on time, didn't neglect my job). However, I never felt like an adult socially and still do not.

Misslizard
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23 Jun 2012, 11:40 pm

in my mind I still feel five.

Scottinoz
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27 Jun 2012, 10:58 pm

Never, I realised they don't exsist :wink:

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When did you start feeling like adults?