On living an 'adult life.'

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I find myself wondering just what precisely is meant by living an adult life.
In a western cultural context, is this 'adult life' really so prosaic as simply conforming to a rigid script? Go to university, establish a respectable 9 - 5 to remain employed in for several decades to follow, get married, have 2.5 children, a dog and a mortgage, play golf on weekends with socially acceptable friends, church on sundays and a week on a beach somewhere once a year.
I never feel as if I've reached this plateau, of living this real adult life, because I understand that I cannot conform to that script. It's almost as if I'm perceived, and in turn perceive myself, as never having 'grown up' because I cannot play this very dilinneated role. It's Peter Pan syndrome - I'm stuck in eternal adolescence, even though I live independently and can take care of myself. It feels like any failing to live up to this script, to be a part of that machine, is viewed as being juvenile - for me, with work as an example. I am apparently incapable of holding down a job, and if you're over 25 and haven't established a career or at least worked in the same job for years, you're not part of this adult life. I would just assume that I'm being too literal, that this is just a cliche and breaking out of it, being different, doesn't make you less, but also observed from my admittedly limited exposure to people, that they seem to lead identical lives, and it IS the cliche. 'Adult life' really does appear to be this same formula, repeated again and again, people living up to it to a tee.
I suppose I'm just wondering how one establishes a mature life if unable to satisfy the requirements of this social and societal structure.

You're placing that expectation on yourself. I didn't know that you were required to have the same job for years. I know plenty of people who have switched careers. And I know plenty of older people who aren't married. And I don't know why you would feel the need to go to church on sundays unless you believed in a particular religion.

You are living independently and can take of yourself means you are doing better then a large percentage of people on the spectrum. You can't be like most of the people nor should you because you were not born to be that way. Being a minority/non conformist can cause serious problems but so can forgetting to be yourself trying to conform as I can tell you from personal experience. Another words strive to be the best C2V can be, not what society labels adult.

I interpret the phrase or notion of "living an adult life" in a more basic, less detailed way: maybe just stuff like living independently, knowing how to take care of yourself, find and keep a place to live, know how to pay bills or even set up accounts in the first place, be able to figure out how you personally deal with buying food and just running the practical side of your own survival, etc., that's all. It sounds like you're already doing those things as you live independently, so, you're there right now, even without all that other stuff.

I don't think it has to mean all those things you state, even though those things are something a lot of the NT world figures is a "normal" adult life, sure.

But lots of even NT folks don't necessarily live that life -- some of them decide to travel a lot and get odd jobs around the world, never marry, have open relationships, don't follow a religion -- that's just one example of a life that isn't the one described in your OP.

Some adults go live off the grid, grow their own crops, live in a commune. are part of the counter culture. Some adults may have a job, marry and buy a house, but never have kids and spend their discretionary cash on expensive pastimes and vacations. Some adults don't have a conventional job but pursue a career in the arts, live on a houseboat -- there are all kinds of choices people make in life. Nobody absolutely has to do the same thing in life as the next person, whether on the spectrum or NT.

I just perceive the "living like an adult" concept as just the very loose, very basic one of knowing how to run practical things like paying a bill and keeping yourself fed and housed. The rest is just free choice, personal preference and entirely optional. Even NTs don't always conform with the house, wife, dog, kids, etc.

The pre-scripted life thing is nonsense. I wish there would be more done to call it out as the cliche it is and that there can be more to life. Doing something because everyone else does probably benefits corporate profits more than it benefits individual people.

Why do you even WANT that kind of life?

I never did, let go of that vision and I did remarkable things - people think I'm nuts, but I had amazing experiences.
I was a lion tamer, a performer, a missionary in Papua New Guinea...just to name a few.
Never got married, never held a baby (or changed a diaper), had a gold or diamond ring.
Wheeeee!

Now I'm looking into teaching ESL in some far reaching corner of the planet...see more about different cultures.
No culture could be as strange as ours though.

My grandfather was a "rule breaker", he worked a bunch of jobs after the war and eventually became a self-employed mechanic. He told my mom, his only child, to get a good job with the government and get some security in her life, since many times he and his family had to rely on charity to eat. So, she did. She went to work for the high school she graduated from and stayed there or with the school district until she retired. She married another bureaucrat.

So, they had one child, me. I am autistic and will never work a regular job. She has trouble understanding that, since her father had to beg his wife's relatives for food more than once. She views breaking the mold as suffering. I want to do this or that and it all terrifies her, since she has been taught to value safety and security.

She doesn't understand that safety and security are 20th century concepts that no longer exist. You can't stay at one company all your life and then get a fat pension and go live in Sun City and play bocceball all day. The world has changed. Darwin said the species that survives is the one that best adapts to change. You need to adapt, and stop caring what people with 20th century mindsets think.

Security? Has your mom ever heard of ISIS?

I don't want that kind of life at all. I'm sensible of the fact that I could never be happy in that straight jacket. My contemplation was more on the fact that it is the accepted formula of an adult life reflected by the system around me, and the fact that I don't fit in is often used as an example of how I'm immature. Soon, after I have dealt with a few physical problems, I intend to give socialising another go and I'm aware this may be yet another reason people won't want to be associated with me. Thus, I'm looking for an alternative. Like what you have chosen - that sounds like a fantastic lifestyle to me, one I'd gladly follow if I had some money behind me to make it happen.

I am so sorry for your frustration. not that it makes it any better but you are not alone.

I am always uncomfortable around people even though I've honed my acting skills to manage to keep a job. but when I go home and I'm alone, well let's just say if I were a cat I'd be purring so loudly I'd blow myself up!

I am of a similar mindset. It feels good to find someone who thinks the same way. Society pressures people to live a certain way. However, fewer and fewer people are able to live that way. The economy won't allow it. Also, more and more people realize that they don't have to follow this way of life. They realize that is not for them. I lament the fact that people still hold the 1950's model of a nuclear family living in the suburbs as the ideal. It is just a reason to feel bad about yourself if you don't fit the mold.

living in a straight jacket. That says it all!

First off, lots of people feel that way at one time or another. Certainly many of my friends have told me they feel like they haven't "grown up". Its not something particular to folks on the AS. So you shouldn't feel bad about having those thoughts on occasion.

The easy answer, already given by others on this thread, is that being adult means being self-sufficient. That's a fine definition materially-speaking, but there are a couple other factors along the emotional dimension:

How do you see and value yourself? Can you accept your innate childishness, smile and move on; or does it represent a stigma in your life that must be addressed?

How does your social circle see and value you? Someone who is the responsible old man in a group of roadies, might be a disreputable man-child in an office. If people look down on you, and you notice, that can be a huge downer. If you don't notice, there could be personal or professional repercussions that you don't even understand. I find the best thing, socially and professionally, is to have people you trust enough to ask and talk about how you're seen in the groups you share. Best case, there is no problem at all. Worst case, at least you know to make changes or find new friends.

I feel similarly OP. My quarter life crisis began not quite two years ago. The day it began I joined WP, seeking advice. In that two years I've made a good deal of progress yet it doesn't feel like enough.

Enough for two years? Maybe. But since I was nearly a decade behind to begin with that makes me feel I have to go at double speed. In two years I should have made four years worth of progress.

I feel like I have to follow the same type stereotypically NT adult script. This year I finally got the sort of job I wanted but I didn't have a degree. That's part of the script so I had to get one. To begin with I've started at a technical college so I can later attend university. I find it difficult managing my career and my education at the same time. Most people do these things one after another but I must progress at double speed. I must get a degree without quitting my job.

It's not the same I know. Being a mature age student feels really anti-social. I was more social the first time I was there, before I dropped out.

For me another complication is not only the compulsion to become a stereotypical adult but also the notion that I'm supposed to have done it by a particular age. I'm so far behind in years. I feel as though even if I achieve all my goals by 30, I'll still be driven mad for the rest of my days by the thought that I didn't achieve them before I turned 25.

It may be because I came of age during the 1960's counter-culture years, but I tend to enjoy being a non-conformist.

It may be because I came of age during the 1960's counter-culture years, but I tend to enjoy being a non-conformist.