Should an Aspie adult have children?

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may i ask what is IMO

IMO means In My Opinion

as to my take: I don't want to have children. I doubt I'll ever feel financially secure enough. I have deep issues with.... ickiness... I don't think my particular gene set needs passing on, it's given me a lot of good stuff but there's a lot of health problems as well as the AS in there.

that said, if my sister (who isn't a genetic relation) ever has children, I'll be extremely happy to be the irresponsible but very cool uncle that lets them drink lots of coke and stay up to watch Star Trek/Earth: Final Conflict/(awesome sci-fi show of the future that's on at later than normal bedtime) and buys them cool presents rather than the educational stuff their parents give them. Just like I had such people in my life when I was little.

plus, y'know, uncles and aunties don't generally have to deal with them when they're being bratty

there are sort of two different points here; whether one should pass on one' genes, and whether one should raise a child. in my particular case, given how tough it's been with my lack of social skills despite various advantages, i can't really see passing on my genes as a good thing. as for raising a child, while it's something i'd love to do, i'd be rather clueless on raising an NT child, as for an NT teenager, let's not go there. so i feel the only option that would be fair on anyone is adopting an aspie kid - i'd have some clue as to how to help (my parents, with the best intentions, made things worse). in practice, i'll never be allowed to adopt, oh well.

I've never been very interested in having kids. My parents were loving and encouraged my artistic and musical interests, which were different from theirs, but I think childhood would have been much easier if they'd recognized my lack of interest in other people, and then drilled a social obsession into me without being too abusive. But how could they? They have some traits, but were successful enough that they weren't too curious about them. They were also working a lot and minding my bipolar sister.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like, but I don't want a kid of mine to grow up with my problems.

I have 2 kids and they are worth every dollar of it.

Seeing how self-centered you are, it is better off you don't have kids.

I can't even babysit, I loose um. I'm not even afraid when they do run off, oh they'llll come back. The tiny tiny ones do baffle me..just sitting there and moving their legs

Plenty of Aspie adults have kids. Look at Silicon Valley and its high rates of Asperger's diagnoses. For those of you who argue Asperger's has no genetic component, there ya go

I would like to have children. However, I would like to be able to support them. I know now that I can emotionally support children. The issue is mainly financial at this point. So is finding a suitable life partner, but I'm sure that will come in time. Also, as I am getting closer to 30, I am becoming aware of the ticking clock gradually getting louder

I think Aspie adults, and any adults for the matter should be allowed to have children, providing they are willing to look after them when they grow up and are conscientious for their health and wellbeing.

It was exactly at the age where I was realizing that this is the time to decide once and for all whether or not I would finally have kids... and I found out I have AS. ! Well, after years of my id's wanting a child but my superego's not wanting to put a new innocent person through such hardship and pain (this precludes adoption of preexisting persons!), WHEW! I thought. Thank GOODNESS I hesitated to do such a thing! Finding out this AS surprise at such an age was a relief: I am GLAD I did not when I had not found out I was on the spectrum.

Last edited by seaside on 24 Jun 2010, 9:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

+1

I too have some pretty good social skills these days. However, this does not make me NT; I still am stuck with a lot of Aspie junk, including some very strange reactions to stress which really impacts my family . It seems that it makes my kids even more stressed than they already are, being Autie themselves, and then my husband has to do damage control. I hate that but all I can do is try not to lash out in those moments. Also, I do come across the occasional situation that throws me for a loop because I don't recognize it from my mental file of "situations and how to handle them". I have worked very hard on my situational repertoire so that I can be as functional as possible, but that can never make it "go away". I don't think being so highly functional makes me a better parent. I still have a large amount of difficulty with parenting, even though I seem "normal" most of the time. I reiterate: if I'd known then that I had this disorder, I don't think I would've had kids.

Same situation, different conclusion. I feel that I am much better prepared to have children now I that I know I have Asperger's Syndrome -- it's not a disorder.

This is something me and my girlfriend worry about. I want to have kids with her, but I already was born with cryptorchidism (undescended testicles) and I had a double orchiopexy to fix the problem when I was only a couple months old, but I was already told it will be harder for me to have children vs a male who testicles properly descended. I have told her this and it's already hard enough on her (as she keeps joking that I can't have children), so I don't want to tell her that it might be possible that we could have an autistic child, because she has already said to me that she just couldn't handle it.

My wife and I now both believe we have Asperger's. We had three kids before we knew. Two have been DX'd AS, and the other PDD-NOS. We're now both positive we have it too. My wife's brother was DX'd years ago.

Would I still have kids if I had it all to do over knowing what I know now?

I LOVE my kids. They are ALL fantastic, gifted, and highly intelligent kids. I would DIE for them!

But, if I new then, before they were born, what I know now, well, I'm not so sure I'd do it. It would mean being willing to face twelve solid years of near pure HELL. There were many good times, but the stress that it all put on me, the kids, my wife, nearly drove us to divorce twice, and we both very nearly lost the boys once, permanently. It took TREMENDOUS effort to pull ourselves together and prevent that. It took tremendous effort to stay together, and learn to fight together.

I am damned glad I did it now that we are where we are. I love my family. I'm very happy we managed to stay together. We paid a very high price to do so, and a lot of lost time.

This may sound confusing, but this really IS how I feel. If I had the chance to go back and change it all, I WOULD NOT. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would not have had the boys.

Does that make any sense?

My advice to you is, TELL HER. Because if you don't, and you end up with kids, and one or more of them IS Autistic, she is BOUND to find out that you knew it was possible, and it could and probably will ruin your relationship PERMANENTLY.

Tell her.

You aren't the only person who has said words to the effect of, "I love my kids, but knowing what I know now, I would not have had children." Kids really are a handful whether they have a diagnosis or not. Still, it can't be easy for a parent to admit that.

I once dated someone whose daughter was so much like me I wanted to raise her as my own. Unfortunately, the relationship with the person didn't work out. But I can't describe the connection I felt with his child -- like I was her mother, even though I had no biological or legal ties. It's very hard to even attempt to put it into words. It would have been a privilege to raise her as my own. I hope I have a similar opportunity as a mother.

I've met many NT people who shouldn't be allowed to have children. But, that's beside the point. I have two children, and they grew up quite nicely, with no negative effects. One's in college and the other has already graduated college and is now working in the medical profession, making 4 times more money than I ever did in my entire life. Can't say that I did badly in the child-rearing department. My youngest has AS and is doing fine. He's not wild about the idea of having kids, though. Don't know why, and he won't say.

E333