Should an Aspie adult have children?

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Kilroy, I think you have a lot of negative experiences that is influencing your view right now. You may truly not desire kids. But then I'd hate to see someone not have kids for fear that child may have AS.

If you had a kid with AS, you would be there for him or her. You'd really be in a position to guide that kid and support that child in a way your parents didn't for you. Just reading your posts, you seem to have a caring energy about you, and maybe at some point, you may want a little one. I'd hate to see your choices taken away because of what others did to you.

ACG, I think the very fact that you're considering the future of your yet-born children shows that you would be a very caring parent. There are many people today having lots of kids with no real concern about their welfare and with no intention of bringing them up well.

Any child, whatever their concerns in life, is lucky to have parents who care about them and think carefully about their future. There are, sadly, too many kids these days who have parents who don't care for them. If I were a child, I would rather have AS and have a loving & understanding parent, than be NT and be left feral & unloved.

So I guess what I'm trying to say, in my usual clumsy way, is that the best thing is to provide your children with a loving & caring environment.

My kids are happy, protected, comfortable, and loved. We provide them with all they need to prepare them for life. As they've grown older, I've explained my oddities, and though they're still young, I believe they understand and accept me as I am.

I am the proud owner of a slightly used munchkin. It is known to drool, is obsessed with bowling and tends to shout at the top of its lungs. It refuses to be properly potty trained and likes biting people. I would not trade it in for all the world.

I used to think like you ACG, I could not fathom how to take care of them. I was worried if I was going to be a good father. It turns out that it is easier than it looks. I read a few books on child rearing to get the theory behind me and was all set for the big day to arrive. The first week was a nightmare, but once we got him on a special formula and medicine for acid reflux, things settled right in. We established a routine early with him and he is now one of the brightest points in my sky.

Is he an aspie? I don't know, but he is beginning to show at least some signs of it. If he is, we will deal with it together and maybe I can give him a few tips on coping with some of it and if not, at least I can give him my love and support since I have been there.


Being worried if you are going to be a good parent is a good sign. It shows that you can be a good parent. Most of the crappy parents out there don't think twice about it, they just abuse the kid in some way or ignore them. More than likely you would be a good parent, because you would go the extra distance it takes to be one.

As far as if the kid is going to be an Aspie or not, you can't really predict that. I have never seen any studies showing a precentage chance of it being passed on to offspring, although I do know the offspring of an aspie is more likely to have it than the offspring of an NT.

I do know that having a child can be one of the most incredible experiences in the world.

I could never forgive myself if I had kids and they had a childhood as lonely and isolated as mine. I could never forgive myself if I had a child that had the social difficulties I have had. So in the unlikely event I ever get a gf/wife, I will adopt or forgo having kids altogether - I really feel I want kids and I think I would be a decent parent.

My aspy son is happy with his life. It's because we understand him and he does a good job making his temperament work well, along with our support, mentoring and just discussing issues involving autistic spectrum temperaments.

Now that we know what's going on, now that there's a name for our collective misfit toy syndrome, we're helping him succeed.

I think that this next generation of autistic spectrum kids are going to have very good llives as the population becomes more and more enlightened, as well as excited about what these kids are capable of if not knocked down all the time.

I'm married, met my wife at school when I was 15. Never dated anyone else. I'm now 38 and have been married 10 years.

We have two beautiful aspie kids (7 diagnosed) and (4 undiagonsed) who drive us up the wall.

I have a lot of fun with them; I have a family blog;

http://gbollard.blogspot.com

In addition to my aspie blog (see my signature).

You can see how much fun I have with my boys.

Whenever I'm depressed, I think of the funny things they do and when I feel suicidal/dark, I think of my responsibilities.

Like most people here, I had a lonely childhood. As a knowing and understanding parent, its my responsibility to see that my kids enjoy their childhood.

They enrich my life.

Don't deny yourselves the pleasure that children can bring out of fear of your own condition.

I'm glad my boys are aspies too. My poor NT wife is the atypical person in our family.

My boyfriend and I have decided to adopt.

I guess it is partly because of the AS, but more it's because of the depression and anxiety disorders that run through both of our families. We also have countless physical problems between us.

In addition, after learning a bit about the outcome of children who were stuck in foster care all their lives and children who were adopted, I feel it rather selfish to bring a new person into the world when there are kids crying out for a loving family.

I know that a lot of people get very broody and physically crave the sensation of being pregnant and giving birth, but I don't have that.

From spending a little while teaching primary age kids, I know that I am very capable of loving non-blood related people.

I think one's job is a whole lot more important in the question of whether someone should get children or not. But I don't see how autism matters any. Maybe if someone thinks he or she can't make the life of an autistic child any beautiful. Depends on how much one trusts himself/herself and the partner to cope with a more difficult life, how much they trust themselves to help a child throughout life. THAT is an option to consider, yes, but anything else isn't I think, because this is a question every parents should ask themselves, no matter whether they're autistic or not. Can I make my child happy: no or yes?

Anyways, I may have kids, because I'd love to, but I may have none, because I'm planning on a way too busy job.

You have to consider if your child will have a good life after you can't take care of him or her. It's flippant to say, just find a good foster home. Foster homes are focused on health and safety, not on the whole person.

I'm an Aspie, and that's a good thing.
My daughter is one, too, and I'm teaching her to be proud of herself.

I'd love to have more kids. But I'm single, and I'd need the other parent to be around.

I wasn't aware of my AS until my daughter came along. My mother paraded me around to psychologists as a child because something was *definitely* wrong with me (eyes rolling out of head) but the diagnosis was not available until later.

At 18 months my daughter was tested at a 10 month level. The home-visiting therapists were not about to tell me that she had autism, though she certainly displayed enough red flags according to what I read online and the paperwork they brought with them. They said they don't diagnose, just treat. So I started researching and found AS and thought it sounded very similar to myself, though not at all like her, since with AS there is no cognitive or language delay (like the one she had)... I believe she is HFA. She is 5 now; a very rewarding little girl with LOGIC stamped on her forehead and shrewd brown eyes that seem to reach into your skull and see right through any nonsense you are trying to pitch her way. Here is a typical conversation:

her: (chasing after her little brother with yardstick)
Me: Hey! Give that to me!
her: Why?
Me: Because it's not a toy!
her: I'm not using it as a toy.

She wanted a fender guitar, a tattoo and her ears pierced for her 5th birthday. I got her some hoodies and a phonics game.

The boy, on the other hand, had no delays of any kind (other than pottytraining, which he still hasn't mastered @ nearly 4 years). I'm not sure about him. He could have AS or he could not. He's got definite mobility issues and tends to trip over what I call 'air pockets'. He's very gullible, off in his own little world, and everything he says sounds like a question with the emphasis on the end. He repeats things after I say them, like a little echo. And he's constantly looking for firm clarification on everything.

Parenting is difficult for me as I have very little patience and lately the noise factor has been so overwhelming....You would swear that the two of them interracting together have just capped 10 rounds and stumbled out of an irish pub. I'm also not very huggy and have found it a long arduous task to bond with my huggy daughter. BUT, she is full of such enormous promise that it makes me question my prior beliefs that nothing good would come from me. My son I have found to be the dearest thing to me (I will never admit favoritism); i scoop him up whenever possible and hold him close and inhale him - he is just divine. he is my reminder that though I am cold and emotionless and dismissive in nearly every facet, I am still alive.

And I would not have that had I not had kids.

I have 2 children, one is 16 and one is 8.
I had them before I knew.
I am not sure if they are aspie's or not. My son shows some traits, but they do not seem to affect his day to day life to the point where he cannot function. My daughter I think has ADHD and OCD, but I doubt she is an aspie.
I love them to death, and even though my dauther is loud and makes me very nervous, I can't even imagine my life without them.

Personally I wouldn't want to have children because I don't want autistic kids. I see so many parents of autistic kids who are Aspies themselves that it proves to me that it is hereditary. I would never want to cause another person to go through the sadness and misery my life has been. So I find the idea of creating another Aspie or Autie morally wrong for me.

I think it depends on how high functioning an Aspie is whether they will make a good parent. I've seen Aspergers behaviors in many of my family members and it is a very dysfunctional family. I know a couple who are both on the spectrum and they emotionally abused their kids. Their kids are all messed up adults now, very mentally disturbed and despise their parents- so I think Aspies should approach parenthood with caution. Maybe ask your doctor or friends if they think you would make a good parent.

I'm an aspie mom married to an NT dad and have an aspie son age 19 and a NT daughter age 25 that has a 22 month old boy who is showing AS traits as he develops (which by the way are making him indescribably enjoyable and sweet thanks to his mom raising him almost perfectly so far!).

I think having AS parents does increase the chance that children go the AS way, but they don't have to go that way - and those parents too, can get out of AS, as I have (although people find it hard to believe) - http://unlearningasperger.blogspot.com best wishes, JC

Crap. The world needs more people with AS. Makes sense to me...