Hopless, Worthless, and Suicidal

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What does one do when they're feeling hopeless, worthless, and increasingly suicidal?

I am spiraling downwards. Friends will not, cannot, understand this. I'm in therapy and taking medication. There seems to be no more help that I could seek out.

What happens when there is no hope. Which, I do beleive that there isn't any hope for any of us. This world ends in nothing, therefore, nothing here and no one here is anything.
Why should we, should *I*, spend any more miserable time on this earth than I already have?

I'm feeling pretty much the same way. I'm medicated to the max and there's no more therapy available. I have no hope that I will get any better. So what's left? Faith and duty. Faith that I will experience some marginal happiness sporadically in my life. And duty to myself and family.
I'm not sure what the point is to life, but I think it goes against the natural flow of nature to commit suicide. I sometimes think that this life is some sort of prison sentence and that if I don't fulfill my time here I'll get sent back again in an even worse condition. So I guess it's fear of divine reprisal that keeps me from killing myself.
Not sure if this would work for you as it is a personal belief on my part.
Sometimes it helps me to think of people who have to survive much worse than I do.

If you're taking antidepressants and still feeling suicidal, the meds themselves may be making you worse, that's one of the side effects of most SSRI meds. You should report that to your Therapist immediately.

That whole 'think about people who have it worse' doesn't work on me. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just that selfish. Like I don't care how my friends and family will react to my death because I'll be dead.

That wasn't an attack on you, btw, Ann. It just made me feel how I react to being told such things. It make same feel more like a monster than be angry at those who say it.

BTW, I really really really love your avatar. Stewart has all the best lines.

Anyway...

My therapy has been hopeless and the only meds I was on (Ritalin) just made everything worse. I was more manic than depressed and now I'm the opposite. My doctor also won't prescribe me anything else so I now feel like I'm always going to go through this. If only I could muster up some courage to find another doctor, which I can't, I might be able to get some better treatment.

I don't even know what to do today let alone the days after. Does that even make sense? Probably not.

Please remember, any kind of antidepressant medication, it's usually important to phase out slowly.

Why are you feeling like it is hopeless? I would like to hear more about your situation before I gave you any advice. But as far as what to do asking for advice was a good first step. Sometimes just talking about it more can help.

When I got involved in peace activism during the first Gulf War, it was largely disappointing.  Because the internal politics of these groups seemed to be as much about popularity as anything else.  So, all of this, maybe even the best of this only works 60% of the time.

The questions you raise, basically that the Universe will eventually be the big blah and the pointlessness of helping future generations just so they in turn can help still more future generations, run deep, and generally are just going to have partial answers and middle-stage answers.  You might want to check out modern day utilitarians.  Jonathan Glover is potentially pretty good.

I talked with my internist about depression, and he told me that at least one study has shown that depressed persons are actually more realistic than nondepressed persons.

And some studies of depression have looked at whether some ruminative parts of the brain are actually over active.  And some small clinical studies have found that psilocybin (magic mushrooms) helps some people and presumably does not help others.  Obviously all the standard cautions apply.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/01 ... -depressed

And my own post from Sept.
depression as some parts of the brain too active?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt240992.html

Yeah, that one only takes me so far too. The fear of divine reprisal is what motivates me.


Thanks


I encourage you to get another doctor. Why won't he prescribe anything else? Sounds like he doesn't really know what he's doing.


Makes sense to me. So many hours to fill.

Step one rest if you're not resting get out if you shutting yourself in.
Step two talk to your GP the mods might be working against you.
Step three remember it will pass no matter how low the low is even if it's not when we expect it to.

Speaking as a person who used to feel that in spades (depressed, lifeless, near suicidal), I'd say the best thing you can do is try to find someone who can keep you company. They don't have to help you out. Just know that someone is there for you, when you need them. After that, all you can do is break down life one by one and tackle all of the things you are depressed about on your own.

I've had someone say that you should look at the sky, look at the sun, the stars and s**t. I say, buzz off! The sun gives you sunburn and the birds tweeting may be chomping on a piece of your tuna sandwich! The happiness you seek must be inside you, as well as the will to not give in to being cold and dead spiritually, for the sake of appeasing whomever is messing you up inside.

I hope I gave my best advice to you. Best of luck. (hugs)

It gives me too much anxiety. Fear of change and all that. I once considered visiting a different grocery store and became so anxious. I eventually decided to not do it and then calmed down.


The only thing that keeps me out of depression is denying those thoughts and thinking of them as false.
Do people really hate me as much as I think they do when I'm depressed?
But I was wrong about it before.

I think in a way it can be true for certain people, but there are a lot of us who can be more realistic when not depressed. My depression episodes do become quite delusional.