Thinking About Suicide Even After Minor Things Happenning

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I know it's not healthy and it hardly ever escalates past thinking maybe the suffering will stop if I'm dead.

Me and my GF had a misunderstanding yesterday where she thought the words I used were me being arsey or moody but I didn't mean it the way she interpreted it. She got cross and walked out and my mind immediately went to , I've had enough , I'm going to end it etc.

Does anyone else think about suicide even after simple misunderstandings?

Sounds like BPD. I have BPD and have chronic sucidal ideation for the past 13 years. For me it is usually the physical suffering from my chronic illnesses that makes me think of suicide.

When I have been severely depressed I have certainly thought about it in those situations, but in the past few years it seems like I have become better at managing my depression. I still sometimes get rather butthurt over little things, but not usually to the level of suicidal thinking can't say it never gets to that level anymore, but its more short lived whereas in the past I have attempted suicide once and went to the hospital twice because I was concerned I would act on suicidal thoughts. I also have a problem of getting all worked up when I lose something, which I am trying to work on...because it just stresses me out and then frustrates my boyfriend to.

BPD is on my list of possible things I have , I can identify with some of the symptoms. I have also read that psychiatrists don't let the patient know if they suspect BPD , I'm convinced there's things in my medical notes that suggest whats wrong with me that I haven't been told.
Do you find suicidal ideation comforting in any way?

I just took my elderly dad on a trip to the store and as I was walking along pushing a cart for him, I was thinking "I should just kill myself. I really don't want to live anymore, I'd be better off if I just got it over with."

I know that may sound like a joke, but I wasn't mocking the situation, that's just where my mind goes sometimes. Five or six times a day, some days. Lately, it's pretty much an omnipresent thought that's always in the back of my mind, but that's probably just stress, I have a lot of it at the moment. Usually, the Turmeric helps, but right now the stress overrides everything else.

If you think you are a risk to yourself, I would recommend checking into inpatient.

Sounds like it could be a depression thing for me



I didn't take it as mocking , I know it's perfectly normal to have fleeting thoughts like this in times of stress , but I have a problem letting them go and entertain them and let them play out in my mind to an extent.



Thanks for your concern but I am no risk to myself at the moment but from past experiences it can escalate quite quickly by which point it's too late , I am currently awaiting to see a therapist for depression but waiting list is two years , my psychiatrist is only interested in throwing drugs at the perceived problem , but I think whatever I have is drug resistant.

You sound like you're really good at computers, Ferris.

it's a case of jack of all trades master of none , I'm only ever a web page / youtube video away from faking being proficient in most things except self diagnosis psychiatry /psychology / neurology

Whatever you are, or "have"...as long as you try to adjust to it, you're okay.

If you just "give up," then it's really not okay.

At this point, I feel I'm just waiting for the moment to arrive.

I do get that sort of 'stopgap' 'killing time' feeling sometimes

I think you might already be depressed and little things are the straw that breaks the camel's back. I've had the same thing! I went all "I'm gonna take all my pills" because I got rejected at the US border in 2013, because my mom said something unflattering about me in 2009, etc.

BPD typically doesnt respond to drugs, but rather DBT, or other cognitive therapies. With BPD your mood can rapidly shift on a dime. I try and recognize that if I am in a state of dsyphoria, I know that how I feel in that moment will likely have nothing to do with how I feel the next day or even mere hours from that point in time. A coping skill, mix of mindfulness and diffusion from ACT.

Yes thinking about suicide definitely helps, and for me it is a coping mechanism. A lot of my life for the last 13 years has been hell, even torture for years at a time. Knowing that you can get up and leave, walk out of the room anytime helps even if you choose to stay and fight. My chronic illnesses never end and there is a strong correlation between BPD sufferers and those with chronic illness/chronic pain. For me most of my thoughts seem rational given what I am going through, but regardless are maladaptive and need to be treated.

I suggest you give DBT a shot and see if that works better than relying on meds that don't typically respond well to BPD.

Have you ever consider getting your thyroid functioning and testosterone levels checked? Hormone problems can be a significant factor in mental health issues for both women and men.

I think about suicide alot, it started when I was like twelve or thirteen. Like more than on a daily basis. I've always been drawn to it, fascinated by it. I'm sure that thinking about suicide f***s a person up psychologically. I have schizoaffective disorder, I have a recurring delusion regarding suicide like I'm in a dream, like I'm having a nightmare and if I just die I will wake up into a much better existence. Or that if I kill myself I'll get everything I ever wanted. Or that if I really try to kill myself, I'll make some realization that my afterlife is a world exactly like my own, the memory of my dying is erased and I'll be forced to go on living as myself only different in that I will know I'm not allowed to die that way. What greater hell for a suicidal person to realize they can't die? A gun doesn't go off, after the fact there is a recall on the model of gun you purchased. Every method you try fails and there is always some plausible explanation for it, you caused suffering in a different universe to all the people you love and after each attempt you lose that sense that reality is real and not just some kind of game or ride you are trapped in.