aspies feel like they are asexual...

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I think my sex drive is more or less normal, but sex usually just doesn't seem worth the trouble. I have alot of the same issues with intimacy that other Aspies have. I'm not all that keen on being touched. Sleeping with another person is ok, but I'm not very into cuddling/snuggling.

Then there is the issue of emotional attachment, which can lead to love, which can lead to . . . Above all else, I just can't deal with a lover whom I perceive as trying to control or possess me. I mean, I like being by myself - that's when I'm happy, that's when I feel free - & even in a committed relationship I have to have that. That said, I do want to be loved, & with the right person I am willing to give as well as take. I understand that it's a 2-way street & it isn't just about me. But it takes patience. Alot of patience.

EDIT: Posted a thread that kinda is the same/expands on this post here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4437272.html

Curious topic.... I'm probably borderline, but in love with / in a platonic relationship with a woman who is much more definitely Aspie. She has gone from saying she is bisexual, to lesbian and back to bisexual depending on when you ask her. However, in the 10 years I've known her, she's been mostly asexual. She has had no other relationships either, so it isn't the typical "friend zone" issue. I'm the only even in any zone for her.

As far as a relationship goes, she and I would be nearly the perfect aspie/borderline aspie couple... we are each other's closest and only close friends. We have to have "away time", but that's okay. I tend to need more away time than she does, to be honest. For me, the away time is because my emotions start to get too strong and I act stupid, so I have to have "away time" to regroup.

However, I'm not quite as asexual as she is... and that's turning into a problem for me. It has been about 6 years since I've been with anyone sexually... obviously I'm not a raging hormone blob. But it is hard to be around the person you love and feel that physical contact is off limits.

To be honest, I haven't really been able to bring this subject up directly with her. It's like things are perfectly fine as long as it isn't brought up. I don't fully know the reasons for her lack of interest in sex. I know some, and some I can address, but there are definitely other reasons I don't understand or know.

If the discussion were to be had, and I could really understand, I think I would be okay with whatever the outcome. I just wish I had the balls to HAVE the discussion. I'm afraid she'll think that our 10 years of friendship has always been about my wanting her. I hope intellectually that she'd realize that if all I wanted was sex, I wouldn't have stuck by her and only her for so long. I'm just afraid that it will put a wrench in the relationship if I press past the initial topic-changing that she will do with any topic she's not comfortable talking about.

I'm not here to discredit her choices or anyone here's choices - one's sexuality is one's choice completely and nobody else should impose their own views on it. I'm curious though, if anyone here has advice on how to have this discussion with her?

I think that if someone self-defines as asexual, it's always true.

I answered the question in the original thread. Sorry that you got out feeling ignored, though.

It's alright.

I don't think that defining oneself as "asexual" necessarily causes asexuality.

Outside of masturbation, I don't seek sex with others. To me, sex requires intimacy and a particularly high level of comfort with the other person (or people) involved, neither of which I develop easily with other people. I have no desire for sex with the vast majority of people. I have a sex drive, but it is very minimal.

It's also important to note that as I was growing up, I was "programmed" (largely by my peers and by mainstream culture) to behave and think as though I wanted sex, when in fact, I didn't. I was pressured to embrace the heteronormative world. Of course, in light of the fact that the "programmed" part of my brain wanted a sex life when the rest of my mind and body didn't, I could only embrace it insincerely. Which invariably led to confusion. And of course, my parents and family were of little assistance to me. I forgive them though, because I understand that, as was/is the case with me, there was/is a lot that they didn't/don't understand, either.

I didn't realize until I was much older that I have a right to not want sex and that, when I do decide that I am comfortable enough to have sex, I can have sex with whoever I want- regardless of their sex or gender. I didn't learn until I was much older that my time is better spent living the way I want to live than dedicating myself to excessively pleasing others.

For most of my life, I mistook thinking people were pretty for sexual attraction. It wasn't like I had anything to compare with. People just talked and talked about how they'd screw people I thought were beautiful, so I thought I was pansexual. Then I discovered asexuality, and realised I was experiencing an aesthetic appreciation for beauty (one which extends to nature and space), and that I was grey-panromantic asexual. For those who don't know, grey-romantic is the midpoint between aromantic and romantic, and panromantic is just a tendency towards romantic attraction towards people of all genders. Thank AVEN for that. I usually just say panromantic though, since I do experience romantic attraction sometimes.

I'm asexual. And I'm probably an idiot for only just now realizing what 'transgendered' actually means... I think I qualify in that I'm biologically female, but since early childhood I have never felt right thinking of myself as a 'girl' or a 'woman'... I'm just a person, without gender. So I guess I'm technically transgendered(?)

I have a problem with the term itself. Because it seems that some people are completely sexual while others are not. I can see that some people are not interested in sexual... interaction. I feel like that most of the time. But... I can say for myself that the whole issue of sexuality and sexual attraction just confuses me and seems weird. I can't relate to it as a person. I know this was not the question of the thread, but I think about it a lot and I am not sure what to make of it. You know, asking yourself, "am I gay, bi, asexual, etc" seems odd to me, because I don't think it's something you can tag with one word.

Well, I think I do not identify as anything, if that means people think I am "asexual", ok, but I do not think the term really matters.

What I am trying to say is that I believe sexuality is more complex than that and this is why I could never relate to a specific term. I do not want sexuality out of the picture or make it seem less important. I just don't think it's that easy.

Sorry for being off-topic here.

I'm either bisexual, or asexual, I'm not sure which.