Gay Aspergers !

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[quote="big_fat_phony"][quote="SamAckary"]I swear at one point I thought I was bi, I liked both but now I really, really like two girls, I wish both of em were bi for *personal reasons* but I think I love them, I hate love, it pisses me off a lot, chooses those who will never go out with you, oh well, i'm never lonely, i couldn't really care less[/quote]


Personal reasons :P... hmmm!! :P... just so you can have both of them eh!? :p

I'm not really lonely myself, but i'd still like to have a chat with more AS gays, cause maybe they struggle more... hmmm![/quote]


I'm AS, currently gay but was bi from 12-20 and slept with a few girls between then and 22...just realised with the last one that I'm not into women any more and haven't been for a while...perfunctory doesn't begin to describe the experience.

With regards to struggling more I think there are two sides to it, on one side it is harder to fit into social situations, on the other the gay community is already not a part of mainstream society and is thus an easier egg to crack than overly normal social groupings (a similar thing might be aspies who go goth or make friends with a bunch of stoners or whatever - the group is not what most people would consider normal and its members are often more accepting to each other than the people we meet in every day life are).

It is harder to deal with aggressive behaviour as someone with AS...kind of like a really extreme fight or flight quite disproportional to the causal event (manageable, with difficulty, once acknowledged) and this can make dealing with homophobia more difficult...I'm not really sure what advice to give for this, but I've found that it's easier to be my usual, brutally honest self in this area; if it comes up, I tell people the truth, unashamedly, and for the most part they react as NTs can be expected to, i.e. directly mirroring your own expressed feelings on the matter (for example, if someone finds out by rumour that you are gay and that you aren't comfortable with it, they may use this against you; if you are open about it and take pride in the relationships you have then this someone cannot use it to bully you, and if they try it isn't hard to run them into the ground with logic).

Bringing me to a big point, don't be ashamed of it if you are gay or bi or TG or whatever the heck else you can come up with (don't share please, esp. with regards to cyber-orgies...). There is no more point or reason to be ashamed of your sexuality than there is in being ashamed of being AS or autistic, it is just who you are and the hand you've been dealt, make the most of it and if you want to have some fun gay times then go ahead, just be careful of some of the wankers out there and wear a condom.

Lastly, if you're still in school then perhaps this isn't the best advice; my class mates were unaware I was bi until 6th form (when kids generally get a bit more tollerant) and the reason for this was that the obviously gay kid in the year got torn to shreds for it on a regular basis in years 9 through 11.

I don't profess to have all the answers, I've just had a fairly interesting life to date and somehow wound up in a place where I am at peace with who I am and have a small circle of extremely good friends (once people get to know us, I think they can come to like the curiosities of AS...I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I decided on my 19th birthday that I wanted to be the best person I could be, so that even if people weren't necessarily my friend they would have limited reason to dislike me, and you know how it is when we get obsessed with something; you end up in a situation where you're everyone's go-to-guy when they need a favour and if you're nice to them - fake it when you don't feel it - then you'll soon find you get invited to things and with practice you'll learn a few social tricks (one or two - and no more - exceptionally good jokes at a party go a long way to warming people towards you, choose a moment when most people are smiling and not diverted))

Sorry about going on a total tangent there at the end, I guess I'm just trying to say that the only way to be happy is to accept yourself and be who you want to be and bugger any NTs who don't like it (maybe not the best choice of verb considering).

If anyone wants to ask anything then feel free to post on this or message me.

hi my names david and am 21. i have aspergers obviously lol. im confused and have been for a while. the thing is im sure i like women but i have regular urges and feelings directed towards people of the male variety, and often have fantasises that i am a woman or a man who is seduced by a stronger man. what does this mean. help??

There is a good chance it could mean you're actually bisexual and do not realize it, or that you're straight, but very open to gay people. If you had another life as the opposite sex of what you are, you might still be straight or a gay man.

Man I wish I had the courage to do more with myself.

I'm gay, 20, diagnosed with aspergers at 10. I obviously stutter and slur my speech and can never think of what to say in a conversation. I'm unemployed with no income and live with my mother. I'm addicted to computer games and have no real life friends.

Being an extremely jealous person doesn't help either, I'm the only one to blame for my problems.

I have often wondered if a study ever has been done on LGBT community and Aspergers. I Knew I was gay for a very long time going all the way back to my first crush in 5th grade on a boy in my class. It was very hard to come to terms with my sexuality as my father and his side of the family are very Homophobic not to mention bigots. Thankfully I have been doing therapy non stop since I was sixteen when my mom kicked his butt to the curb, and now I am twenty eight and very happy.

being male and having AS i was unable to seduce a girl. several times i was quite close. once, i was out with this Canadian girl, we were hiking in the forest, just the two of us, total privacy, i said, 'i am hungry', she replied, 'i am tasty'. she wanted me to do something with her, but i was thinking that perhaps i misunderstood and missed my chance. if only girls didn't expect me to take the first step.

eventually i turned 30 and still didn't experience a kiss or just a touch by another human being. i still looked very young, like most aspies do, and been getting compliments on how handsome i was, but i guess everyone just assumed i wasn't interested, because i didn't know how to express my desires.

it bothered me, i really wanted to be touched, finally. and obviously i couldn't get a girl for over a decade of hoping, so i tried it with guys instead. you see, i was rather desperate and i never really cared about the sex as much as just being touched. and suddenly it was all so easy, no games, no codes required and i never had to take the first step ever again. and it turns out that 'hot gay nerds' are a catch in the community

so, it makes me wonder if i ever went gay if i was NT.

I'm not entirely sure if my being transgender might have something to do with Asperger's, or possibly the other way around. I know there's supposedly a correlation that more trans* people have Asperger's, or we're more predisposed to the condition than cisgender individuals are. It's interesting to think about, at the least. I hope more studies can be done on matters such as this soon.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head. Aspies, I feel, also tend to be logical rather than emotional thinkers, so we're less likely to conform to peer pressure, social prejudices/taboos as much as NTs. This leaves us to explore things scientifically and to learn through experimentation and experience.

Even NT guys have enough trouble working women out. So it makes sense that an Aspie male would be even more uncomfortable approaching women, and so potentially could find approaching another male somewhat easier. I know I don't have an overwhelming attraction to male or female - in fact I'm drawn to the androgynous types. In many ways I see myself as asexual rather than bisexual. It's not a matter of attraction as much as connection for me. I would only want to have sex with someone I truly loved and connected with, in order to explore that love/connection to its extreme. I get very anxious in social situations, and moreso when it comes to sex; however, I've found so far that I have been less anxious with guys than women.

But I try not to define myself as gay or bi or hetero. To me it's irrelevant, especially as sex is such an insignificant aspect of my life. I'd like to get beyond classifying myself or others by their sexual preferences. I can, however, appreciate why it is so important for others.

He/she, didn't say Aspies are more likely to be gay, he/she, said that Aspies might be more likely to FREELY explore their sexuality. I imagine that could mean that Aspies are more open about how they feel about their sexuality. If anything, it could mean that bisexual Aspies are more likely to explore their bisexuality.

I'm gay

I am gay with aspergers. I have never been able to find a relationship in my whole life and I'm 49. I do not think there is any link between gay and aspergers, but if you have both, it's even harder to ever find love. It's a very lonely life. I really don't think there is any link at all...i've never met a gay aspie in my whole life....we might have clicked if I did. There are plenty of straight aspies. Like I said, if you are both, it's just all the more difficult to ever find someone to love who can love you back for who you are. It sucks.

The theory that it might just be easier for an aspie to approach men is not at all true. If you are gay, you are sexually attracted to the same sex. It's how you were born and how you are wired. It's not a choice you make just because it's easier to talk to men cuz you have aspergers. The sexual attraction to men is not there if you are not gay. period. There is no connection between being gay and having aspergers. Aspergers can not and does not make you gay. One has nothing to do with the other. There is no connection.

there's an easy test for a man to see if he is gay. Find some photos of attractive naked women...look at them and see if you become sexually aroused. Then, find some photos of attractive naked men. See if you become sexually aroused. If both, you are probably bi. If nothing on the women but "boing" on the men, then you are gay. If nothing on the men but "boing" on the females, then you are straight. Just a simple way of putting it. Forget about emotional connections and all that...it's the primal physical attraction that is really the deciding factor. It's that simple.

I think the answer would lie in their respective etiology.

I understand there is a genetic basis for both (including ADD, which tends to co-incide with Aspergers)
The GAY gene seems to be carried in the mothers side (X chromosome), and Aspergers and ADD on the fathers (Y).
I am not a geneticist, but being both gay, aspie (and ADD)- I would think the two are not linked.

Happy to discuss

John

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with this notion. Homosexuality is not a social issue and people cannot have their sexuality changed based on their social experiences and/or problems. The scientific basis of homosexuality in nature has far more backing than the proposed basis of nurture.

By the way, I am gay with HFA too.