Incredibly insecure and hypersexual friend

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Dear all,

I´ve had this friend since I was 16 (I am 21 now). We met in high school and were part of a ´clique´ of 8 girls. This friend is a shy, fashionable, artsy kind of girl.
She has always been really insecure about her body because she was very skinny. Since a few years however she started eating more and she gained weight in all the right places. I´d say her body is nearly perfect.
The thing is, she is really very insecure about herself. Maybe this has something to do with her not having a father and not having a great connection with her mom.
Anyway, when she was 19 she started thinking everything was wrong with her because she had never had a boyfriend. All of a sudden she started having sex with numerous guys. One time she even had sex with a drunk guy in an alley in the middle of the night.
Now, since two years she has been dating a boy, but this boy has recently cheated on her. A month ago she found out cheated on her AGAIN and she broke up with him. She still keeps having sex with him though; in the bushes, on the beach, everywhere. She says they are friends with benefits, but it's very obvious that she still has feelings for him. I don't know if the situation is beneficial for her and I don't know what advice to give.

This isn't really a 'help - I don't know what to do'-topic, but I just had to get this out of my system.

Anyway, this girl is clearly very insecure and she uses sex to relieve her self esteem issues I think.

Last time she said: "I just need to have sex. If I don't have sex I am not using my body what it's made for. This body needs to be desired and loved".
And then today she said to me on facebook: "Wouldn't it seem awesome to you to have sex with a 60 year old? You know, an ugly one. He might not be good looking but he's gonna admire your body sooooooooooo much. He'll think you're the most beautiful thing on earth. I just need foreplay with someone that thinks I'm superhot"

I just don't know how to respond to these kinds of things, really. I am insecure but I guess I don't feel the need to fill in with sex.

Anyone ever had such a friend? She is a sweetheart by the way, but sometimes I am amazed with what she is saying

Ick. If she's really hypersexual, tell her to masturbate. Tell her to get some vibrators--she doesn't need other people to make her body happy, and as a hypersexual person she will never be able to have any one person satisfy all her sexual needs. She needs to learn how to do it herself.

If this sex having is some kind of emotional thing, I don't know what to tell you. I'm hypersexual and I know what the constant always-horny (sometimes INSATIABLY horny) feeling is like. But I have no idea how insecurity and sex would fit together.

Why do you feel the need to diagnose her with self esteem issues just because she has a different attitude about something than you do?

If she's enjoying her life, leave her alone.

That's true, too. I kind of took what the OP said at face value, but it's important to note that what makes one person happy doesn't necessarily make anyone else happy. If she says something gross like about the 60 year old, just tell her you disagree and think that would be gross.

If she really does have issues, though, she needs help...but not necessarily from a friend.

how come us autism guys never met girls like that.

Because she has self esteem issues.
I don't understand your 'leave her alone' since I am not stalking her and not at all telling her what to do and what not to do, especially compared to her other friends.

IMO, a lot of the guys on here will not see this woman's behavior as a problem, especially those guys who are finding it hard to have sexual encounters.

What is that supposed to mean? Willard just said to each his own, he was being pro choice.

Psychoanalyzing guys here, and assuming stuff due to their lack of....whatever, in every thread is getting ridiculous.

You're the 2nd female member today (the other is hurtloam) who's implying that guys are sexually desperate here.

Well... uhm... aren´t a lot of the guys on here sexually frustrated?

I think in situations like this you can only offer advice and support, there is little else you can do.

I agree the Facebook message is intended to provoke a reaction, it is classic attention seeking behavior. If you feed the attention in the obvious way you aren't really helping her.

Tell her to take topamax and haldol. Those meds will kill her sex drive.

LOL, that's you're opinion, not my particular problem.

@Cafeaulait: Sorry, perhaps 'leave her alone' was the wrong phrase, I should have said 'mind your own business.' If her descriptions are too graphic for your taste, then tell her "TMI, please keep that stuff to yourself," and let it go. If her sharing makes you uncomfortable, tell her so. It just sounds as though you're judging her personal choices and branding them by your own standards.

The only people I've ever met with unflappable self-esteem were all D-bags, who thought they were better, or better looking than everyone around them. A little insecurity is normal and healthy - it keeps you grounded and humble.

Choosing to enjoy your life is not a self-esteem issue. Feeling good about yourself because you've overcome a former self-esteem issue is not, in itself, a self-esteem issue. Wanting to be appreciated is perfectly normal, as is fantasizing about it.

Life is too short to waste sitting on your hands - better to end up regretting things you did, than things you wish you had done.

right,there alot of sexual frustrated guys,but for some reason,they never
run into these hypersexual women,who just have tons of sex,
because,I guess having low-self esteem makes women horny.

Well that goes with out saying. It doesn't depute that hypersexual women exist. They just aren't having it with you.

There a 7 billion people in the world, and hypersexual or not don't mean they don't have preferences.

I don't know about that. Some of the cases of hypersexual women I've read about really did make it seem as though it was a compulsive and extreme illness.

We're not talking even moderate promiscuity here, we're talking it completely taking over a person's life and them literally taking anyone.

Last edited by Tequila on 11 Aug 2013, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.