being friends with ex's on social media

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spiraloutkeepgoing
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05 Apr 2014, 10:06 pm

I rejoined social media recently, reluctantly, and noticed something I found odd: my friends are "friends" with their ex's on Facebook. Should I send my ex a friend request? It seems like it would be awkward. Is anyone on WP friends with their ex's on Facebook?
I recently read two different articles about this topic from two opposite points of view. One said that it would be immature to delete an ex from your friends list, while the other said that being Facebook friends with an ex actually disrupts emotional recovery after the breakup. Thoughts?



MjrMajorMajor
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05 Apr 2014, 10:08 pm

I wouldn't do it, personally. What would be the point?



Kezzstar
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05 Apr 2014, 10:09 pm

I'm friends with my ex on Facebook. We don't talk much, sometimes we have a brief convo but that's it. I'm hoping he finds someone soon so I don't feel like I ruined his life though.


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05 Apr 2014, 11:19 pm

Unless you're on good terms, I can't see having an ex on your Facebook where you can both continue to watch each other's lives and hear about romance as a good thing.

An ex from several years ago sent me a friend request recently. Considering that we parted ways on bad terms and haven't said a word to each other since, I thought it was bizarre. No real-life connection whatsoever and don't even get along.



blue_bean
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05 Apr 2014, 11:44 pm

Be FB friends with whoever you damn wanna be, it's your FB. There's no unwritten rule that says you have to be FB friends with an ex.



hale_bopp
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06 Apr 2014, 1:20 am

Why are you asking our opinions and reading articles?

If you like them, be their friend. If it would be awkward, don't. It's really not that hard. I'm not friends with any of mine.



nick007
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06 Apr 2014, 2:03 am

I don't use any social media but I do use message boards & I met my current girlfriend & both my exes on them. I had problems being on the forum after the breakup because I kept stalking/viewing their post & I posted things they probably would of been upset by if they seen. I'd imagine it would be the same way on social media for those with OCD & hung up on their breakup or relationship like I was.


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886
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06 Apr 2014, 3:28 am

I am friends with one, but we ended on good terms (somehow.) She's married. We talk a lot and ask for advice, I think it only works because the both of us fully understand we have no desire to get back with each other, both emotionally and physically. The rest ended poorly and the last time we talked was pretty much a huge fight. It all depends on each individual situation. If I added an ex girlfriend out of the blue I guarantee I'd get a terrible reaction - and mind you, it's a thing I'm not going to do because I have no desire to be friends with any of them.


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06 Apr 2014, 11:14 am

Nope. Both our relationships were bad so why be friends with them? If things were good between us despite the relationship not working out due to differences let's say, then that would be different. Then I wouldn't have anything bad to say about them would I.


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Basso53
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07 Apr 2014, 9:49 pm

After about 40 years of no contact, I became Facebook friends with my very first girlfriend. We traded pictures of our kids, and some of vacations each of us has taken over the years. :lol:

My first wife? I'd rather be tied to a fire ant hill than have anything to do with her. :roll:


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daydrinker
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07 Apr 2014, 11:30 pm

I could never do that. I always blocked them and their friends. I could never get past the negative feelings, whether I ended it with them or they ended it with me.
This seems to be the NT thing to do though. They love this kind of social stimulation. NT Ex's love to read each others posts, stalk the others new love interest and talk endlessly about what the other ex is doing with their friends. In college this seems to be the only thing they talk about.
I know I just made a broad generalization, but anyone else share this opinion?



hale_bopp
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07 Apr 2014, 11:59 pm

daydrinker wrote:
This seems to be the NT thing to do though.


Why?

I don't think the statistics probably vary much, out of the people I've seen and dealt with.



daydrinker
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08 Apr 2014, 12:25 am

hale_bopp wrote:
daydrinker wrote:
This seems to be the NT thing to do though.


Why?

I don't think the statistics probably vary much, out of the people I've seen and dealt with.


I don't know why but I'll take an educated guess at it from my experience. The average NT will have a wide network of friends. These "friends" are constantly analyzing each others social status and accomplishments to apply a rank. When a NT is an inferior ranked position compared to others in their social group they feel jealousy and two options present themselves. (1) The NT can work to better their status or (2) Bring their "friend" down by devaluing them with negative criticism or nasty lies. They constantly strive for social superiority, like they have a need for it or something.

Again, another generalization but that's my conclusion from what I have picked up over the years. So unless you have the social stamina for this, think twice before being friends with your ex on social media.



Kezzstar
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08 Apr 2014, 12:43 am

Why is it, that when most of my friends are NTs, I never encounter this sort of rubbish? We're all too busy having fun, hanging out and working for any of this.

I don't get it. :-/


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hale_bopp
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08 Apr 2014, 12:56 am

Most of the people who hate their exes I've known have been NT, tbh.



thewhitrbbit
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08 Apr 2014, 9:22 am

It depends.

What kind of break up was it? Mutual? One sided? Did you remain friends after?