Elderly women and ballroom dancing

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RetroGamer87
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12 Oct 2017, 1:29 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I can’t afford to eat healthy.
Just eat the same food but in smaller quantities. Also have you considered using Phentermine? It helped me.

I’m trying to keep to a 1600 or less calories diet and been going to the gym but I lack proper shoes and clothes so I haven’t started going daily but going try tomorrow before work, so my life will just be work and gym now :(

Just like most other people. If you want to be successful, you have to forget about free time or rest. I know plenty of people who spend their whole day going to work, then going to the gym, then cooking a simple meal, then going to bed. Not me. I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy and I'm too embarrassed to go.


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RetroGamer87
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12 Oct 2017, 1:30 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Too late. If Marknis's happiness is dependent on having a girlfriend that means his happiness is dependent on someone else's decision. That means he's already someone's puppet. The only way out is to be happy without depending on someone else. But now I'm starting to sound like all the people who told him he doesn't need a girlfriend.

It's catch-22 Marknis. You need a girlfriend but the only way to get a girlfriend is to not need one. I see no way out of this.

You use to be and say the same things before you got gfs.

Reality check most people are sad alone and happy with others.


I'm just saying girls aren't attracted to sad guys. And some guys are genuinely happy to be single. And some other guys spend so little time being single that they don't have a chance to be upset by it.

Such guys don’t want gfs since they prefer and are happy alone.
Most people need relationships it’s how humans are.


Well at least pretend to be happy when you're around a pretty girl. Don't try to apologise for your shortcomings or be melancholy in anyway.

Also remember that there are some people who really do need companionship but they've never been single for more than a few weeks at a time since their adolescent years.


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sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 1:52 am

DW_a_mom wrote:

Gosh I'm going to sound like a platitude, but where there is a will there is way. It is hard to learn how to get around nearly insurmountable obstacles, however, and I think it is extra difficult for people with ASD. Getting around the obvious is inconsistent with a rules mentality. Both my husband and son are bad at it, but I've helped them do it.

This is the kind of thing that I think a counselor could help with. Helping you see past obstacles. I can't do my favorite workout because my knees are bad. So learned to like something else. Then I got another injury. I found out how to adapt the routine again. I have to admit, I hated it with the adaptation at first, but I've started to find the zen in it. Finding ones way through circumstances is something we all have to do in life. I know it's hard, but I'm stubborn and I refuse to let things go until I've found something that gets me where I need to be. I also know that people find a "get it done" mentality attractive, so learning it could help you with dating, too.

I want you to have the things you want.


Looked up platitude but still don’t understand it.

I have no help.
My first therapist as an adult told me to get sunshine.the 2nd agreeed that women won’t date me with my job and then pushed me to find s good job, he used my sessions for job search. I haven’t been back since. Only helpful therapist was perhaps the one as a kid. Vaguely remember that time though.



sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 1:59 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I can’t afford to eat healthy.
Just eat the same food but in smaller quantities. Also have you considered using Phentermine? It helped me.

I’m trying to keep to a 1600 or less calories diet and been going to the gym but I lack proper shoes and clothes so I haven’t started going daily but going try tomorrow before work, so my life will just be work and gym now :(

Just like most other people. If you want to be successful, you have to forget about free time or rest. I know plenty of people who spend their whole day going to work, then going to the gym, then cooking a simple meal, then going to bed. Not me. I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy and I'm too embarrassed to go.


But it won’t make me successful. It won’t change anything. Just like getting my job didn’t change anything like people said it would. I knew it wouldn’t and it hasn’t. Women see it the same as being unemployed.
Gym is horrible. Their WiFi doesn’t work and their building blocks cell service. They also don’t offer towels. What’s the point in that life. They do the same worthless stuff every day til they die doing it and never enjoyed life and won’t be rembered.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such guys don’t want gfs since they prefer and are happy alone.
Most people need relationships it’s how humans are.


Well at least pretend to be happy when you're around a pretty girl. Don't try to apologise for your shortcomings or be melancholy in anyway.

Also remember that there are some people who really do need companionship but they've never been single for more than a few weeks at a time since their adolescent years.


I don’t walk around showing I’m sad or telling people. I tell people here, close friends and one lady at work(sort of).

Melancholy? Who would I apologize for my shortcomings to? I don’t understand

Most women are that way and thus a lot of guys. But not nearly as many men as women. Far more men then women never date or get in to relationships. Always been that way it’s just getting worse.
In the 1940s I’d gotten a good job at a factory and got married and had a family. I’m good at factory work. But that’s all done by computers and cheaper labor in China now.



RetroGamer87
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12 Oct 2017, 5:37 am

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I can’t afford to eat healthy.
Just eat the same food but in smaller quantities. Also have you considered using Phentermine? It helped me.

I’m trying to keep to a 1600 or less calories diet and been going to the gym but I lack proper shoes and clothes so I haven’t started going daily but going try tomorrow before work, so my life will just be work and gym now :(

Just like most other people. If you want to be successful, you have to forget about free time or rest. I know plenty of people who spend their whole day going to work, then going to the gym, then cooking a simple meal, then going to bed. Not me. I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy and I'm too embarrassed to go.


But it won’t make me successful. It won’t change anything. Just like getting my job didn’t change anything like people said it would. I knew it wouldn’t and it hasn’t. Women see it the same as being unemployed.
Gym is horrible. Their WiFi doesn’t work and their building blocks cell service. They also don’t offer towels. What’s the point in that life. They do the same worthless stuff every day til they die doing it and never enjoyed life and won’t be rembered.


Then you must give up even more free time. Work your way through college. Work 8 hours per day, study 8 hours per day. Your first degree didn't work out for you but you could be an accountant or an engineer. Girls love professionals.

Of course you will probably suffer burnout and increase the size of your college debt. I'm not seriously saying you should do this, I'm just giving an example of what "successful" people do. The type who make a lot of money and get all the girls.

Of course only listening to successful people will lead to survivor bias. A rich man will tell you to take risks. He's ignoring the 99 other people who took the same risk and lost their shirts.

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such guys don’t want gfs since they prefer and are happy alone.
Most people need relationships it’s how humans are.


Well at least pretend to be happy when you're around a pretty girl. Don't try to apologise for your shortcomings or be melancholy in anyway.

Also remember that there are some people who really do need companionship but they've never been single for more than a few weeks at a time since their adolescent years.


I don’t walk around showing I’m sad or telling people. I tell people here, close friends and one lady at work(sort of).

Melancholy? Who would I apologize for my shortcomings to? I don’t understand


That's good. I must have been thinking of my own bad habits. I often feel like I have to point out my shortcomings before someone else does it for me (preemptive self-deprecation). I don't like to say I'm smart or talented because when I do people will always explain why I'm not.

sly279 wrote:
Most women are that way and thus a lot of guys. But not nearly as many men as women. Far more men then women never date or get in to relationships. Always been that way it’s just getting worse.
In the 1940s I’d gotten a good job at a factory and got married and had a family. I’m good at factory work. But that’s all done by computers and cheaper labor in China now.

Good thing you live down south. I've heard complaints from the Great Lakes that a lot of their manufacturing has moved down south.

I don't get how there can be more single men than single women. Men and women exist in roughly equal numbers. If there are lots of single guys there must be lots of single girls.


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sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 5:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I can’t afford to eat healthy.
Just eat the same food but in smaller quantities. Also have you considered using Phentermine? It helped me.

I’m trying to keep to a 1600 or less calories diet and been going to the gym but I lack proper shoes and clothes so I haven’t started going daily but going try tomorrow before work, so my life will just be work and gym now :(

Just like most other people. If you want to be successful, you have to forget about free time or rest. I know plenty of people who spend their whole day going to work, then going to the gym, then cooking a simple meal, then going to bed. Not me. I don't go to the gym because I'm lazy and I'm too embarrassed to go.


But it won’t make me successful. It won’t change anything. Just like getting my job didn’t change anything like people said it would. I knew it wouldn’t and it hasn’t. Women see it the same as being unemployed.
Gym is horrible. Their WiFi doesn’t work and their building blocks cell service. They also don’t offer towels. What’s the point in that life. They do the same worthless stuff every day til they die doing it and never enjoyed life and won’t be rembered.


Then you must give up even more free time. Work your way through college. Work 8 hours per day, study 8 hours per day. Your first degree didn't work out for you but you could be an accountant or an engineer. Girls love professionals.

Of course you will probably suffer burnout and increase the size of your college debt. I'm not seriously saying you should do this, I'm just giving an example of what "successful" people do. The type who make a lot of money and get all the girls.

Of course only listening to successful people will lead to survivor bias. A rich man will tell you to take risks. He's ignoring the 99 other people who took the same risk and lost their shirts.

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such guys don’t want gfs since they prefer and are happy alone.
Most people need relationships it’s how humans are.


Well at least pretend to be happy when you're around a pretty girl. Don't try to apologise for your shortcomings or be melancholy in anyway.

Also remember that there are some people who really do need companionship but they've never been single for more than a few weeks at a time since their adolescent years.


I don’t walk around showing I’m sad or telling people. I tell people here, close friends and one lady at work(sort of).

Melancholy? Who would I apologize for my shortcomings to? I don’t understand


That's good. I must have been thinking of my own bad habits. I often feel like I have to point out my shortcomings before someone else does it for me (preemptive self-deprecation). I don't like to say I'm smart or talented because when I do people will always explain why I'm not.

sly279 wrote:
Most women are that way and thus a lot of guys. But not nearly as many men as women. Far more men then women never date or get in to relationships. Always been that way it’s just getting worse.
In the 1940s I’d gotten a good job at a factory and got married and had a family. I’m good at factory work. But that’s all done by computers and cheaper labor in China now.

Good thing you live down south. I've heard complaints from the Great Lakes that a lot of their manufacturing has moved down south.

I don't get how there can be more single men than single women. Men and women exist in roughly equal numbers. If there are lots of single guys there must be lots of single girls.

I live in northwest
Not true . in my area for example there are thousands of more men then women.
As of 2014 there were about 60million more men then women in the world.



RetroGamer87
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12 Oct 2017, 5:14 pm

My mistake. No wonder the women don't like your guns. The north west is the heart of leftie hipster territory.


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DW_a_mom
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12 Oct 2017, 7:05 pm

sly279 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:

Gosh I'm going to sound like a platitude, but where there is a will there is way. It is hard to learn how to get around nearly insurmountable obstacles, however, and I think it is extra difficult for people with ASD. Getting around the obvious is inconsistent with a rules mentality. Both my husband and son are bad at it, but I've helped them do it.

This is the kind of thing that I think a counselor could help with. Helping you see past obstacles. I can't do my favorite workout because my knees are bad. So learned to like something else. Then I got another injury. I found out how to adapt the routine again. I have to admit, I hated it with the adaptation at first, but I've started to find the zen in it. Finding ones way through circumstances is something we all have to do in life. I know it's hard, but I'm stubborn and I refuse to let things go until I've found something that gets me where I need to be. I also know that people find a "get it done" mentality attractive, so learning it could help you with dating, too.

I want you to have the things you want.


Looked up platitude but still don’t understand it.

I have no help.
My first therapist as an adult told me to get sunshine.the 2nd agreeed that women won’t date me with my job and then pushed me to find s good job, he used my sessions for job search. I haven’t been back since. Only helpful therapist was perhaps the one as a kid. Vaguely remember that time though.


Let me try giving you an assignment: find a therapist you like, and tell them in the preliminary screening that you specifically want to work on learning to not give up every time you encounter an obstacle but, instead, find a way around it. If you have a meeting and don't find the person helpful, keep looking. To keep it affordable start with a community mental health clinic or charity.

Why this assignment? Because you say it won't work. So the challenge is to MAKE it work. You need to learn how to turn your own "no" into at least a "maybe."


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Marknis
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12 Oct 2017, 7:34 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Too late. If Marknis's happiness is dependent on having a girlfriend that means his happiness is dependent on someone else's decision. That means he's already someone's puppet. The only way out is to be happy without depending on someone else. But now I'm starting to sound like all the people who told him he doesn't need a girlfriend.

It's catch-22 Marknis. You need a girlfriend but the only way to get a girlfriend is to not need one. I see no way out of this.


Can I really be blamed, though? Romance and sex were shoved in my face as if they were wonderful things but I couldn't have them. The people who did it were doing it in a mocking way. I wanted to prove those people wrong. It causes me a lot of suffering but if I were to let it go, it would mean all the struggling was in vain. My already unhappy story would have a Lovecraftian ending.


You've hit on a key: society has, in many ways, formed our ideas of what we want. Realizing that also can free you from it. You tell yourself that if you've been trained to want it, then you should be able to un-train yourself. Without question society forces the relationship ideal on us. Its survival of the species. And there are thousands of ways of trying to enforce that conformity. Its a lot to fight against, but you will be happier if you do. I know I was.

And writing this I'm feeling so guilty for becoming part of the game, how much I like match making and following my kids relationships. I need to stop that. I know how harmful that pressure can be for people, I do. Ugh.


Does this mean I'll gave to give up wanting a relationship completely?
Just admit that the people who told me I would never have a girlfriend were right and I am indeed a loser?



DW_a_mom
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12 Oct 2017, 7:50 pm

Marknis wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Too late. If Marknis's happiness is dependent on having a girlfriend that means his happiness is dependent on someone else's decision. That means he's already someone's puppet. The only way out is to be happy without depending on someone else. But now I'm starting to sound like all the people who told him he doesn't need a girlfriend.

It's catch-22 Marknis. You need a girlfriend but the only way to get a girlfriend is to not need one. I see no way out of this.


Can I really be blamed, though? Romance and sex were shoved in my face as if they were wonderful things but I couldn't have them. The people who did it were doing it in a mocking way. I wanted to prove those people wrong. It causes me a lot of suffering but if I were to let it go, it would mean all the struggling was in vain. My already unhappy story would have a Lovecraftian ending.


You've hit on a key: society has, in many ways, formed our ideas of what we want. Realizing that also can free you from it. You tell yourself that if you've been trained to want it, then you should be able to un-train yourself. Without question society forces the relationship ideal on us. Its survival of the species. And there are thousands of ways of trying to enforce that conformity. Its a lot to fight against, but you will be happier if you do. I know I was.

And writing this I'm feeling so guilty for becoming part of the game, how much I like match making and following my kids relationships. I need to stop that. I know how harmful that pressure can be for people, I do. Ugh.


Does this mean I'll gave to give up wanting a relationship completely?
Just admit that the people who told me I would never have a girlfriend were right and I am indeed a loser?


No, it does not. But you do need to get out of this negative mindset. The mindset holds you back and distorts all your interactions. If you can free yourself from the mindset, you are more likely to end up with the all things you really want. One trick to getting out of the mindset is to cut off the idea that a relationship is something you want enough to seek it and worry about it.


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Mom to an amazing AS college son (plus a non-AS high school daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


Last edited by DW_a_mom on 12 Oct 2017, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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12 Oct 2017, 11:32 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
My mistake. No wonder the women don't like your guns. The north west is the heart of leftie hipster territory.

Not yet but it’s getting there. It’s left leaning but only now just becoming anti gun. At this rate it’ll be like California in 20-40 years :(

Yes but great many of them want country boys 0.o