There's no point
17 Nov 2017, 6:56 am
Men typically have nowhere near as much room to complain about anything is why.
Everyone needs tovent and let off some steam from time to ime but men are expected tonhide their emotions in the real world so we vent online.
But a lot of people criticize men who complain online as well, especially women here critizing single lonely men here.
17 Nov 2017, 7:46 am
Outrider wrote:
Men typically have nowhere near as much room to complain about anything is why.
Everyone needs tovent and let off some steam from time to ime but men are expected tonhide their emotions in the real world so we vent online.
But a lot of people criticize men who complain online as well, especially women here critizing single lonely men here.
Everyone needs tovent and let off some steam from time to ime but men are expected tonhide their emotions in the real world so we vent online.
But a lot of people criticize men who complain online as well, especially women here critizing single lonely men here.
And then when you explain this, women will say: "Yeah! men should be allowed to express themselves too!"
But in real life, she won't ever f**k the dude who expresses his emotions, she might even feel disgusted by it. Talk is cheap. The emotional guy is doomed to blue balls.
You can't just change instincts that have been with us for 350 MILLION YEARS. People who think this is purely a culture issue, are naive as all hell.
17 Nov 2017, 8:25 am
To the women here with a problem.with the men here who complain, this is what men are actually like when they open up.
Your boyfriend/husband/brother/friend could be just like some of the men here but hides it.
Would you rather he's open about his feelings or sucks it up?
Be honest.
17 Nov 2017, 11:54 am
Outrider wrote:
To the women here with a problem.with the men here who complain, this is what men are actually like when they open up.
Your boyfriend/husband/brother/friend could be just like some of the men here but hides it.
Would you rather he's open about his feelings or sucks it up?
Be honest.
Your boyfriend/husband/brother/friend could be just like some of the men here but hides it.
Would you rather he's open about his feelings or sucks it up?
Be honest.
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit, but I still think they should do it. I'm not a mindreader; I can't know what bothers them if they don't tell me.
17 Nov 2017, 1:56 pm
Fireblossom wrote:
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit
Why? What is specific about how they do the venting on here.
I'll put my tuppence worth in. It's the generalisations that bother me. I know that's been said over and over. But people don't write about a specific problem they've had and want to work through on here. They write screeds and screeds about how women are and how men are and it does grate the nerves.
Read this interview in the Guardian today and James Damore was really getting into psychology, but he didn't take into consideration how his words would come across which is why his memo came over the way it did.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/16/james-damore-google-memo-interview-autism-regrets
17 Nov 2017, 3:09 pm
hurtloam wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit
Why? What is specific about how they do the venting on here.
I'll put my tuppence worth in. It's the generalisations that bother me. I know that's been said over and over. But people don't write about a specific problem they've had and want to work through on here. They write screeds and screeds about how women are and how men are and it does grate the nerves.
Read this interview in the Guardian today and James Damore was really getting into psychology, but he didn't take into consideration how his words would come across which is why his memo came over the way it did.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/16/james-damore-google-memo-interview-autism-regrets
This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me want to be an as*hole hurtloam. People who want to censor truth, or get outraged by terms they don't understand.
"Neuroticism" is the actual term that is used in clinical psychology, it's part of "the big 5", which is the most widely accepted and used system to measure personality traits. Anyone who has studied psychology would know that.
And his claim is factual, women do tend to rate higher in neuroticism, and actually also in agreeableness.
What exactly is it that's wrong about what he said? That he is telling the truth? We seriously need to re evaluate our values in modern society. I don't see any point in lying just to be nice.
17 Nov 2017, 3:34 pm
If truth is not our highest value, we'll end up with a society, where everyone lies to eachother to get what they want, or to be liked or not piss anyone off. That sounds like absolute hell to me. That sounds like a society where no one is real.
Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, but that doesn't mean we should just avoid it, it's not a good thing. There are alot of truths that I don't like. The fact that I am an aspie, makes me a less desirable partner to most women, and automatically gives me a lower starting position in the social hierarchy. Of course that hurts, but it doesn't make it any less true. I know I'll have to compensate in other ways in order to balance it out. I am grateful that I wasn't born stupid aswell, because maybe I can increase my status in society by using my intellect, to help others and earn money. So that's what I am going to do.
All my life I've been compensating. Whether it's being in extremely good shape, or trying to impress others by getting extremely good at my hobbies, it's probably been a way of compensating, on a subconscious level. That's probably why I have been able to have girlfriends.
There is nothing more cruel than lying about these things. That being said, can we tell the truth in a way that's compassionate? Absolutely. But that's not a guarantee that no one will get offended, and honestly this is not what I see happening right now. What I see happening in our society, is that one shouldn't tell the truth, at all.
17 Nov 2017, 4:26 pm
hurtloam wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit
Why? What is specific about how they do the venting on here.
I'll put my tuppence worth in. It's the generalisations that bother me. I know that's been said over and over. But people don't write about a specific problem they've had and want to work through on here. They write screeds and screeds about how women are and how men are and it does grate the nerves.
Read this interview in the Guardian today and James Damore was really getting into psychology, but he didn't take into consideration how his words would come across which is why his memo came over the way it did.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/16/james-damore-google-memo-interview-autism-regrets
It doesn't matter how many times you say it, because you're a woman he's not going to hear you. He already said he thinks we're all liars (and neurotic and irrational too!) and he intentionally doesn't listen to us when we talk and he saves being nasty for us when he comes here because he's afraid to be nasty to women face to face. I don't think these particular kinds of sexist guys are capable of changing the way they think. They WANT to hate us and make sexist generalizations, because it's easier than honest self-examination and questioning the true source of their dating difficulties. Your words hold no weight with them, because they're coming from a "lying, neurotic" woman. They will only listen to other men (like James Damore) who tell them what they want to hear.
17 Nov 2017, 4:46 pm
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit
Why? What is specific about how they do the venting on here.
I'll put my tuppence worth in. It's the generalisations that bother me. I know that's been said over and over. But people don't write about a specific problem they've had and want to work through on here. They write screeds and screeds about how women are and how men are and it does grate the nerves.
Read this interview in the Guardian today and James Damore was really getting into psychology, but he didn't take into consideration how his words would come across which is why his memo came over the way it did.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/16/james-damore-google-memo-interview-autism-regrets
It doesn't matter how many times you say it, because you're a woman he's not going to hear you. He already said he thinks we're all liars (and neurotic and irrational too!) and he intentionally doesn't listen to us when we talk and he saves being nasty for us when he comes here because he's afraid to be nasty to women face to face. I don't think these particular kinds of sexist guys are capable of changing the way they think. They WANT to hate us and make sexist generalizations, because it's easier than honest self-examination and questioning the true source of their dating difficulties. Your words hold no weight with them, because they're coming from a "lying, neurotic" woman. They will only listen to other men (like James Damore) who tell them what they want to hear.
I am sorry, but you are completely wrong. I actually do read, I just disagree. Contrary to what you believe, I am perfectly capable of proper self examination. I admitted that I am sometimes a bit nasty on this forum, and sometimes distasteful and insensitive, and I explained to you why I gravitated towards this behaviour.
"Sexist" implies something that is purely based upon assumptions. What James Damore talked about in his memo, is supported by several studies, and they all show the exact same thing. Women rate higher in neuroticism and agreeableness. That's not necessarily bad you know? Higher neuroticism makes women more careful, which can sometimes be the smart thing to do.
These studies are conducted by doctors in psychology, do you honestly think you are smarter, or know better than these people? Or do you just hate science?
17 Nov 2017, 4:55 pm
Closet Genious wrote:
If truth is not our highest value, we'll end up with a society, where everyone lies to eachother to get what they want, or to be liked or not piss anyone off. That sounds like absolute hell to me. That sounds like a society where no one is real.
Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, but that doesn't mean we should just avoid it, it's not a good thing. There are alot of truths that I don't like. The fact that I am an aspie, makes me a less desirable partner to most women, and automatically gives me a lower starting position in the social hierarchy. Of course that hurts, but it doesn't make it any less true. I know I'll have to compensate in other ways in order to balance it out. I am grateful that I wasn't born stupid aswell, because maybe I can increase my status in society by using my intellect, to help others and earn money. So that's what I am going to do.
All my life I've been compensating. Whether it's being in extremely good shape, or trying to impress others by getting extremely good at my hobbies, it's probably been a way of compensating, on a subconscious level. That's probably why I have been able to have girlfriends.
There is nothing more cruel than lying about these things. That being said, can we tell the truth in a way that's compassionate? Absolutely. But that's not a guarantee that no one will get offended, and honestly this is not what I see happening right now. What I see happening in our society, is that one shouldn't tell the truth, at all.
Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, but that doesn't mean we should just avoid it, it's not a good thing. There are alot of truths that I don't like. The fact that I am an aspie, makes me a less desirable partner to most women, and automatically gives me a lower starting position in the social hierarchy. Of course that hurts, but it doesn't make it any less true. I know I'll have to compensate in other ways in order to balance it out. I am grateful that I wasn't born stupid aswell, because maybe I can increase my status in society by using my intellect, to help others and earn money. So that's what I am going to do.
All my life I've been compensating. Whether it's being in extremely good shape, or trying to impress others by getting extremely good at my hobbies, it's probably been a way of compensating, on a subconscious level. That's probably why I have been able to have girlfriends.
There is nothing more cruel than lying about these things. That being said, can we tell the truth in a way that's compassionate? Absolutely. But that's not a guarantee that no one will get offended, and honestly this is not what I see happening right now. What I see happening in our society, is that one shouldn't tell the truth, at all.
Well, you've just told the truth in this comment in a non-offensive way. It can be done. I have no problem with this. You've made no generalisations and you've explained your perspective and what you've experienced. You didn't say x do this or y do that. This is a good example of how to share frustrations.
I think there's a few of us who understand the game and can compensate. Well, I'm not sure I'm actually compensating well. I am too rigid in my ways. I don't think I can actually manage to cope a relationship let alone beginning one. Which was the point of this thread.
What's the female version of this. Flaunting my figure? lol Being forward, but not too forward because I don't want to come over as dominating and undermining.
I'm far too lazy for the game. I don't want to play. I can't be bothered.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
17 Nov 2017, 5:26 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ The truth is, that you seriously need to consider guys from other demographics, outside your extremely mega-limited focus.
I won't say further details, you know what I mean.
I won't say further details, you know what I mean.
Ah well guess I'm not allowed to talk about how I feel anymore because you disagree with my life choices.
I'm not trying online dating. I had a look on tinder, made a profile and I just didn't feel it. Just so many faces. How go you pick someone?
It's so cold and functional. I don't like it.
Even trying to kind of get to know guys at work turned out messy.
There's a guy at work who has just started within the last month. Seems quite nice. But I really can't be bothered anymore. He actually started a conversation with me today. Normally I'm the one who talks first.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
17 Nov 2017, 5:32 pm
Closet Genious wrote:
If truth is not our highest value, we'll end up with a society, where everyone lies to eachother to get what they want, or to be liked or not piss anyone off. That sounds like absolute hell to me. That sounds like a society where no one is real.
You just expressed something that has been bothering me about society for a long time very succinctly.
Truth without love can easily become merciless, but even such harsh truth is probably still better than lies.
17 Nov 2017, 6:29 pm
Closet Genious wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
I would prefer it if they did tell me about their feelings, especially if it was something I could help with. If they did it the same way I often see men do here, it would probably get on my nerves a bit
Why? What is specific about how they do the venting on here.
I'll put my tuppence worth in. It's the generalisations that bother me. I know that's been said over and over. But people don't write about a specific problem they've had and want to work through on here. They write screeds and screeds about how women are and how men are and it does grate the nerves.
Read this interview in the Guardian today and James Damore was really getting into psychology, but he didn't take into consideration how his words would come across which is why his memo came over the way it did.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/16/james-damore-google-memo-interview-autism-regrets
It doesn't matter how many times you say it, because you're a woman he's not going to hear you. He already said he thinks we're all liars (and neurotic and irrational too!) and he intentionally doesn't listen to us when we talk and he saves being nasty for us when he comes here because he's afraid to be nasty to women face to face. I don't think these particular kinds of sexist guys are capable of changing the way they think. They WANT to hate us and make sexist generalizations, because it's easier than honest self-examination and questioning the true source of their dating difficulties. Your words hold no weight with them, because they're coming from a "lying, neurotic" woman. They will only listen to other men (like James Damore) who tell them what they want to hear.
I am sorry, but you are completely wrong. I actually do read, I just disagree. Contrary to what you believe, I am perfectly capable of proper self examination. I admitted that I am sometimes a bit nasty on this forum, and sometimes distasteful and insensitive, and I explained to you why I gravitated towards this behaviour.
"Sexist" implies something that is purely based upon assumptions. What James Damore talked about in his memo, is supported by several studies, and they all show the exact same thing. Women rate higher in neuroticism and agreeableness. That's not necessarily bad you know? Higher neuroticism makes women more careful, which can sometimes be the smart thing to do.
These studies are conducted by doctors in psychology, do you honestly think you are smarter, or know better than these people? Or do you just hate science?
When women describe their life experiences to you and you "disagree", that is calling us liars and also indicates sexism because you only do it to women and you openly admit that. When you make a generalization about all women and we say "my life isn't like that, my mind doesn't work that way" and you "disagree" you are calling us liars and being sexist. I don't think I am smarter than doctors, I just know that generalizations don't apply to everyone because that's not how generalizations work. Thinking in the form of generalizations and applying them in all situations is lazy, ignoring exceptions and shades of grey is self-defeating and ignorant.
I just want to see this place be a place where autistic women can share their experiences and not immediately be attacked by the male members just for being female and having the same sort of struggles (like with dating) that the autistic men here have, and not be called a liar. I want to be able to come here and talk about what it's like being autistic without having to wade through all the toxic s**t being said about women. Is that really so much to ask?
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Do you struggle to get your point across sometimes? |
25 Feb 2024, 8:40 pm |
| Jupiter May Have Been Flat At One Point, Not Spherical |
20 Feb 2024, 3:37 am |
| worst jobs in US (I am number one [exclamation point]) |
06 Feb 2024, 11:00 pm |
