Women asking guys out?

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Wait...are you me, but a year ago? The similarities are uncanny! Haha.

Exactly this. I see no reasons why this should be considered "wrong". I think you'll end up with better guys this way.

I'm never gonna be rude being asked out unless I am sure it's actually a prank or they immediately seem super crazy. Crazy meaning stuff like just straight up telling me we're boyfriend/girlfriend or coming across as a pathological liar like really noticable inconsistencies coming up even within a single conversation. Like tons of red flags(that have to be very extreme for a guy with Aspergers to pick up on it right away) and/or really coming across inauthentic/disingenuous.

I think it's just the feminist stuff saying that girls should never show interest, the guy should always be the one to ask and it should be based on nothing in terms of cues as in a 100% leap of faith.

Even when interested they should play hard to get by actively convey disinterest, non availability and that the winning guy is the one who pursues even when every perceivable sign tells him he shouldn't. I don't like this mechanism as I think it selects towards less intelligent men. I think smart guys aren't going to focus their efforts on women who have no interest in him, no attraction, no chemistry and no availability. Why would I keep going if all the signals tell me there's nothing there? It's further illogical to me as it's considered creepy to keep pursuing a woman who has no interest.

Can you provide an example of feminists promoting this position? Because I don't think I've ever heard or seen feminists arguing that before, that girls should never show interest or pursue men. It strikes me that you have very odd ideas of what feminists believe. I am a feminist and I've never believed in alpha males or any of that silliness, and I have pursued men in some of my relationships. Where do you get these ideas?

Found a bit here but it's supporting the opposite.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/c ... eal_thing/

I actually agree with every comment on there. They're commenting on a link that's exactly the sort of stuff the people I'd worked with would have brought up.

http://www.lovepanky.com/women/attracti ... ard-to-get

Part of why I post is getting feedback, I don't necessarily feel allegiance to any specific cause. With this I'm curious where people stand, I want to try to improve my understanding of how women actually are. I don't want to be just a product of my environment so I want to challenge these beliefs. So far peoples replies have been helpful and its reduced my negative feelings.

People I've known and worked with who are "progressive feminists" which mostly seemed to mean they were misandrists, most of them were teens to early 20's women. They call themselves "progressive feminists". Though I am now starting to think maybe they're "fakes" who simply use it as excuse for hate. I think I've shared space with a lot of really toxic people so I want to make sense of what the truth is. I think I've taken in toxic beliefs over time in emotionally abusive environments and I want to challenge them. I want to start dating and I think these beliefs may be a problem as I think they may be reducing my awareness of how things really are.

Posted about it as it's one of the things I disagreed with so I think it's really cool when there's people who feel differently.

I’m sorry how’s that give men the power to choose? The woman chooses. If men had 5 girls all wanting to date them then they’d have the power to choose between the, but men don’t have any womnenseeking to date them it’s women who have multiple men to choose from.
Women can go on dating sites and get lots of matches and messages. Most men swipe right on every singe woman. So as a woman you can see a guy you like swipe right and have a high likely hood to be matched,
I’ve swiped right in thousands of women and not got s match. So how again do I have the power to choose?

In this scenario, the woman can only choose from the options presented to her. If nobody asks her out, she has nobody to choose from. If that guy she likes doesn't ask her out, she can't choose him. Whereas the men can choose to ask out any woman at all. The women might reject the man, but he did get the chance to see if it could happen. That's the choice I believe SAS is referring to.

Which is why it makes no sense to me. What if the guy I like is too shy to ask me out? I'm not going to miss an opportunity just cos I'm a female.

Maybe it's more common with the younger generation? I don't hang around with younger people so I wouldn't know. The feminists I know in my age range have certainly never expressed such opinions. None of them have ever judged me or said anything negative to me for asking guys out or being sexually assertive.

They're like 18-25 right now. To them the biggest issues facing women today are weak-kneed men aka little boys in men's clothing. In their mind women never get a fair deal and always have to settle for ****y men.

I’m not allowed to ask most women out.

Yeah I see no reason women can’t ask men out. I wish if some woman likes me she’d ask me out cause I’ll never ask her.

Why are you not allowed?

If a girl will be into you, she will let you know. It will be very obvious. If you did not notice it then either nobody showed interest or you ignored it (irrationally perhaps).

It really does not matter if a girl is doing the asking or not, because it is always very obvious when a girl is really interested.

I wish I could get some of that obvious attention. I mean, if she's not suitable for me I'd at least feel flattered by her interest.

What are some signs of interest that would be obvious, even when they intend to show none? I assume subtle cues may appear anyways.

It is illogical for me to decide to act when there are zero indications of interest. Like no smiles, cold demeanor, cold shoulder, responding minimally or not at all, all observable indicators being either neutral or negative. It would be akin to asking every woman out regardless of any form of reason.

I think the only way it will happen is if there are at least some indicators that she is or might be interested in me, at the very least simple friendliness. If I am interested in a woman I would try to make conversation, but will move on if they do not reciprocate in any way.

I am unsure how much perseverance men are expected to demonstrate and where the line is between perseverance and stupidity. Or are we actually supposed to take it to the point of stupidity?

Maybe you could start a thread about this, but here are some things I may do if I'm interested:

Make more eye contact with you than with the other people around.
Hold eye contact for a lil bit longer than normal (or do 'the look', where you look, look away, look back and smile).
Smile at you, including with my eyes.
Be a bit nervous around you, maybe a bit clumsy.
Touch you, e.g. on the arm when laughing at your joke.
Lean in towards you a bit, rather than neutral or away from like with the other people around.
Try to talk to you one-on-one even when in a group.

That's all I can come up with at the moment. I think a big thing to look out for is whether she acts differently (in a good way) towards you compared to how she is with the rest of the group, when you are in a group.

Frequently initiate contact outside of group. For example, if your classmate asked you to compare notes... at lakeside... during sunset, then she might have romantic interest in you.

I agree with 314, from experience what he says is 100% true.

Of course, we are talking here about frequent daily interest showing, and not of a smile once in a blue moon.