I'm trying online dating again

Post Reply New Topic

My ex-boyfriend kind of pushed me to do this. He is also my best friend and thinks I need new experiences and people because I was getting into a very weird phase of my attachment to him (I was like telling I didn't want to be with him but wouldn't want any other guy ever touch me and a lot of weird stuff). So I downloaded Tinder and made a profile in OKC on Thursday.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about it. It was definitely good to talk with other people, I met a very nice guy on OKC that is from the UK so probably not a relationship will form from it but I like to talk to him and he seems to like it too. It definitely made me zone out a bit from my ex-boyfriend. He is definitely the highlight of the people I've met, and it's sad he is far but I guess we just clicked well because we are so far we can be honest to each other.

I talked with a few other guys, but a lot of them seem a bit scripted and it's just get so boring. There is also the guys who get annoyed if you don't answer quickly and is so weird. And there was this very cute and nice guy who I was so interested until he sent me a naked photo out of blue. There is a few I had very interesting conversations but then they didn't answered me again.

I feel a bit bad receiving all this attention, but I still don't feel fulfilled because in the end I know this is some kind of game and this attention isn't exactly for me. It's a bit weird.

On Saturday, I went to downtown for a Birthday party I wasn't very interested in going but I felt it would be polite to go and as it is far, I decided to check if one guy would like to go out with me later. I picked one I was talking in the moment I left, we hadn't talked a lot, but I felt comfortable with him because he was also fat but cute (which I think is "my league"), and he didn't sounded so scripted. We went out and it was a bit bizarre until he asked if he could kiss me, it was very nice and we end up making out very hard. He seemed worried with me not losing the metro as it was late, but he didn't messaged me checking if I was home. He had mentioned (before and during the date) about getting really busy during the next weeks, but I kind of feel it was a excuse to not see me again.

I guess I'm fine with that but I don't want to make this a habit like go out and have some sort of hook up. It was so good to have physical contact after years but when it ended, I didn't felt good. But I think I have no idea on how to build a relationship, and I hate the fact I should deny a more intimate contact just because I must play with someone desire so this person can see me as "girlfriend material" or something.

I just wanted to write this to tell my experience and also ask if any of you guys have some tip on how to not be mean to guys on online dating. I think everyone has issues with that, but I guess for men it's a bit more harsh on rejections, and I don't want to be a toxic person to anyone.

My biggest pet peeve with online dating was how the majority of women I dated decided it was okay to just suddenly and without warning stop talking to me, especially after multiple dates. In fact, only two of the 30+ women I dated had any sort of class when they ended it. I simple "thanks for your interest but I have decided to move on" takes about 10 seconds but almost nobody felt I deserved even that. I now know in hindsight it's says more about them than me but at the time it hurt. As a result I spent far too much time reading every single line I wrote trying to figure out what I did wrong and why someone would be so cruel.

Hey babe.

You should ask him for a date. Until he refuses such an offer, you can't assume he isn't interested. He may be having similar thoughts about you (I guarantee you he's had thoughts of some sort about you). Don't put too much weight on the fact that he didn't message you that evening. Such things don't always come naturally to guys.

Also us guys sometimes hear that we shouldn't message rite after the 1st date cuz we'll seem needy. I think it may be NT custom to wait a few days before sending a message after the 1st date & it's also custom during the just dating phase to wait abit before responding to a message/text cuz we'll also risk seeming needy.

Another positive is that he asked permission to kiss her and then didn't pressure her to go any farther than "making out". A definite green flag IMO.

I just deleted my profile on Tinder and OKC because I was feeling really ugly today and don't think anyone deserve to date such unattractive person. I thought about writing some guys I had nice conversations with, so they would now I wasn't just un-matching them or something but I thought it would be unnecessary drama. I feel a bit dumb right now but I jut think those emotions are too much for me? I guess I need to focus on feeling more confident before trying again.

About the guy I went out, I didn't wrote him but after a week he also didn't wrote me. I think he really just wanted a hook up.

Do you get male attention in real life? I mean positive male attention and not catcalling.

I don't know. I think I don't, but I don't really go out and pay attention. But probably don't, as I'm overweight.

I can understand getting off Tinder, if my impression is correct that it's primarily a "hook-up app", but a site like OKC needs nice young women like you. Please don't think of yourself as undeserving of dates! I wish I could think of a better way to say this, can somebody else help me?

If he enjoyed whatever you and he did the last time, he'll enjoy doing it again.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Hi, thank you.

I'm not sure if Tinder is only for hook ups here too, it seems also more active in my area and I had used it before and met my ex-boyfriend there actually. I feel it hard because I'm fat, I just feel those guys don't deserve or want an overweight woman, and I'm afraid I don't look so fat in pictures and they are just giving me attention because dating online is bad. I feel like I'm taking advantage of a flawed system to get attention I wouldn't get in real life.

However, I thought about reactivating my profile on OKC, I'll go with more calm to it, like some people and check their messages and see if I met someone. I'll se how it goes and think about Tinder, I feel a bit sad because I deleted my account there instead of deactivating, and I was talking with two guys that were really nice but they seemed just too much for me, I felt so overwhelmed.

I'm very glad I returned my OKC profile. A guy sent me a message saying he had been lurking at my profile but was nervous about sending the message and then felt bad when I had deactivated it. He is super nice! He is also fat and has issues with depression and anxiety, he had talked for two full days. He said he is nervous about meeting soon, so he would like to know me better and such, but I'm happy with it... I'm hopeful.