Accepting too many red flags

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I'm talking about people treating you badly and making you feel like crap, massive mood swings that leave you walking on eggshells so you don't trigger them, silent treatment instead of conflict resolution, not ,"Oh he can't drive, he's a no." "Oh she can't cook, she's a no." "He keeps leaving the dishes out, he's a no." "She doesn't pluck her eyebrows, she's a no."

I can't live with that. I had parents like that and I was miserable.

I live on my own now and I'm free and I have peace... al-be-it momentarily disrupted by a guy who turned out to be just like my parents.

The pain isn't worth it to me.

You guys actually seem happy together though Nick, and have an understanding. I'm talking to the people who are deeply unhappy, but stick it out while their stress levels rise and they fall into despair for no good reason. People who's self worth has been trampled on and broken by someone who doesn't really care how they feel and who has no interest in making things better.

Awesome post, hurtloam! Sounds like you’re describing...I dunno, half the posts I’ve written when I mention my ex. I stayed with her for YEARS, partially out of guilt, partially because I didn’t feel anyone else would want me.

Until someone DID. And that was when I finally understood WHY they say “once a cheater always a cheater.” Aaaand of course my new gf dumped me, anyway, and that stung. But it’s a whole new low in a relationship when you’d rather risk heartbreak with your “last chance at love” than stay with someone you know is a sure thing. I discovered my real true love: ME. The woman I cling to now is someone who loves me as I love myself, and the kind of mind she has, along with her gentleness and STRENGTH, are her best features. I’d be stupid NOT to marry my best friend. And I make sure to treat her with the dignity and respect she deserves.

My advice, if anyone were to ask, is to make sure your love interest has actually worked for your love and that they are truly worthy of you. That’s going to mean different things to different people, of course, but you should never be with someone lacking in virtue. In return, make sure you understand that it is in your best interest to reward them for their devotion. Give them a REASON to stay with you. One of the biggest problems I’ve had to face, and I’m sure I’m not alone, was being with someone who expected to be my reason for living. She could punish me for not being perfect, and yet I had to act as though she could do no wrong. As bad as it was, I’d come to feel I needed her for every breath. Breaking up was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I was surprised by how much BETTER I felt. I hate how often I’ve advised WP’ers to end their relationships, but it’s stupid and wrong to stay in toxic relationships. Don’t be afraid to assert your own worth, and be sure that you hold your potential partner to the same high standard you keep for yourself. Even if you end up alone forever, it’s STILL better than being miserable IN a relationship.

Excellent post, AngelRho. As was your PM, I need to reply to that.

Since I PMed hurtloam what I thought, I thought maybe I shouldn't repeat myself. But, I basically said that hurtloam has been coming out with a lot of wisdom lately. I think if anyone here should ever slide downhill regarding dating, including myself, we should come back here and look at this thread.

From my personal experience: no relationship > bad relationship.

I think a lot of lonely people (myself included) get a desperation where they glum onto the next person that shows any interest. This can end very badly.

A bad relationship can be a bit of a gift in a way because you realise how great your life is without that person. As long as you don't get too embroiled in it and manage to get out without any serious emotional or physical damage.

It's an eye opener.

Because meeting someone with the same interests (animated sitcoms) is nearly impossible, if I do meet someone, I feel I have to hold on to them for dear life. If they are ever emotionally abusive, I force myself to look the other way.

I have even planned to relocate to Seattle, because I am convinced there is a huge animated sitcom fanbase there. There is none in Houston.

I've always ignored too many red flags. The last relationship was so awful, it's like you say,"an eye opener".

I think that my former desperation is cured!

Lots of times for nice hobbies now, and I won't be be putting up with shouting or manipulative behaviour again.

I've been attracted to fiery extroverts but I didn't know that I was autistic. I get the whole dynamic now and won't do it, I don't want that fire turned on me behind closed doors, don't want to get burnt.

Better to loved and lost then never loved at all.