How to attract women despite you have Aspergers
If you are like many other men who have trouble getting dates, you probably tried one or two of those suggestions once or twice each, and then gave up on the idea entirely.
I met my wife at church.
_________________
You set yourself up for failure.
It's like trying to find gold in a silver mine
It's like trying to drink whiskey from a bottle of wine
Keep looking for places where single women your age are likely to congregate.[/color]
_________________
_________________
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
In general I recommend going to places in public that you enjoy and participating in public gatherings of activities that you enjoy.
While you are there, try to be friendly and interested in the other humans there (even ugly old men).
If an attractive young female noticeds you in her peripheral and you are acting disinterested/rude/bored with other people, she's less likely to approach you or want to be approached by you, but if you are acting friendly and open she may want to talk to you as well.
As a bonus, the more friends you make, the wider you can cast your net to find potential mates.
_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!
↑ I used to (pre-covid) carry my flute or violin with me, in case a "jam session" would break out.
Sometimes I would show up early to an event (fair, festival, et cetera) and offer to help set up.
Carrying in a couple-dozen home-made brownies to a house party is always a good ice-breaker.
What I am trying to say that just showing up is only half the effort; the rest is being involved.
_________________
How do we know that one or more of these women is not a man? Furthermore, how do we know that one or more of these women/men has autism?
Fact= we dont.
Fact= many autistic men and women mask their behaviour to fit in.
kuze
_________________
'I am that which you seek to destroy'
Double Retired
Veteran
Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,412
Location: U.S.A. (Mid-Atlantic)
When I first met my future bride we had a wonderful conversation because we had a lot in common. I tried to get her to attend a regular event I attended but she had schedule and geographical constraints and I figured I would never see her again. (Much later she told me she had been very disappointed I did not ask for her phone number.)
A few months later she needed some help with something, remembered me and thought maybe I could help her, and from our conversation she had enough information that she was able to telephone me to ask for a favor. I could easily do the favor she needed, and while we chatted I learned of another way I could help her...and it would require meeting her in person so--with trepidation--I offered dinner out as well as the two favors.
Like I said, we've been married since 2000.
So, from my experience, maybe two things:
(1) Find people you have something in common with. Social groups, classes, volunteer projects, whatever, where you're more likely to find people who share some of your interests. Oh, and those things often have group goals which I think help me...in a purely social setting I could end up with a blank stare on my face.
(2) Find ways to help people. Give them rides when they need them. Help them move. Help them move furniture. Help them setup their new TV. Etc. Be useful to them. They might like that and end up liking you.
_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
While you are there, try to be friendly and interested in the other humans there (even ugly old men).
If an attractive young female noticeds you in her peripheral and you are acting disinterested/rude/bored with other people, she's less likely to approach you or want to be approached by you, but if you are acting friendly and open she may want to talk to you as well.
As a bonus, the more friends you make, the wider you can cast your net to find potential mates.
I both agree and disagree with this. For a lot of men our hobbies tend to be in areas that are quite male dominated. Me for example I used to only go to racetracks and gun clubs. Places where finding a woman is rare, and its usually some guys girlfriend being dragged in. But the general sense of go places and enjoy being there with friends is solid advice.
also general acts of kindness go a long way. I helped this girl 2 years ago jump start her car, two nights ago we met at a bar and she still remembered me and went on from there. Basically don't do things primarily to meet women, just let that be a possible outcome. I went from being one of the guys in this forum wondering how they can't get a girl to the guy other men ask how he does it because of that change in mindset.
Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want.
Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.
_________________
I've left WP.
Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want.
Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.
The "expecting nothing in return" is a very important one. I, and I'm sure most woman can sniff out the expectation from miles away. It's very off putting.
_________________
I've left WP.
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want.
Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.
The "expecting nothing in return" is a very important one. I, and I'm sure most woman can sniff out the expectation from miles away. It's very off putting.
Yea idk if I made that clear enough. But yea just be a the person that people trust and want to be around.
_________________
I'm an odd one...the times in my life I've attracted the most have been the times I've given up completely.
I attracted that rich man in Selfridges a few years back when I was lost, heartbroken and didn't want anyone else. I had great competition too.
_________________
I've left WP.
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
I did not tell how to attract anyone. But making that happen is a lot easier if you aren't "that weirdo" that groups of people will notice and avoid. Being someone people can trust, and carrying yourself in that manner isn't going to automatically bring all the ladies to you. But it gives you some time to talk to some and show yourself.
And I admit my recent changes weren't due completely to that. But it was a part of it. Location, experience, and sadly aging well also played an equal part.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Random Discussion - Women |
30 May 2024, 11:19 pm |
International Women's Day 2024 |
09 Mar 2024, 3:32 pm |
Reasons women do not date us! |
15 Apr 2024, 4:05 pm |
BME women 'twice as likely to be on zero-hours contract as.. |
27 Apr 2024, 8:37 pm |