To the men: What us women face.

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biostructure
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31 May 2010, 3:11 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
I'm a man, so if I say something stupid feel free to correct me.

biostructure wrote:
See, I totally don't get what's shallow or disgusting about that. And, perhaps more importantly, would women also find it shallow and disgusting if someone (guy or girl) looked at friends that way, i.e. said "I like to have friends of a variety of different personality types, because I find it interesting to meet more than one kind of person"?


It's not the same thing. When you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, potentially you will end up marrying them. Fundamentally at least, that is what dating is all about.


Not for me, at least not for the foreseeable future. And I don't think I'd get along well with a woman who doesn't agree with me here

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Not holding them above every other potential mate implies that:

1) you'd rather have a polygamous relationship;
2) you aren't entirely happy about having them as the sole partner in life;
3) romantically, you aren't that interested in them.


I don't see any of these wrong--and it wouldn't bother me if any of these were true of a woman I was dating. Or, to clarify, 3) would be disappointing if I were romantically interested in her, but if I was only interested in sex and/or friendship, it wouldn't be. Scenarios 1) and 2) would not get in the way of me liking a girl, much less insult me.



CrinklyCrustacean
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31 May 2010, 3:28 am

biostructure wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Not holding them above every other potential mate implies that:

1) you'd rather have a polygamous relationship;
2) you aren't entirely happy about having them as the sole partner in life;
3) romantically, you aren't that interested in them.


I don't see any of these wrong--and it wouldn't bother me if any of these were true of a woman I was dating. Or, to clarify, 3) would be disappointing if I were romantically interested in her, but if I was only interested in sex and/or friendship, it wouldn't be. Scenarios 1) and 2) would not get in the way of me liking a girl, much less insult me.


I'm not trying argue you out of your opinion, I'm just explaining why a lot of women have a problem with it.



Diamond_Head
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31 May 2010, 4:39 am

Quote:
I highly doubt this guy would date me:

http://www.pempeo.com/images/ed_hardy_M ... _shirt.jpg

I don't know him. Maybe he's a nice guy. Maybe he would like a woman who doesn't spend 2 hours a day painting chemicals on her face every morning, doesn't have a centerfold body, knows relatively little about fashion or hair styles, and would rather look for rocks in the mud than go shopping at Ikea or something, but probably not.

Most men like this like clubs, and raves, and drinking. They demand a woman both be modest and open to casual sex. They say they don't want high maintenence yet they want her to look pristine in a way most women can never look.

They want a woman who is just as club, and just as scene, and just as shallow.

Nevermind that they marry and have kids and then these women I could never be turn into the woman I always was. Calm, responsible, and down to Earth.


Uh. Where are you getting that from? The guy in the picture looks like he works out, and he has long hair. However, that doesn't imply that he's always on his way either to or from some all-night rave party where he poured a bottle of Vodka over his head and had crazy wild sex with coked-up sorority girls.

That picture looks like over half the guys I'm friends with who live here, most of whom are generally calm, laid back, down to earth guys. That guy doesn't even really look "scene" - he doesn't have full sleeve tattoos or the multiple facial piercings that almost all scene guys have these days. He just looks like your standard California surf kid.

Maybe the problem is that you see a guy who looks like that, and automatically assume that he's going to be some kind of hedonistic egomaniac, simply by virtue of being a good looking guy. Just the same way that there are plenty of very attractive young women who are calm, sensible, and down to earth, despite the probability of many guys who seem them out dancing at a club wearing a miniskirt and heels and automatically assume that they're shallow, materialistic gold diggers.

Finally - From my past experience in Los Angeles and Miami, even the shallow scene kids who go to clubs these days think that people who wear Ed Hardy shirts are massive toolbags. So more than anything else, maybe just the Ed Hardy shirt would be the dead giveaway.



CockneyRebel
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31 May 2010, 1:00 pm

We also have to have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a 28 inch waist. That nonsense makes me feel proud to look the way that my favourite Kink did, in the Summer of 1964. Dark hair, dark eyes, 45 inch waist. :twisted:


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ursaminor
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31 May 2010, 1:09 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
There is nothing wrong with dating different women - you're unlikely to find the right person first time anyway - but many of them will find the idea of not being Number One while you are dating them quite offensive.
They're never going to be number one.
Even if they were the only one, they're at most my fifth priority.
And they aren't ever the only one, so making them think they are is just going to make them overly confident in my interest in them.



Mosaicofminds
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31 May 2010, 2:03 pm

That's fine, Ursa, but knowing you're #5 is a pretty big ego blow for a lot of people, so it may be hard for you to find someone interested. You might end up with someone who can't get a relationship with anyone, and would take #5 over nothing at all.



Seanmw
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31 May 2010, 5:34 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
We also have to have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a 28 inch waist. That nonsense makes me feel proud to look the way that my favourite Kink did, in the Summer of 1964. Dark hair, dark eyes, 45 inch waist. :twisted:
actually i think the whole "men only like blonde blue-eyed bombshells" stereotype to be utterly cliche :roll: .
For example, i don't even like blondes that much, my preference is brunettes :lol: .
My girlfriend has brown hair & hazel eyes 8) .
& i think it's a shame that so many girls try to be blonde these days by bleaching/dyeing their hair, etc :idea:


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hale_bopp
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31 May 2010, 7:08 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
We also have to have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a 28 inch waist. That nonsense makes me feel proud to look the way that my favourite Kink did, in the Summer of 1964. Dark hair, dark eyes, 45 inch waist. :twisted:


Actually it's common knowledge now days that 98% of men like brunettes.
So any man claiming to like brunettes isn't unique, just one of the majority.

I think being biased against hair colour is bloody pathetic in general tbh. Some people look bloody awful as a brunette, (usually natural blondes) but dye their hair anyway to be "more appealing", which I think its sad - changing hair to try and be "hot" instead of doing what suits them..

I've only just let bleach grow out of my hair so it goes back to it's natural dark brown recently, I'm going with what suits me from now on regardless of what others think.



CrinklyCrustacean
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01 Jun 2010, 5:41 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Some people look bloody awful as a brunette, (usually natural blondes) but dye their hair anyway to be "more appealing", which I think its sad - changing hair to try and be "hot" instead of doing what suits them...

YES!

hale_bopp wrote:
I've only just let bleach grow out of my hair so it goes back to it's natural dark brown recently, I'm going with what suits me from now on regardless of what others think.


Good on ya. :D

ursaminor wrote:
They're never going to be number one.
Even if they were the only one, they're at most my fifth priority.
And they aren't ever the only one, so making them think they are is just going to make them overly confident in my interest in them.

So...who takes places 1-4?

biostructure wrote:
Or, to clarify, 3) would be disappointing if I were romantically interested in her


You've just answered your own question. Lots of women are looking for a boyfriend who won't be looking at other girls while they are a couple, and they aren't interested in you because that's not your approach. They are romantically interested in you in exactly the way you described.

biostructure wrote:
but if I was only interested in sex and/or friendship, it wouldn't be.

Obviously in the case of friendship, but some people prefer to save sex for when they are in a monogamous relationship.

biostructure wrote:
Scenarios 1) and 2) would not get in the way of me liking a girl, much less insult me.


Scenarios 1) and 2) might not bother you, but they will probably bother a lot of women (again I'm open to correction by the ladies here).