Why do LTR's have to be so *serious*?

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Well he posts about how much he dislikes being around his friends and their girlfriends rather often, so figured maybe he'd be better off not hanging around them anymore. Though it may be better to just spend less time around them then totally burn the bridges I suppose.

Got there before me.

"You kindly invited me to your house. I was rude and spent the evening sulking. Why do you not want to see me again?"

First of all, we were at a bar on a trivia night, not at someone's home, where I'd show restraint, unless something really bothered me. I believe I have more leeway to express how I feel if we're in a public place.

Anyway, just the way these couples were acting, their relationships looked so serious! It scared me out of ever dating anyone long-term. Permanently. And their conversation sounded so empty: they were blowing smoke up each other's tuchus, praising each other to get the same praise in return. I just couldn't deal with the toxicity, so I started acting out, and feel justified doing so. I get it: they're NTs, so I wasn't expecting a dialectic on Plato's "Analogy of the Divided Line". But they could have talked about the Cubs winning the World Series. Or people's reactions to Donald Trump being president. Something that's not a verbal circle jerk!

Now, why does it have to be this way? Why can't people just enjoy a relationship with each other, both in and out of bed, without getting all "serious" about it? I've met other couples that were totally awesome. In fact, one of the best conversations I had on my cruises were with couples, both young and old. The man got a nice change of pace having male company to talk to, and the woman got a neutral third-party opinion on things. They made me feel like a "full member" of the conversation, rather than "that single loser who tagged along". Instead of motivating me to "find my other half" (their words), they're only driving me into the arms of escorts. And people say it's aspies who lack social skills!

With all the complaining you do about these people I can't help but wonder why you bother talking to them at all.

Cos it's up to them?

Can you give any examples of the stuff they say to each other? Is it that soppy and disgusting?

Exactly.

All that circlejerk relationship talk, it use to be more common among the women but it appears males do it too nowadays.

I feel any relationships I have should be something extremely private and personal, purely between the two individuals.

I would be perfectly fine, if not prefer it if a girl I was dating didn't feel the need to even tell her friends at all or introduce me to them, and I wouldn't force her to meet mine.

I have no interest in meeting a girlfriend's friends, but at the minimum would want to introduce each other to our families.

Even then if she hates her family or believes I'd think less of her because of them, then I'd be fine if rather than her entire family it was just her parents I'd meet.

I would also not force her to meet my family but only my parents for the very same reasons.

Sadly for both personal reasons and safety reasons most men and women entering relationships always feel the need to introduce family and friends to each other to get second opinions.

I'm the kind of guy who doesn't see the need to tell even my best of friends if I get a girlfriend, I'd see her one on one instead.

In high school my ex gf and I shared the same group of friends and only one of them knew the entire time. I actually like it this way.

Even something like an engagement I'd keep between me, her, her parents and maybe my Mum and that's literally it.

"Cos it's up to them".

If so, almost everything about how a relationship must be is up to everyone else and not myself, because my views on what constitute an ideal relationship are so different to the rest of the population and thus limit my options.

He's complaining the vast majority of people in his experiences have LTR's that are different than what he would want out of it.

He lacks control over having the kind of LTR he desires rather than what society and 90% of people deems is appropriate for him.

Last edited by Outrider on 15 Nov 2016, 12:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Social duty. I've been friends with them for over 10 years, and we have a long history together. Well, at least until they got into this "settling down" crap. Now it feels like losing friends to a heroin addiction. I still care about them, but it's shady of them to kick me to the curb just because I can't give them sex or "love" (notice the quotes).

Yes, indeed. It was mostly the women saying these things. Here are examples:
* "Oh my god! I love being in a committed relationship. Plus the make-up sex feels so good every time!"
* "Giiiirl, you have no idea how good this feels. I love [boyfriend's name]. <laughs>"
* "You're going to have such a happy life together once you get married. It only gets better."
* "All those nights out with friends are so over! <laughs>"
* "We do everything as a couple <squeals> now that we moved in together. It brings you really close!"
* "If you two are this happy, can you imagine how nice it'll be for your kids?"
* "I can't wait to try [name of a sex hotel chain] with [boyfriend's name] sometime. Girl, <squeals> I can't wait."
* And so on, and so on, and so on.
Meanwhile, I roll my eyes and/or pump my fist behind my neck in a "noose" motion, while deciding if I want my next escort to be a blonde or a brunette.

I'm the opposite: I like to meet a girl's friends before dating her, as a screening tactic. Consider the 22-year-old girl I talk about. I was immediately floored by how non-threatening she was. But cooler thoughts prevailed, and I decided to see what her friends are like, to evaluate their threat level to me. Turned out, they're as nice and mellow as she is, and even her guy friends were totally cool. Only then, did I fully relax while being with her. As for meeting families, I avoid it unless/until absolutely necessary. And I get micro-panic attacks when I hear my friend talk about having dinner with his girlfriend and one or both families.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 14 Nov 2016, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, well, that's what you get for being single. Only losers are single. If you don't, or God save you, can't, get a partner, then you're a perpetual loser. Have fun with that.



None of that sounds serious, it sounds like they're having fun and enjoying themselves. You may roll your eyes, but the joke's on you - they're all happy together and have no need for you.

What?! You gotta be pulling my leg. It's very serious, and certainly not fun. Drinking beer is fun. Watching sports on TV is fun. Hiking on a historic trail is fun. Riding trains is fun. Even weightlifting is the gym can be fun (or at least healthy). Me and my friends used to do all these things, before they kicked me to the curb. Getting together with another couple and verbally circle-jerking each other? Hell no, not fun! Or maybe it's an NT thing I'll never understand, so I should just lay off.

And a couple can still do all that as well as verbally circle-jerking each other at boring-ass trivia nights with their boring-ass single loser friend. Again, why do you hang out with these people you have so much contempt for? Do you not understand that friendships are rendered obsolete by relationships? These people have zero use for you now. Get a partner and join in, or stop wasting your time with people who you're irrelevant to.

No truer words have ever been spoken, dammit.

Friendships tend to be stronger when each friend has the same relationship status.

It's just as true for a group of friends to all have girlfriends/wives now to bring along or be dragged along themselves to get togethers as it is for a few forever alone guys to share in their depressive misery and pointless misadventures in both finding girlfriends.

I call BS on that. I met plenty of couples who continue to maintain independent friendships, and not just circle-jerk each other. Not to mention, this goes against human evolution. In the early Quaternary Period, all people, single and relationship'ed, needed many friends to form tribes, to protect each other against saber-toothed tigers and help hunt woolly mammoths. In which case, it didn't matter if friends were single or relationship'ed.

And even I found a significant other, there's no way in hell I'd want to expose her to this crap. Any woman worth my time---and you know I screen people very judiciously---deserves better. I'll bring her to my sports leagues and board game groups instead, where the group dynamic isn't such a dog and pony show.

"All those nights out with friends are so over!"

Sounds to me like they're hinting that they want to get rid of you.

You say that you stay out of 'social obligation', but here's the thing: You don't want to spend time with them. You're rude to them. You sulk and behave in an immature way. As a result, they won't want to spend time with you either. You're no fun to be around, and you don't think they are fun to be around. There's no obligation here. Everyone in this situation would be happier if you stopped meeting with them.

^ I was going to say that. It looks very much like passive aggression to me. They didn't like you and were trying to make you feel bad. Nobody talks like that. I mean, this bit screams it:

"All those nights out with friends are so over! <laughs>"
* "We do everything as a couple <squeals> now that we moved in together. It brings you really close!"

Italics for the main hints. I don't know if they started spurting those things out first or if you did the noose thing etc. but yes, they were way OTT hinting that they didn't like you and they were being bastards about it. Seriously, f*ck them.

They said these things before I started doing the fist-noosing. And I'm going to have go do a bit of a mea culpa here: I posted these lines out of context. The "All those nights out with friends are so over!" one was said when one woman mentioned having a baby. In which case, it'd be harsh but true. The second one was just gushing praise.

Also, I don't think they want to kick me out, at least I hope not. When I hung out with one couple, as a third---not fifth---wheel, it was much nicer. The woman even said: "I'd feel bad if you and [boyfriend's name] stopped being friends because we're together now." So I guess it wasn't so much my friends personally, as the toxic group dynamic and/or NT neurology. I guess when you put two NT couples together, politeness goes out the window, groupthink takes over, and the verbal circle-jerk begins. (Not unlike Cubs fans acting rowdy at the World Series when "the group" is doing it.) And come to think of it, those past good experiences in interacting with couples usually involved dealing with one couple, as opposed to multiple.

Going back to the original topic. I think there's a divide between couples in general: single-friendly and "serious". There's no correlation between things like people's ages and duration of relationship. Single-friendly couples are like the ones in my interest groups or on cruises. They're together, they briefly mention it, but it's treated with the same nonchalance as their occupations or city of residence. Interacting with them doesn't feel much different than interacting with one person. My friends are the "serious" type. It is what it is.

You know, I've been reading about those couples' resorts, like Sandals et al. (Those aren't sex resorts.) When you go there, you have to be with your significant other all the time. Should you ever appear alone, like at breakfast, other couples start passing judgment and asking questions. It's just the nature of the place. I can only imagine the verbal circle jerks that go on there. I know I'd really hate it.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 15 Nov 2016, 8:01 am, edited 1 time in total.