any successful relationships in which the girl initiated?
WantToHaveALife
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I initiated all of my relationships. None of them were great. I would agree with this ^ based on my experience. However, I did have one long-term relationship where the man really liked me. I got bored though because he didn't make much effort, but he did really like me, because his jaw dropped and he just looked plain shocked when I said it was over, and he followed me home once. That was the time I caught him doing it anyway. I had a short-term relationship where a man really liked me. He used to keep pushing my buttons all the time though. I don't know if that would have happened or if he had taken me more seriously if he had pursued me.
I'm sort of pursuing this man right now, he doesn't appear to be that interested and as you said I think he's just going with the flow. I'm kinda fed up of pursuing now anyway. It's fun and all but I want to be pursued for a change, and properly. No tacky gifts and I want someone who makes me laugh.
Same. I quit pursuing men. All I can do is live my life to the fullest and be the best version of myself. I´ve lost 15 pounds in a few months and I've started doing salsa classes and other sports classes. I am pursuing my second masters degree and I always look good. I try to be sociable and open and a little playful, despite aspie akwardness. That's all I can do. If a guy is truly interested he will ask me to have a drink with him and take take the risk.
I think it's a great mindset for me.
Where can I meet a woman like this?
Sorry to derail the conversation, but you are 22 and pursuing your third degree? and you have a life? Wow! That's impressive.
Wafflemarine
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In my experience when a girl has initiated it was sadly for their own amusement and they just ended up making fun of me to some degree. Not to say I wouldn't give it a try again and it feels great whenever someone does decide to socialize with me but I will automatically be wary of whatever they do from now on.
It does work though, my only friend to have a GF and for the last 2 years it started with her initiating with him and their relationship has been going very well. To well if you ask me I miss our xbox CoD weekends don't get many now.
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Sorry to derail the conversation, but you are 22 and pursuing your third degree? and you have a life? Wow! That's impressive.
Yeah my second masters degree in psychology and i want to start astrophysics next year
Sweetleaf
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I wouldn't know as I never initiated one and haven't really had a long term relationship, not that I haven't wanted to....just autistic troubles with interacting with someone unless they interact first. I got on a couple free dating sites as I thought talking to people online initially would be easier, but usually before I really find anyone I want to message I usually get messaged and some people who do that interest me.
But I don't think having the female initiate things would doom the relationship to failure, and I personally do not care about society gender roles so I do not see why people should stick to them just to stick to them. If female wants to initiate interaction with a male she likes then she should if able in my opinion...what if the guy would never know she was intrested unless she initiated it? so hell they might both miss out.
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WantToHaveALife
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But I don't think having the female initiate things would doom the relationship to failure, and I personally do not care about society gender roles so I do not see why people should stick to them just to stick to them. If female wants to initiate interaction with a male she likes then she should if able in my opinion...what if the guy would never know she was intrested unless she initiated it? so hell they might both miss out.
wish it wasn't so one-sided
I've always felt it doesn't matter who makes the first move. Generally speaking, I've made the first move in all of my (insert label here) encounters with women. Having said that, after this "first move" nonsense, it HAS to be mutual. Each person has to put forth the same amount of effort into building a relationship, if it falls short of that, one of the two has other interests.
Women don't typically make the first move because it shows desperation and it just opens the door to dating a guy who might otherwise not be interested or just realize she already likes him/open the door to misogyny ('tis my sister's words.)
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WantToHaveALife
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From my Aspie point of view, I am putting in the same or greater amount of effort, even if from a normal persons view it might seem as if I'm just not as interested.
I'm having to overcome fear, nervousness, the struggle to get the right words and say them and say them in a way that projects feeling. This has happened to me in all my dating and relationship experiences, but yes, it can come across as not being as interested.
So it's not always that someone might have other interests if it falls short.
From experience, I've always pursued the guy, and it has never turned out well. For three years in college I pursued the same guy relentlessly (and obsessed about him for 4 more), until i realized that he wasn't that into me and didn't understand me at all. Then I pursued a friend of a friend, until he shot me down. Then it was a coworker; then I flirted with another coworker in my own awkward way, until I realized that he was never going to make the first move because he wasn't that interested in me as a person. Maybe physically interested, but not relationship-interested. I've always been incredibly awkward in general, but I've heard that even for NT women it can be like this: if the guy doesn't pursue, he's not that interested.It sounds black and white and simplistic, but it's the truth; even though a lot of guys say that they'd like a woman to make the first move, a lot more of them don't want us to.
nick007
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WantToHaveALife
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those type of guys make it even harder for the guys that do want girls to pursue them first
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