Is it ever okay to look at a women's breasts?

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Laz
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30 Jul 2010, 5:31 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

Seanmw wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

T-Bone wrote:

I think some women would be insulted if you never glance appreciatively at their sexy body, especially if they are dressing up to show off their body (like if they wear a sexy dress).

only if you are an alpha or rich beta male, will most women care for such attentions.

T-Bone wrote:

However, I get scared, fear being accused of sexual harassment, so I just look them in the eyes and never say they are sexy even if they ask.

at work a long time ago, i complimented somebody on their artistically painted nail artwork- this person turned around, not saying a word to me, but complained bitterly to my boss about how i was sexually harrassing her, when all i did was say she had nice nail art work. my boss read me the riot act, at which point i promised her i wouldn't so much as even look in the direction of this or any other person even if they were on fire. if i were a movie star or bill gates or something similar, i firmly believe this woman would likely have said something to me along the lines of "marry me!"

I think the kind of behavior that you are describing is wrong and that society really needs to change. Men shouldn't have to live in fear of unfairly being given a sexual harassment charge.

Women already have enough barriers to enter and succeed the workforce as it is. There is a reason such laws came into existance. If a person makes false claims they are only going to ultimately be hurting their own career prospects in the future.

Such accusations are trivial compared to false accusations of rape or peadofilia.

aspi-rant
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30 Jul 2010, 6:10 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

What are the boundaries that are considered appropriate when interacting with the opposite sex with regard to visually appreciating a person's body?

Is it ever okay to look at a women's breasts when you are talking to them?

I have heard that a "discreet" glance is considered okay. How long is a glance? What makes a glance "discreet?

i certainly hope so it is... i love to look at a woman's breasts... even when i talk to her... in bed... ;-)

Stellar
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30 Jul 2010, 7:15 am

I don't mind short tiny glances once in a while. Some guys just get nervous or can't really make eye contact so they look down at the floor and in the process of doing that they might accidentally glance for a second or so. I think this stuff is natural, and some women overreact sometimes. Some people just have big boobs so it's kind of hard not to glance at least once.

The only thing I would mind is if a guy intently stares at them or glances more than twice for longer than two seconds. It's just annoying.

One of my profs wore really tight pants and stood sideways when he lectured with the white board and LOL he obviously had a huge package so I'm sure I'm not the only one who glanced once or twice cause it just stood out. I'm really not a perv, really, but I do find small doses of this stuff to be natural; it's curiosity.

JohnisBlind
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30 Jul 2010, 8:18 am

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

Ferdinand
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30 Jul 2010, 8:23 am

John, pssssht.

hyperlexian
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30 Jul 2010, 8:51 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

i don't think it is necessarily an overreaction if it offends a person to have other people looking openly at the sexual parts of their bodies. it doesn't bother everyone, but a person has a right to be offended.

JohnisBlind
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30 Jul 2010, 9:28 am

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

The last time I checked the human body was not anything to be ashamed of. But if you say that absolutely zero looking is the only thing appropriate then that is exactly the kind of useful feedback that I was looking for.

hyperlexian
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30 Jul 2010, 9:36 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

you have a peculiar habit of putting words into my mouth. did you completely ignore the help i already gave? look back over the thread before overreacting.

i thought you wanted honest advice... do you actually just want permission to look openly at women's breasts, or do you want to know whether it is socially okay to do so?

mechanicalgirl39
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30 Jul 2010, 9:44 am

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

I don't think it's an overreaction.

We live in a culture where women are so often objectified. You can't blame them for getting sick of it even if it is done in a nice way.

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JohnisBlind
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30 Jul 2010, 10:02 am

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

I just think that underlying this attitude that you can't look at a woman's body is that the body is somehow a shameful thing.

hyperlexian
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30 Jul 2010, 10:31 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

I just think that underlying this attitude that you can't look at a woman's body is that the body is somehow a shameful thing.

socially inappropriate is not the same as shamefl. nobody used the word shame, at all, in the thread, ever. did you go back and read my advice?

i don't think you actually want advice. i think you want to have people tell you that it is okay to look openly at women's breasts. i covered the most common situations and how it should behandled in my post i submitted earlier in th thread. many other people gave a big variety advice and opinions as well. we answered your original question with our opinions and experiences, and you now want to argue whther it *should* be okay.

just because *you* think it should be okay to look at women's breasts does not magically turn it into something that is socially acceptable. you have to live on this planet, like the rest of us, and if you don't at least try to follow the social rules and mores regarding looking at people's body parts, you will ultimately face social castigation.

JohnisBlind
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30 Jul 2010, 11:50 am

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

I just think that underlying this attitude that you can't look at a woman's body is that the body is somehow a shameful thing.

No......I can understand why you would conclude that I was wanting permission to look at women's breasts rather than getting an honest feedback. It looks like the consensus here is that you can't look at all-not even a glance. Is that impression correct?

As for disagreeing with a social code. A lot of social progress in history has taken place via people vocalizing their sense of a contradiction taking place in the social order.

jdcnosse
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30 Jul 2010, 11:56 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

It looks like the consensus here is that you can't look at all-not even a glance. Is that impression correct?

I think most people would say that unless you're in a position where you have to look (ie you're a doctor and you have to do a breast exam, or you're "in bed" with the chick and you're not talking to them but doing other things...) Then yes it is inappropriate to look. Especially while they are talking. However it happens, sometime accidentally, sometimes on purpose.

Janissy
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30 Jul 2010, 11:59 am

JohnisBlind wrote:

The negative feeling that women have about this isn't shame. It's personal boundary violation. Looking violates a woman's personal boundaries. Sometimes it's inevitable to look. Sometimes a very discrete glance can be gotten away with (which acknowledges that it's a personal boundary violation and just means not getting caught). But the only time it is across the board "ok" is in a strip club, in bed, or when it is needed for professional reasons (medical exam, tatoo, clothes fitting, probably some others I didn't think of).Those are the only situations where full permission can be assumed.

In all other cases it is a personal boundary violation. (Please don't confuse this with shame.) Some posters have told you how to violate this boundary without getting caught. Others have told you situations where the penalty for being caught violating the boundary is fairly low. But in no case is it shame that a woman feels when stared at like that. It's invasion that she feels.

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30 Jul 2010, 12:18 pm

auntblabby wrote:

only if you are an alpha or rich beta male, will most women care for such attentions..

Thanks for using the word 'most' it shows not all people think all women like silverbacks.

For me it's not really a matter of 'caring' either way - it just gets really old at times and patience runs out.
Sometime after having my reduction I realised something while talking to a male 'friend', so I siad to him..
"its odd, I lost my boobs and you found my eyes"

But on the other hand, sometimes I do miss them, because now, more then I care for, people want to look into my eyes when speaking.
So not sure what really was/is creepier for me

T-Bone wrote:

However, I get scared, fear being accused of sexual harassment, so I just look them in the eyes and never say they are sexy even if they ask.

Supposedly I am one of them, because I look like one and have the parts to fit, but for the most part I have no clue about them.
If I was male, I would be terrified to even breath near most that I have known, they change the rules way to often and say things I swear mostly to trap or cause grief. I get scared and felt fear because of them, so I would not doubt many males have.

auntblabby wrote:

at work a long time ago, i complimented somebody on their artistically painted nail artwork- this person turned around, not saying a word to me, but complained bitterly to my boss about how i was sexually harrassing her, when all i did was say she had nice nail art work. my boss read me the riot act, at which point i promised her i wouldn't so much as even look in the direction of this or any other person even if they were on fire.

If women can scream sexual harassment over their nails now - some 'law/rule/ maker needs to give their head a shake and stop this insanity
I hope she friggen chokes on something and your the only one in the room that knows the heimlich maneuver

unifex
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30 Jul 2010, 1:48 pm

eh, personally I just point over their shoulder and shout 'look over there'

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