90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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guess its just bad luck
any time I've gotten close to girls its IRL
though my problem is I don't know how to let them know I like them
so it ends up being a friend only thing
I do make friends though

Try giving her compliments and observe whether she gives you a compliment back, whether she just blushes and pauses, whether she makes a joke about it, whether she feels uncomfortable with it, etc. If she gives you a compliment back or she just blushes and pauses that's a good sign. If she makes a joke about it, it usually means she's quite sensitive in that area (humor is often used to mask insecurity). etc. But anyway, physical attraction is a subtle game of cat and mouse and it's important you learn how to flirt without mentally jumping onto her. It's something I also find hard myself with women I don't know from online conversation already.

One thing you could do is to try being more enthousiastic about things she's enthousiastic about and being more sad about things she's sad about. Also, at least try to appear as self-confident (even if you aren't). If you can manage to at least uphold the appearance of a self-confident man who cares about her and her inner world, you will find that women will enjoy your company far more than if you don't. Of course, the next step is to actually be as self-confident as you appear and e.g. to learn whenever she needs just a listening ear or a soothing voice rather than rational advice, however those skills you can best learn when you're already in a relationship as it's never the same with friends.

I remember when we first hung out I complemented her purse because thats what she told me to look for
its what came to my head
and she didn't seem embarrassed at all
she was happy I liked it
(its a nice purse)
and no thats not an innuendo
I once asked if she felt I should get a haircut and she said it suited me
which was nice as no one else likes my hair lol

we have things in common, plus I find it easy to talk about all sorts of other things (I rarely actually talk about things I like)
I haven't the slightest idea on how to flirt or anything
I've never tried it before
its all new to me, and I donno how she'd like react to it

If she mentioned the purse herself, she was probably fishing for a complement. That doesn't count.



Maybe she just didn't want to hurt your feelings?



Try to copy it from Hollywood. Watch "Hitch" for example...

It's far from perfect, you you've gotta start somewhere and practice. The longer you wait, the harder it'll become to eventually get it right.

no lol she has no problem telling it as she feels

well the purse was new so maybe
I still liked it

A lot of the children that Hans Asperger based his research on did indeed get married and many of them even had children. Unfortunately, a lot of them were unemployed. The stuff about almost all aspies dropping out of high school in Norway is bullsh!t. I've spoken to several people with Asperger's that didn't drop out of high school (even though most won't get particularly good grades).

While the Norwegian wellfare system is inferior to that of France, Singapore or Italy, it's beneficial for most people with Asperger's syndrome to be treated as intelligent beings—instead of people who can't manage their own lives and need to be protected from everything.

They just did a study where they found out that the junior high dropout rate was very high. And that study only included students that diden't have ADD or ADHD as well as Asperger's.

A lot of people with Asperger's choose the wrong line in high school. It's also possible to take classes without other students in Norway, but very few seem to realize this.

The problem is that in Norway, an Aspie kid is going to end up in a class of 30 noisy kids because in Norway, social training and integration is more important than learning.
That creates junior high dropouts.

If your kid's IQ is high enough to cope with his limitations as an Aspie, he/she should be able to pass any elementary and high school with ease (from an educational point of view). If his/her IQ is not high enough to cope with his/her limitations as an Aspie, he/she should go to a school for "special children". It's pretty lame to blame common NT schools on the dropout rate of AS children when parents make the wrong decision to send their low/medium-functioning kid to a normal NT school or to allow their high-functioning kids to become utterly bored with the mediocre standards of the NT school they go to.

I think that this is an oversimplified view of things. If schools only were these places were your brain gets stuffed with knowledge, then yes, there would be little difficulty for any sufficiently intelligent Aspie to succeed. Schools, however, are complex communities with often amazingly difficult-to-learn social rules, and my main point is that understanding these rules isn't necessarily correlated to IQ in any way. You seem to imply that a high IQ automatically means that you can deal with a lack of social and/or emotional maturity effectively. Here, I seriously don't agree with you. I know lots of people who are quite intelligent from an intellectual point of view yet are completely helpless in social situations.

So, many aspies soon find themselves sort of excommunicated from their peer groups. This can lead to significant depression or other kinds of mental malaise, which in turn can (and often does) influence scholastic results negatively - don't underestimate the relation between one's mental state and one's ability to perform intellectually. All the while the aspie's IQ is still the same, or even higher than when he started going to school. And this is one of the reasons there are homeless, drug addicted people who have brains enough to be PhD candidates.

Us aspies compensate our lack of empathy and instinct/intuition with logical reasoning as we simply have no other way. Considering IQ is an indicator for logical reasoning skills, the higher your IQ the more likely you will be able to overcome your limitations.

Or course, IQ is not the only factor. Exposure (life experience) and effort (actively trying to your limitations) are no less important than IQ, but a low IQ already puts you in the back of the line from the start.



At high school I didn't have any friends at all. For some years I did have a clique to hang around but usually these consisted mainly of unreliable losers I only hung out with due to a lack of more interesting people willing to hang out with me. Nevertheless, I learnt a lot about my social failures as a teenager and I never allowed them to influence my grades even though I at one point got so depressed I frequently imagined myself doing a high school shooting Columbine style.

My parents were aware of the fact that I had social problems at school, but back then none of us hard heard of Asperger's Syndrome. They did ask me if I wanted to go to another school, but since there were only two quality high schools in my area and most of the bullies from elementary school went to the other one I prefered to stay at the high school I was already at, considering the alternatives were probably worse. To survive the hell hole that was high school and not go completely insande, I pretty much told to myself that everything would be different once I was old enough to go to college. And quite to my surprise, my life did get a lot better at college age. I graduately learned to make and keep more friends and I've barely been single for more than a few months since I was 19.

High school may be tough for an Aspie, but you'll need perseverence to get through adult life and the pain and suffering of high school life is an excellent way to train it. If your IQ is enough, you should be able to succeed at even the most difficult classes with relative ease in spite of your social isolation. Even though I really hated my life when I was 16, I'm currently really glad I had to go through all that pain and suffering. In the end, it made me a wiser and more stable person.



The reason they are homeless and drug addicted people is because they gave up on life rather than trying to make something of it in spite of their difficulties. My life isn't the most succesful life either (my place is a mess, I was unemployed for 6 months due to the crisis and my BPD ex-girlfriend dumped me a week ago), but I nevertheless manage to live on my own and take care of myself. I had to take a very difficult path to get where I am today and I still have a lot to learn to get a really stable life, but at the age of 28 I probably developed myself as much as any Aspie can at that age.

My IQ is 135 (WAIS-III scale), by the way. I was member of Mensa for a few months but I never renewed my membership because Mensa didn't have enough appeal to me to keep paying the annual fees.

The major problem with the Norwegian school system is that there is barely no choice than the public school system. We have a disasterous "integration policy" wich gives us an extreme drop-out rate both in junior high and high school. Special education is based on playing soccer, hiking, getting friends and socialising, not simply getting students who can never get an education beyond 8th grade or students with no need for an education a job where they can at least earn enough money to survive and pay taxes. When most special education students are placed on art courses because that's where they are least in danger of being bullied, there's something wrong with the system.

@salonfilosoof: I do not doubt that you really did your best to succeed in life, which is to be applauded, but I still do feel that you're overgeneralizing a bit here. Not everyone who failed in life can be held accountable entirely for their own shortcomings. There are so many more variables to consider when pinpointing the reasons for someone's success or failure in life other than genetic disposition and sheer will to succeed. Consider plain good or bad luck for instance. I somehow managed to sleepwalk through my exam year, and into university (where things went much better), but that's because I had the good fortune of having a few teachers who believed in me despite my unwillingness to really put in my best effort, which was due to a major depression. If these wonderful people hadn't been around, things could have ended very differently for me. I didn't deserve it, but I accepted it gratefully, and now I'm relatively fine.

Like you said IQ is an indicator for a person's ability to reason logically. But sometimes social situations are so complicated or ambiguous or plain muddy that there's no way of reasoning one's way out of them. I often find myself in situations where I wouldn't know how to act or speak even if my IQ were > 250, just because people are so unpredictable that it's impossible to "calculate" their reactions.

As for homeless people, yes, they often are weak-willed and lazy, and some need to get kicked in the behind. But what I detest, and which seems to be an especially common assumption in conservatively-minded people, is to view weak will and laziness as vices that don't need to be explained or healed and which condemn a person to be excommunicated forever. But even those vices have a certain etiology, a scientifically analyzable genesis, and in many cases perhaps even a cure.

Last edited by dddhgg on 23 Dec 2009, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I see this stuff about how "90% of Aspies can't get a date" and I wonder hey, I'm an Aspie and I can't get a date, but then I see the same person asserting that people with AS are not really fit for a school or college education either and I don't think he's talking about me anymore...