A Self-Made-Man girl discovers that life as a man is harder

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Where? Please be specific. "There" is vague and useless.

Looks are important to women.

No there aren't lol. Make a dating profile with a woman like this and then one with her male equivalent. Compare their results and get back to me.

Not as important as money. Why do you see old farts going out with younger women? You think it's their wrinkles the woman is interested in? And the same goes for the old farts - they go out with the youngest women they can find (and they usually aren't ugly) and that's because they can. They know what women want and they have it - money.

You almost never see an old man in a relationship with a girl in her prime in real life. Celebrities and the super rich are completely irrelevant outliers.

And society never sees an older woman going out with a much younger man - celebrity or not.

This does not contradict anything I said. The 'And' you started with implies you agree with me, so I'm glad of that at least.

I am hardly upset by it...I can just see some inconsistencies, not to mention some of the difficulty she noticed could have very well had to do with the fact she was a female posing as a male rather than a real male...not saying its totally useless and there aren't any aspects of initiating relationships that females may have 'easier' but even so its not infallible.

Also I'd accept that autistic women are a minority so no point mentioning them in such discussions...if I hadn't seen so much assumptions and accusations of how easy it is for women thrown at autistic females here who try and post in this section about their difficulties dating. I mean duh autistic males are going to have a harder time with dating than neurotypical females...why do we need 500+ discussions debating this fact whilst ignoring non-neurotypical and/or autistic females may have just as much trouble with dating as autistic males when dealing with neurotypical males. Then just seems people think they can only be with a neurotypical or else there is no chance whatsoever of ever finding anyone.


As for her not being convincing, IDK...just figured that could have played in with some interactions beings she really is not a male. Also you'd have to specify what you mean by 'manly' since to a lot of mainstream society things I find attractive for males are more associated with females like long hair, I think make up can be attractive on guys and even dressing a bit feminine can be attractive...though nothing wrong with more masculine dress. Also yes if a woman was more attracted to males with strong male features...I could see how a woman making a perfect impression of a male still would not catch that womans interest due to the more 'feminine' appearance...but I didn't know the trouble autistics had with finding women came down to having a less masculine appearance, I thought it was more to do with the social issues/mannerisms and coming off socially akward and based on pictures of some members on this site...seems there are males who look quite obviously male I'd be willing to bet they also struggle in the relationship department.

Also I never assumed all or even most guys who struggle are after models...however I am not making it up that there are males who get so focused on looks and finding that perfect body they miss out on plenty of opportunities to engage with women and might even fail to see the ones that are attracted to them because its not what they've came to envision in their head. Also there are those who feel a pretty girlfriend will help them look better socially or whatever...though such relations don't usually work out as eventually the woman will feel used. Females can get caught up on looks and first appearances too though so its not like they're any better at avoiding detrimental dating mindsets/behaviors.

But yeah being an autistic male is hard...harder than being an neurotypical female, being an autistic female is much harder than being a neurotypical female too, so I just don't get the raging at females here on this site with autism or all females in general when we don't get what goes on in the neurotypicals heads anymore than autistic males do.

Yet both occur more than one might like to think....even in regular non celebrity life.

But it's true. Aspie women have trouble with dating too. You make it sound like the problems aspie women face don't matter, when they do.

Which leaves us right back at the beginning.

It doesn't matter what other people do.

It matters what YOU do.

I agree with No Escape, you can always find dates through online dating.

Hell, some of you here even got boyfriends just by posting whining threads about not having boyfriends .

Look, Norah, has proved that dating for men is in general harder than dating for women, then why that wouldn't apply to aspies?

Well given the ratio that would be true for most, in all honesty I don't even know anybody else diagnosed on the spectrum male or female so I don't feel any sense of community offline. I wish that were different and I've looked into some things but there really isn't much out there for adults which is pretty depressing when you live in a metro area of 4 million + god knows how many snowbirds in the winter. What's attractive about a partner on the spectrum is the thought that maybe they'd be able to relate to you and that you'd be able to accept each other's shortcomings, would that actually work out like that? I don't know, I could also see not wanting to have to deal someone else's struggles when you have your own. I think I could probably deal with it, it's not like the people in my life that aren't on the spectrum are drama free by any stretch. I think I'm better at helping other people than I am helping myself anyway and helping someone else would be a nice roundabout way of helping myself since I tend self sabotage whatever I do so I could do it indirectly. Whatever tho, it would be kind of dumb to pin any hopes on that just from a numbers standpoint.

German is lead by a woman last I checked, they still went to war. women fight all the time, in fact they fight dirty. men don't scratch at eyes or pull hair. on another note, women say if they get full power they going to castrate all men at 13 on castration day where men walk the street nude for women's enjoyment then the deed is done and men will be known to be worthless as women see them. so no thanks. women ruled world sounds more bloody then this one.

also what happens when the female leader of England thinks the female leader of France is cheating with her ally the us. ask a few women here if they think women can be very mean and backstabbing to each other over thinking something happen. listen to how women talk about even them as friends when they aren't around. I wonder why do they keep them as friends if all they ever do is say horrible things about them. o.O

Wish I'd known about her book when this came up before. I stand by what I said:

"Let's go over [Laci Green's] video:

She says that men face "pressure to be one of the guys, to make 'harmless' jabs at each-other meant to establish dominance." If she's right, I've somehow missed it entirely. I first encountered that type of banter at one of the least hierarchal workplaces that I've ever worked at. What stood out was that the guys wouldn't give me a hard time if I was already having a rough day (in stark contrast to female-run public schools, where they'd single you out as an easy target). It didn't change the level of professional respect between the people doing it.

She says that we're under pressure "to prove your manhood by having lots of sex; learning to see women as sex objects, and struggling to have meaningful relationships with them." Most American men don't have lots of sex. They usually have less sex than women, and the ones who give the most (like married fathers) get the least in return. Is that how she defines a "meaningful relationship?"

"...to pursue physically-demanding, dangerous or even violent jobs." One of the safest working cultures that I've ever been a part of was also the most male-dominated. There were some mildly dangerous tasks, but the level of professionalism among the staff was outstanding. Everybody knew what to do, and you could always ask one of the other guys for help. The only co-worker who ever pressured me to do something stupid (a case of first-day hazing) was a woman at a non-profit at which half of the management was female.

"...pressure to be the protector in a relationship, never the protected." Yes, there's lots of pressure. No, it's not from other men. I used to be easy-going about this, but it just attracted women who were insecure around men and looking for someone non-threatening, or women who wanted an emotional pick-me-up before they went off to get [screwed] by stereotypical alphas. Not worth it.

"...pressure to be the leader, and to always have the answers." I know a lot of women who want men to admit that we don't have all the answers, but they still believe in a magic book or institution that has them. How is it good for guys to be dumped in favor of a different fantasy? Can't I at least be passed over for realism?"