Slys dating site advice help thread.

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I'm typically likely a bit stoned w/o much else to do but refute sly's false statements - especially the ones where he's saying I said something I never did. Those ones irritate me more than his regular brand of fake news. My work/life schedule is in flux right now. In ~a couple weeks I'll be back to a regular routine and won't have the time nor interest for wp.

The best piece of advice I can offer is to find out which cities in America are running the Specialisterne program. There might be one nearby. If not it would be worth moving for. I know moving is difficult but believe me it would be more than worth it.

To say that they improved my life would be an understatement. They quadrupled my income and helped me become much more confident. They got me a job that pays $28 per hour or $42 per hour for overtime. A job with accommodations for aspies. Even someone who can't work full-time in a mainstream job might be able to handle full-time work with accommodations.

This job greatly increased my confidence and datability. When I started, I had never had a girlfriend. Now I've had several. Girls like the new me. On dating sites girls are much more likely to respond. Some of them go out with me. One of them is now my girlfriend.

Sly, what Specialisterne did for me, they can do for you.

I wanted to meet in a park. It’s free and I can get to it. It allows time to talk and enjoy naturals beauty. But like it often does it rains, she didn’t want to be outside in the rain.
So she wanted to meet at a place way on the other side of the next city on the outskirts. The bus doesn’t go there.

When I explained I couldn’t and then she asked why I told her I don’t have a car. This is her reply.

These are their requirements bold are ones I don’t have and so don’t qualify. They mostly east coast anyways.

I just looked them up for here, but I didn't get as far as requirements, when I read tech industries I thought 's**t'
Seriously, nobody deserves to have me doing their tech .

I’m trying to get in thst government paid friend program think. But disability service people didn’t know what it was and said they’d have to look into it

I’m not thst good at technology either, and I have a hard tm remember lots more information which would seem required to date tech. For example I wouldn’t be able to remember coding.

They seem to be working in the false stereotype that all aspies are tech gifted.

That's her criteria for a partner. Simple as that. Not all women will have that criteria. There are women who use public transportation, too. Hell, you might meet someone on the bus one day - that happens.

I think she was very polite in her response, too, and even expressed that she's honestly not trying to sound like a dick. It's extremely common that people want partners with similar income levels to their own as they're accustomed to a certain quality of life & lifestyle and want their partner to be able to join them in all the things they do, whether a drive across town for dinner or a vacation to a tropical beach destination.

My brother's ex-wife (who's still family to all of us) dated a few guys a few years ago and there were a couple that were much lower income than her, one that was on disability & very depressed actually, and she had to make the right decision for her and not be with a guy like that because she wasn't interested in lowering her standards or lifestyle to accommodate someone with no ambition or income. Money out of the equation and she didn't want to be brought down by someone who was very depressed, either. And she's an INCREDIBLY caring person. She's an RN and cares for people for a living because she's so naturally good at it. But still, she had her very reasonable personal reasons for not wanting to be with a guy like that, as do most women.

I share these things so hopefully you'll understand why women are like this And the importance of self improvement in order to broaden your appeal to others.

Granted, not everyone is like that. I know I'm not in the least bit. If I met my perfect match and he happened to be dirt poor, it wouldn't bother me in the least bit to be the one to pay for things. I'm typically the older, wealthier, one paying for simple dates and such anyways & I've only ever dated people younger than me so don't expect them to have career/financial success, anyways. So, maybe you'll meet a woman with an aspie-ish mentality about things like that, it's possible. But it still doesn't hurt your chances any to work on yourself and broaden your appeal to a greater number of women vs. waiting for that needle in a haystack.

It's nice to have a checklist of requirements in order to know what to work on & strive towards.

Also, sly, you do have a college education. It's valid. It shows you can learn & commit to things and follow through and all that good stuff regardless of what field it's in. So, you do meet that requirement. You're 5/7ths of the way there and only have 2 things to really work on before you qualify completely. That's a lot less work to do than starting at square one and having to develop all 7!

That’s not easy answer. It’s complicated, I could answer in a pm I don’t feel like disclosing my finical information publicly.

I’m hesitant to ask workmfor less days currently I’m working 3 days a week due to it being the slow time of year. Maybe I aske to keep it this way i dont know but if they had it their way I’d be working 38 hours a week the rest of the year.

FYI sly I never post anything with malicious intent to cause you distress.

I just don’t sugar coat anything I think you need to hear whether you like it or not.

If I didn’t care about your health or if you ever felt any better I simply would never respond to your posts, but it’s hard not to care when someone is expressing such dissatisfaction with their health & well being. So, myself and others post advice in hopes that maybe someday you’ll follow some of it and begin to heal instead of continuing as you are.

I’m gradually moving back towards full-time education after so many years of part-times, and my wife has always worked full-time in a variety of jobs. What I’ve learned is this: Qualifications are not meant to be taken too literally. I was a clarinet major in college, had little collaborative piano background AT ALL, and yet I was picked to be the lead instrumentalist at my church. I have since moved into choir arranging, transcribing music for band members who largely do not read music, and I lead and coach the youth worship team. I haven’t set one foot in a seminary. All I’ve done is attend yearly workshops/seminars/conferences in the area of worship arts and that has made a tremendous difference.

I’d given up on my teaching career and even lost my creds from failure to renew. After my wife lost her last bank gig, I had a chance encounter with a high school principal at a groundbreaking ceremony when I asked about their instrumental program. I wasn’t looking for a job. But I was given an impromptu interview early the next week DESPITE not having a current license. I’m 100% legal and legit now thanks to my school being willing to work with me.

Previously I was offered a band director gig at a different school without even applying. They just gave it to me. It didn’t work out after 2 years, and that’s when I gave up.

Until recently, I taught at a community college extension. They heavily promoted the non-credit program back then and I did really well for a while. I quit after a few years of administrative “musical chairs” and too many students flaking out, but all in all I had a good run. I didn’t apply for that job, either. I got a phone call and was told when to show up and where.

Other one-off gigs I get word-of-mouth. I have a decent reputation. Every now and then I get to play with bands, though that seems to have dried up at the moment. These things come and go. None of them ask me about my “qualification.”

My wife has had very similar experiences except she’s moved around more than I have. I tend to find slow grooves and stick with them, whereas she’s taken more risks and earned a lot more money. We both mainly just fill out applications so employers have something on file, but that’s merely a formality. We both worked as paralegals without a degree. I’ve been a process server before, and I have no law enforcement background whatsoever. After she got tired of lawyers, she worked as a bank teller for a few short years. Made head teller within months. No degree. She took a demotion when things got screwed up and took another head teller position at a different bank. She got fired after a loan officer felt threatened because she was so good at her job and was looking to advance. So the school handed her a teaching assistant position. No degree in education or childhood development. Things got real with a finance officer, so...musical chairs and now she’s an administrative assistant for the entire elementary. No degree.

Point is this: “qualifications” are only there to scare off the flakes and weirdos. Probably most of your actual employees, and I mean the really GOOD ones, never actually apply for jobs or drop resumés unless specifically asked to. And a lot of THEM probably aren’t actually qualified on paper for the job. If you have the talent or at least the willingness to train, that’s just as good as any. Some professions REQUIRE creds, like law, medical, and education just to name three, but by far most positions aren’t all that concerned about your background. Can you do the job, do it well, and without going on an axe/chainsaw/AK47 rampage in the workplace? And do we like you? Then you’re hired. If “qualifications” are all it takes to scare you off, their thinking is you’re probably not the kind of person who would work well in that workplace.

I’ve often been pleasantly surprised inquiring about jobs, and I think most people would. Never take it for granted that “qualifications” alone are enough to keep you out of a job you know you could perform and even enjoy.

^ Excellent post about qualifications being wish lists vs. set in stone requirements. Same goes for peoples' dating profiles & app accounts. Sly's thinking is very rigid black-and-white aspie thinking and he can't see the gray area in these things. If I read peoples' personal ads or app profiles as black & white set in stone there's a whole lot of dates/hookups I'd have never had. Someone might say "not interested in anyone over 30," or "not interested in anyone under 40," but after a chat we might just go out for a beer. Reality. Posting because sly needs a reminder that life isn't so black and white & people are more flexible than their wish lists convey.

As for jobs, that list of requirements was from an organization that helps autistic people get jobs. They may be a little flexible on their requirements, especially for someone who's enthusiastic about wanting to be able to help themselves improve & succeed in the workplace. Retro is an example of someone who succeeded through them because he was wanting & willing to help himself do so. Sly is still stuck in a rut of a mindset where he's unwilling to improve himself for any reason, work, relationships, or otherwise, because he falsely believe that he cannot. At this point since he has no desire to make any attempts at improvement to enable himself to eventually work full time, this organization would not be able to help him. He has to get passed that hurdle & want to change before they, or anyone, can. Funny (ironic funny) thing is that sly's recently posted in another thread that his various mental/neurological ailments & constraints keep getting worse (as did mine years ago) and thus he acknowledges that his abilities and capabilities can in fact change (in this present case for the worse) but still refuses to acknowledge that if they can change for the worse, that it's possible for them to change for the better, too. Realizing & accepting those things are pretty much the very first steps a guy like sly has to take before he can build himself up to being a more employable, or for the purposes of this thread, a more datable sly. Once he does that everything else will start to slowly become possible for him. But until he does there's approximately Zero that anyone can do to help him, as is evidenced by more than 50 pages of ignored or discounted as valueless advice & pretty much the only positive responses from sly being for the sympathy he seeks.

Indeed.

This is a it firm. I suck at computers and know nothing. They’d have to train me from scratch, they want people who have experience from their site it seems in the USA, they are a program to take college graduating aspies and help them find work in the field.

Not take random aspies and train them to do the job. They a head hunter. Companies pay them to find qualified employees.

So, you're not interested in IT/STEM aspie things or work.

That's fine. You don't have to be interested or capable of doing that stuff.

The point still remains that "requirements," and "qualifications," in both employment AND personal ads are simply wish lists and that most employers and people are flexible. Interpreting a list of "requirements," or "qualifications," as being written in stone is a part of the social world that you're blind to. Life isn't as black and white as your thoughts & perceptions make it out to be. There are maaaaaaany shades of grey; way more than 50 even. What we're telling & teaching you right now is that those lists aren't set in stone, they're ideals of perfection of someone's wish list for that job role or life partner that they believed & wrote in the moment they were authored, no more no less. Yes, some employers and people will be very rigid and say "Didn't you read my ad/profile? It has requirements for a reason," but MOST will have some degree of flexibility from their so called requirements.