How do you know if your standards are too high?

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PlatedDrake
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04 Nov 2009, 12:59 pm

SINsister wrote:

Hey, aren't you forgetting something? I'd also have to love/like/tolerate the guy in question; in my past experience, it's always (or almost always) been one-sided. There's a thread elsewhere dealing with this dilemma, so I won't rant about it at length here.

Your options are open because you have women in your "real," day-to-day life who get along with you, like you for who you are, and vice-versa. I can't claim either. Do you lot really think I'm turning guys away right and left because of some haughty laundry list of demands that aren't being met? Hello, NO. As I've stated countless times in other rants, attractive men, save for a couple of co-workers who HAVE to talk to me, don't give me the time of day. End of. There aren't any guys here for me to be taking a chance WITH!

I just said i they have my eye, i couldnt tell you if they liked me . . . hell, i couldnt even tell myself. But, im just spewing info from observations. Ive mentioned previously in other posts about my lack of relationships in RL, and yes, i have trouble even taking my own advice. I apologize if you took offense. Ive been of the philosophy to not go looking, but that means anyone i meet would be in a professional/work related environment only . . . or in the case i go out to get something (groceries, supplies, etc). However, in the latter case, i dont really talk to someone because i dont want to interrupt them while working (some jobs are strict on employee/customer interaction).

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Greatsharkbite
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04 Nov 2009, 1:12 pm

therange wrote:

I'm a guy and don't rate other guys, but I am above average looking, keep myself in shape, don't have an ugly face or bad hair. I'm not Brad Pitt, but who is?

Although I think everyones entitled to their opinion here and that they've all been phrased rather intelligently, I agree with therange.

The examples he listed were far from supermodels but they could be 10's to him. I've always thought of a 10 being everything you want in a person whereas an 8 or a 9 being most of what you want in them.

Maybe the way he phrased it was a little off, but I don't think there's anything wrong with being preferential to some extent.

Shebakoby
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04 Nov 2009, 2:23 pm

it's not my standards that are too high. It's other people's standards that are too high

david_42
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04 Nov 2009, 2:23 pm

HH wrote:

If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.

Definitely not. I can't begin to count the number of times I've been rejected because a woman doesn't date bald guys. There is absolutely nothing I can do about baldness, but somehow I HAVE to accept obese as sexy or I'm evil.

Notes: Rogaine doesn't work. Eating less does.

ScratchMonkey
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04 Nov 2009, 2:46 pm

For you guys, here's a fun exercise. When evaluating a girl for "pretty", subtract the hair. How much does the hair contribute to the overall package?

I'm not a fan of complicated hair styles, and look more at facial features. I'm terrible with facial recognition, though, so I'm always trying to analyze a face to see if I can figure out how to build a "language" for them that would help me remember and describe them. No luck yet, though.

HH
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04 Nov 2009, 2:53 pm

therange wrote:

your attempt to say "look everyone, he's a 5 because he looks like a jerk" didn't succeed.

You're the one who declared your looks up for discussion and that your picture would prove everything. Why are you having a snit because someone believed you?

Quote:

I'll admit, I fell into your trap and decided you were mature enough to see my pic.

Please show me the trap. You thrust your picture into the conversation, not anyone else.

Quote:

"You either didn't look closely or didn't understand what you saw. There was an extreme amount of labor to produce the look they had

So I take it you're some natural beauty that can wear jogging pants, a t-shirt and not comb your hair and have all the guys looking at you?

This is called a false dichotomy logical fallacy.

Quote:

Or at least that's what you're trying to project where you said that the guys stare at you and tell you how hot you are.

And this is called a strawman logical fallacy. Please provide links to the quotes to which you are referring if it's not a strawman.

HH
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04 Nov 2009, 2:56 pm

david_42 wrote:

HH wrote:

If men put as much effort into their appearances as women do, there'd be as many beautiful men as beautiful women. The raw material is there.

Uh, how does that follow from what you quoted. I never suggested anyone can be a 10 just by trying. I just said men as a group have as much potential for looking good as women as a group.

I feel a little sad that some guys have a hard time believing men can be a pleasure to look at.

therange
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04 Nov 2009, 3:51 pm

HH wrote:

SINsister, I run into these schlubs all the time, and over time I've lost all sympathy for them. It's screamingly obvious when they're reacting strongly to the way I look, that kind of "zomg WANT" thing they get going, and the ones where it's so obvious invariably have a sub-par presentation of themselves and their appearances.

The sheer irrationality of it gets me wondering if they're all there upstairs. If they react that strongly just to how I look, clearly there's going to be a ready supply of other men who do as well. I'm not sure how they think they're supposed to stand out as anything but another tired example of male double standards.

HH
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04 Nov 2009, 3:58 pm

Ah, I see. Note that that quote contains neither staring nor telling anyone comments about hotness. Where does the bit about uncombed hair and jogging pants tie in? And the bit about "all the guys"?

And where were the bits where I set a trap for you, as you claim?

0_equals_true
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04 Nov 2009, 4:54 pm

I think the idea about not taking care in the appearance, is valid up to a point. However it is somewhat what a distraction from the main issue. There is nothing to say it will solve this problem en-masse, and that the extent to which men value their appearance isn't already sufficient for the task on the whole. Women are not just taking an interest in their appearance for men, but also women. Men do already compete on appearance; just that there are various different ideas on masculinity, and tastes.

What is more to the point is it is hypocritical to expect people not to have preferences, when this entirely natural. Everyone does it. There is no moral foundation from which to claim the high ground, in the case of rejection.

The lesson is if you pump out nothing but resentment then expect some backflow at some point. Eventually you will become wise enough to realise that blame is pretty meaningless in this context. Of course some people will die before this happens.

HH
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04 Nov 2009, 5:00 pm

0_equals_true wrote:

The lesson is if you pump out nothing but resentment then expect some backflow at some point. Eventually you will become wise enough to realise that blame is pretty meaningless in this context. Of course some people will die before this happens.

Well said, with bonus points for being very succinct.

CrinklyCrustacean
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04 Nov 2009, 6:16 pm

0_equals_true wrote:

Well said.

AnonymousAnonymous
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04 Nov 2009, 8:35 pm

Previously said, I'm looking for a female version of myself.

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hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2009, 9:51 pm

Generally if you cant get anyone your standards are too high.

Thing is though, whats a standard?

My standards are 80% personality. To me someone with a WICKED personality in MY opinion, is to a VERY high standard. I could not date them though unless their look does it for *me*, but they don't have to be "hot". In fact im not attracted to generic "hot".

Tim_Tex
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04 Nov 2009, 9:53 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:

Previously said, I'm looking for a female version of myself.

Ditto.

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NarcissusSavage
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05 Nov 2009, 12:32 am

Really never been sure where I fall on the scale, I got everything where it's spose to be. I'm in shape, and well groomed. Been called a 10 before, by a few sources, even modeled as a teenager. So, iono, maybe I actually am cute. I'm pretty damn smart, inventive you could say. My humor is lost on nearly everyone though, so, typically I'm seen as boring or even odd.

But, given that rough summary, I think my standards are too high.

I need a woman who is smart, cunning, witty, shares at least some tenets of philosophy or ideology with me, whom enjoys my company, and likes my son. Not sure if I can find this girl, might not exist.

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Last edited by NarcissusSavage on 07 Nov 2009, 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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