my whirlwind romance

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Hi,
I,m new here. I have been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder but i thihnk i have some aspergers/autism traits. I have a ten year old son who was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum.

now the thing is. a few months ago i met a younger man, 11 years my junior, who i instantly felt attracted to and began an affair with. we fell straight in love and its wonderful. I am sure though that he has aspergers. He did some things which i had to ask about. Like he wouldnt stay at my house over night. then he told me how he has to do things the same all the time and he loves to be at home. he feels lost when he isnt doing what he usually does. he told me it was so hard for him to even see me at all. He came away camping with me twice and he said his feelings for me outwayed his desire to stick to his routines. he told me all his life he has done everything exactly the same. he's 26. He is very blunt and seems to put little thought into anything he says. He si obsessed with facts and talks like a walking encyclopedia. I find all these things interesting. He gets along with my son very very well.

We want to get married someday but it scares me a little wondering if the two of us with all our issues can work it out. my family will be very hard on us i think. it is very difficult for him to mind his manners. im used to it but other people dont understand. he often swears and sometimes he drools. it doesnt really bother me though.

despite all these issues. my new man is very loving and attentive. he tries his best with everything. and seems to care deeply.
what do yall think. thanks for reading.
Wild

I don't really have an opinion on the other aspects, but the "whirlwind" part is worrisome -- it's one of the strongest red flags for men who will later become abusive.

just my two cents: tho the writer uses "whirlwind," to me it just sounds like they met, they've spent some time togethr, and they've gone camping twice.

i know nothing about it, obviously, other than what i'm reading here. but what i'm reading here isn't how i'd define "whirlwind." (no offence to her for using it, it's subjective. i'm just noting my impression.)

Speaking strictly of my own experience, I have found that romances that start quickly, tend to end in disaster. For instance, moving towards the physical part before properly getting to know a person, makes it all the more heart breaking if something ends up going wrong. I speak from experience. Also, there is the age gap. I really don't know what to tell you. In the first excitement, everything can seem perfect. I wish you both well!

...

Oh, sorry. What? I got lost there.

Drools?

Anyway, first thing my intuition says: give it space. A lot of space. Emotions can really reel you in only to cause disaster, and with a kid brought into the mix, that personally makes me uncomfortable. It's great if you have something with this guy, but the only way you're really going to know is if you and him take a step back and really work into it more slowly. I know, that can be a hell of a task for someone who has AD/HD, and I speak from personal experience when I say that.

I'm currently with a guy nine years my junior, and at the very start it was very whirlwind, and then a complete and utter horror of a disaster. We broke up. We got back together and things have changed since we've learned a lot in our time apart (and together). If I had to do it over again, I'd never have done that. We needed to take a step back and take it more slowly. That we're together at all now is something of a miracle, to be honest, and there are special circumstances that led us here.

There are questions you should be asking, I think. What's his relationship and life experience compared to yours? That's also something to really consider. You have a kid, for example. Does he? Can he take on that responsibility with you, even if he does get along with said child? How does this affect him in this, especially with his own ASD?

lol yes he sometimes drools. not all the time.

I have had way more experience in relationships that he has. But he shows a maturity and caring i havent seen in many men. I am usually fairly cautious and wont put up with certain behaviours. This man is one of the only men who i have found to be able to communicate and compromise. i think these are really important. My parents have been together for 45 years and i have watched them work through so much. Also his parents have been together probably longer as they are older than mine. He has a close relationship with them as do i with mine

Yes it is hard having adhd and holding back. I am very impulsive. Also it is difficult for me to find people that i feel comfortable to be myself. I have tried to date men who are NT but find the whole time i am trying to be someone else. After years and years of anxiety because i couldnt be myself and it was sooooo hard trying, and making myself depressed, it is nice to be around someone who just accepts me as is.

I dont like to rush into serious commitments and normally i wouldnt dare but this time i feel very comfortable

thanks
wild

I'm glad for you! Have you mentioned WP to him?