Checking a theory...

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... I mentioned in another thread.

Anyway, I was wondering from experience if people think the relationship a girl/woman has with her family influences much what her needs will be in a relationship, and therefore chances of getting along. Specifically, I am guessing that women who have a good relationship with their family, and who can turn to them for emotional (even if not financial or other) support are likely to feel less pressure to make a relationship serious and look for stability than those who have had to break all ties with their families.

It seems that many girls go through a huge change in their relationship goals from adolescence through to early adulthood. It's as if they reach an age, somewhere around 19 or so, where relationships and sexuality are no longer fun and games, and they don't seek excitement and get involved just for the heck of it, but seem to really want any relationship to do something for them. Whereas us guys don't change that much. I'm wondering if this mostly happens because they feel they are losing their support structure in the world.

I am wondering if this is at all what's going on.

interesting theory

Family relationships have a huge influence on what a woman is looking for in a relationship and even who she is attracted to. But it's not straightforward in the way you have described. It is different for every single person because all families are different. That's why I always scoff at the "all women like (.....)men" posts. It's so individual and will vary widely depending on the family dynamics that any particular woman grew up with. People laugh at Freud today because some of his ideas look so quaint and silly, but I think one of the things he really nailed was the whole idea that family dynamics influence adult attraction and relationship needs. I think he got some specifics wrong but the general idea is a sound one and he deserves credit for getting that.

Agree with Janissy, although I'd like to add that it applies to men as well. It just might not look that way at first glance because oftentimes men's and women's needs and circumstances are different.

In the end we are attracted to whomever or whatever we think we need in our lives.

When I was young, that was a truth for me. My family life was very bad and I spent my days looking for a "boyfriend with a family life" because I didn't really want the boyfriend, I wanted a new family. The boyfriend ended up becoming a "sibling" for me and the relationship became strained. I "overgave" to a family of strangers in an effort to buy their love. I believe that a girl that has a good, decent, strong family has a better chance of being choosey with a mate and holding tight until the right guy comes along as opposed to girls who make desparate, hurried attempts to make a guy into Mister Right because she has no emotional security in her life. (That being a decent, nurturing family).

Mmhmm, it would definitely be individualized. I could be considered to be looking for a "fun and games" relationship or a serious one as well, but I've also never had the type of family support mentioned.

Male btw.

I really cannot say this is true all of the time. This tends to be very different from woman to woman. I would not say family is a sole determinate to selectiveness though. The motivations can be rather complex. I for example don't put much weight in family, and I do not talk to them at this point in my life. That does not mean I am less selective, the truth is I am okay with being alone.

Other factors that have to come into play is how one was raised, educational background (those with a high level of education may feel less motivated to have kids or get married), career, friends, personality, emotional needs, etc. I am not going to say you are incorrect, because it is certainly one factor involved, it is just not the only thing going on.

Well...at 19 and older...It "is" time to grow up. (which means losing your support structure in the world). Before that time, it was fun and games and "learning what you want" time. After 19, it is "getting what you want" time. Did you ever hear someone say, "I don't want a commitment because I just don't know what I want." This person didn't have enough experience with others to know what kind of person, they'd like to commit to. They need to see all the alternatives either real or "imagined". A lot of young people think there is always "more". Sometimes there isn't "more". When one realizes this, they grow up and work with what they have. They learn to "appreciate". ALWAYS remember, you guys are socially allowed to be "players" and gigolos and such. If a woman does this, the consequences are disastrous. We are called "slappers" and every bad name in the book. We're not permitted to stay in the "play pen". In our case it becomes a "pig pen". We're forced out of the play pen "if we want to stay respectable". Women are not here on this Earth for men's pleasure. Once we realize this, we become quite "formiddable". The ones that don't realize this are just pretending. It's another trick to get needs met...but in an underhanded way.

I think people are individuals and aren't going to necessarily follow a given form of behavior in this matter throughout all generations and cultures. It may be that having less stability provides more desperation, but for a guy to act on this is a form of using. Perhaps using on both sides, in a form of codependency, where a girl uses a guy for stability and a guy uses a girl to feel respected and valued. Not good to hang a relationship on dependency though.

I think most of you are totally misunderstanding what I was saying. I did NOT ever say that women with less family support are LESS choosy. In fact, if anything my theory would imply that they are more choosy, though not necessarily.

Essentially what I was saying was that women who already have the support they need in life are more likely to pursue guys kind of as an experiment or just for the fun of it. Essentially, they are less needy of someone who cares for them, as they already have enough love in their lives. What they are missing is the excitement of the things that family and platonic friends don't provide, like sex, the opportunity to discover what another person is about for the first time, etc. Whereas those women who feel a "vacuum" left by disconnection from their family may be more serious and pragmatic, and only go for provider and/or nurturer types that can give them something more than a momentary thrill.

This is not gender specific and also is well established - not theoretical. The relationship with parents and in particular the same-sex parent forms the basis for much of understanding of relationship interaction for the rest of our lives.

Females mature developmentally quicker and get to developmental "milestones" before males throughout childhood and adolescence.

Having said that, regardless of feminist or post feminist belief, women will seek out security in different ways than males.

my guess it is has to do with whenever the female decides she wants to breed. She's going to be preoccupied and she needs a support structure. This is different for every woman. Men probably don't change because they aren't groomed to think that anyone but themselves will be supporting them, ever. Or that there will be a period where they will have to be supported because they are raising spawn.

I don't think that this is in any fashion limited to women. But I do think that men and women mature at different rates and at different ages.

The statement that really got to me in the OP was this: