I'm Dumb. Is she just being nice?

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Alright, as reluctant as I am to ask advice, I'm going to anyhow. After work every Friday night(11:45 p.m.), two male co-workers and I head up to a local restaurant to unwind, philosophize, etc., until closing at 2:30. We just started this routine, and on our third night last Friday, we get a waitress we've never seen before. We end up having a discussion mostly pertaining to traveling, and other "normal" discussion topics. I was instantly drawn to her, and did most of the talking. Eventually, she came over and leaned on the seat next to me(booth), and continued the conversation until we had to leave the building. The majority of the time we talked, it was between the two of us. Eye contact and all. She would rush through her job so she could hang out with us. Now on this occasion, I can see her just being nice because it's the nature of her occupation.

Now, this leads us to last night. We come in, and get a waiter we have had before. I notice I don't see her there, and am a little disappointed. About half an hour later, she comes strolling over from out of nowhere, and sits down close to me. Now mind you, I'm sitting in a very open body posture. It's a little busier this time, so she leaves after talking to us(me) for a little while. She seems very enthralled to find us there again. For a little while, she finds every chance and excuse to leave her tables/do her job, just so she can come socialize. She almost got in trouble, because a party at one of her tables gave the bartender their check because she wasn't coming around . At one point I try to engage her a little further, and ask to see her rings(at least 8 of them). She loves her Celtic heritage, and has been to Ireland, Scotland, and England. She was eager to show me, and tell me all the stories behind them. I leaned in really close to her, and made physical contact, and she didn't pull back or anything. She took them off one by one to describe them to me(us). She would always have eye contact with me, constantly smiled and laughed, and again, it was I who asked most of the questions. I also asked about her necklace and earrings, and she wasn't shy about that either. We definitely share common interests, and the conversation was always flowing real well. She even sat down next to me to eat/take a break. One of my co-workers left a little early, so it was just two of us at closing time. She was with us when her manager nudged her to let her know we had to leave, and this time she walked us out. She made a comment about being wide awake after work, and not caring that we kept her there. I said "by the way, my name is Mike," and she commented she remembered my name from last week from my credit card. I told her she never said my name, and she wittingly told me she had no reason to! I laughed, and she said she would make it a point to drop my name next time. We told each other we would meet again next Friday, and parted ways.

Okay, I can see her just being friendly the first time, but the second? She wasn't even our waitress, and hung around us the entire time we were there. I've been to restaurants many times, and have NEVER had a waitress sit next to me, and I'm usually sitting by myself in a booth since I need my space! Also, do you think she was hinting at possibly going somewhere after work to engage in more conversation? My intuition instantly took it as that, but as usual, my brain thought of every possible reason that it was nothing important. I'm so dense with attraction, that my last relationship was initiated in a very pathetic manor on my part. She invited me over to her house constantly, told me she LOVED ME, and tried to kiss me without me realizing it, and turned my head. She finally had to GRAB ME, make me CLOSE MY EYES, and slobber all over me. I don't want to make the same pathetic attempt at a relationship again, so I suppose change is in the equation. Okay, now that I have rambled on and on, does it seem wise to ask her to go to a 24 hour place to talk some more? Maybe try something else? Do nothing? Anything? Ugh, how sad....

If you go in with the rite kind of attitude you will realize that you really have nothing to loose. You may really hit it off and never regret it. If things don't go your way...well...rationalize that it is better then never giving it a shot at all.

That same thought entered my mind, actually. This is a problem that has plagued me my entire life. The numerous situations I still ruminate about that could have possibly led to something. I have learned that past issues always arise again to curtail the seemingly eternal process of specific personal shortcomings. In other words; open the door when opportunity comes knocking! Thanks for the comment. Others will be appreciated

it sounds to me like she's attracted.

No Problem! That's a very wise observation. Like the Stoic teaching...for every shortcoming there is something to be learned, benefited. Just don't make the same mistake twice!

Yes, she's interested in you; yes she was hinting that she wanted to spend more time with you when she mentioned how "wide awake" she was feeling after work. So your assignment (to be completed before next Friday), is to find a nice after hours place to suggest going to after you close up her restaurant. If she mentions being "wide awake" again, all you have to do is say, "Hey, I heard about this great place _____. Do you want to head over there?" If she doesn't mention being "wide awake," just say, "If you're feeling as wide awake as you were last Friday, I thought you might like to head over to _______ with me."

I was hoping to get a female perspective on this! I suppose thinking of a place to go would be a rather wise idea. I'm not sure I can do better than Denny's or Steak & Shake around here due to limited coices, lol. Downtown Cleveland is only a few minutes away, and I know for sure there are after hour places there somewhere(I can inquire co-workers for ideas). We both love road trips, so I guess this is an idea worth considering. Well, it's seeming more and more likely there is something there. Thanks for the advice

No problem, hon. If she wants to spend more time with you, it won't matter to her if it's Steak & Shake or not. But when she accepts your invitation (and I'm pretty certain she will), and you have a nice time together, tell her you've enjoyed getting to know her, and ask her if she'd like to get together again before next Friday. Good luck.

Well, I must have some idea of courtship since I thought of saying those exact things, lol. I'm always analyzing everything in my head like I'm living in a movie! Of course, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, being on a AS forum and all . As a matter of fact, I just remembered something from that night. While we were walking out, I was in front, my buddy behind me, and her behind him. Half-way to the door, she takes another route around a big table(walking faster than normal), and ends up next to me. That's when she made the wide awake comment. I think she was trying to get me somewhat alone from my buddy. Then again, I'm only hypothesizing this scenario because I've been constantly thinking how to take her aside and ask, so I figure she would probably do the same? I will make a point to update this Saturday. I also forgot to mention I have never approached or asked someone out before. I've always relied on being asked, lol. I know, pretty pathetic

It's not pathetic that girls have done all the asking in the past...it probably means that you've got a lot going for you. (And she might not be quite as free to ask you, since you're a customer and all.)

It's exciting though, asking a girl out for the first time....and it does seem very much like she's interested. Just remember to breathe, and you'll be fine. Let us know how it goes.

Well, better late than never I suppose, LOL. Although it's a month and a half later, I do have an update. The day I planned on persuing things, before I even had a chance to ask, she mentions a boyfriend. No big deal! At least it saved me the trouble of asking . Well, even so I still enjoyed her company, and we all had many laughs and good conversation.

This brings me to a few weeks ago. She wasn't there one Friday due to a family emergency. On the following Friday, she was ecstatic to see us, and told us about what happened. Again, she sat right up next to me and even brought a cool picture book from when she went on a trip. At one point while looking at the pictures, I misinterpreted something I was looking at, and felt stupid because of it, and she mockingly poked fun at me while rubbing my arm. Later that night, she reached across in front of me to put a menu back, and she made a comment about her being pale. I told her it just seemed that way because she was seated next to me(I'm mullato- parents are black and white for those who are unaware). She then proceeds to grab my arm, and clasp it next to hers, and says "check this out, an oreo!," then she leaves to tend to other tables with a smile. This really amused me, since my humor is similar.

Now, this leads me to uncharted territory in relation to this past Friday. She was not there last week due to a spur of the moment trip overseas by herself. We also arrived 1 hour later than usual because I'm working more overtime. I came up behind her while she was cleaning the booth we usually sit at, and made a usual dry, sarcastic comment about her thinking we weren't going to show up. Again, she was very happy to see us, and proceeded to sit next to me to tell all about her trip. I should mention that it's usually just me and one other co-worker now, since the other has been having trouble showing up. We were having a REALLY good time, and at one point, I was going to show them something that required drawing on some paper, and she grabbed some food and a drink, and sat UP AGAINST me, arm-to-arm and leg-to-leg. The entire time, she would make a sarcastic, seemingly rude comment(I don't know how to describe this-I do the same thing. Jokingly poking fun at someone without being serious? An example; I made a reference to something and mentioned I may have told her before, and she replies with "Well, I don't listen when you talk anyways," and laughs and smiles while rubbing/touching my arm and shoulder) to me, and then proceed to rub/touch me while we both smiled and laughed, and I would retort with similar gestures. It really reminded me of being giddy teenagers, mildly flirting. We ended up staying until almost 3 in the morning, well past closing time. The female bartender made a comment to her, asking if she needed help getting rid of us, even though I may kick her butt(I'm 6'4, 210lbs.). We were laughing about it, and I asked her, surprised, if I really was that scary and intimidating. She replied with, "I don't think you're scary at all...but you are goofy looking." Again, we laughed, and I said something about her being pale(again, I took this as mild flirting?). We decided to leave, and she sat down next to me and said I couldn't leave. I leaned up next to her, and was rubbing her back and leg, telling her we had to before her co-workers wouldn't let her close on a Friday again, lol. So, as she is walking us out, I ask her if she would be interested in exchanging phone numbers in case we loose touch somehow, specifically work hours changing, getting fired, etc. She laughs and tells me she will not be fired, and that she will write down the web address of her blog so I can see pictures of her trip. She proceeds to do this while I'm standing there with my co-worker, and I'm not feeling as awkward as I thought I would by basically getting my request of a phone number rejected. She does have a boyfriend after all. We have one last small conversation about the name she chose for her blog, and she says she will see us later........As soon as I turn around and open the door to set foot outside, she yells, "WAIT!!....Why don't you give me your number," and I proceed to tell her my number while she writes it down. She then says "I wont get fired," to which I reply, "you never know!" My co-worker and I walk out to our vehicles, and he looks at me strangely, mentioning how odd that was.

So what the hell is going on?! She has a boyfriend. She never talks about him. She travels alone, which is apparently because he can't get time off from his job(I asked her why myself). She has also mentioned having male friends. So why does she seem nervous about being friends with me? Am I actually confusing HER?! It almost seems as if this may be one of those complicated situations where someone is involved, and meets someone else who they are really actracted to. You know, one of those moments you aren't expecting to happen in life. I can only guess. But her calling me back to get my number, really threw me off. I have never been in this situation before. So, as usual, I'm just kind of playing this off and living in the moment. I guess if she calls me, then I will have more thinking to do, lol. I did visit her blog, and was impressed with the pictures of her trip. I left a respectable comment, and she should know it was me due to my user name. I don't want to sound conceited, but am I really being that impressionable with her?

I'm confused too. I would take it slow and wait for her to call. She is rather unusual that's for sure.

I shall not hold my breathe, but stranger things have happened. Those "things" usually being unexpected.



Brother, you're not kidding, that's for sure!

For now, allow her the opportunity to call you. I would also try to steer away discussions about her current relatioship status as the idea is to see where you two are going, and not to figure out where she's going (or not) with him.

If after a week or two she doesn't call (can happen, family emergency, inquisitive spouse, etc.) then I'd jokingly broach the subject, "hey, I gave you my number xx weeks ago, too hard to call? Never mind, give me YOUR number and I'll make time to call you."

I would say "Hey, I gave you my number X weeks ago and I never heard from you. Did you lose my number?" If she says she didn't have time to call ask her what she was doing in a polite, friendly manner. This way you might be able to get some more info about her boyfriend, if she even has one. She is either simply really, really friendly or does have an interest in you. Quite puzzling.

It never occured to me to inquire her if she doesn't call. I suppose that wouldn't be such a bad idea. Like I said before, I would be fairly shocked if she actually does. Only time will tell!