To the men: What us women face.

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Whether its a good idea or not to date them, its still the best place to meet people. That sort of thing can be dealt with if something happens later.

Its not a generalisation, people bring friends to work parties, meet peoples spouses who also have friends. As I've said to Toad of Steel, if its that important, get a job or volunteer a couple of hours a week somewhere where there are lots of women.

Good post Chronos. I agree with this sentiment in particular.

(I love IKEA though . Even as a kid, I could spend a whole day happily hunting for those little wooden pencils...)

I love Ikea!! ! I like contemporary furniture. To me, Ikea is more than just an excuse to not live in Vermont, North Dakota, Wyoming, etc. (they're rural, sparsely populated states with virtually no big-box retail)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, my situation is that I have trouble reading some of the social cues and hints that NTs sometimes give. Yet on the other hand, I think a relationship with an Aspie who is asexual, doesn't like to travel or doesn't want kids wouldn't work.

I'm curious what prompted the original post?

It was someone irritated with the "nice guys vs. jerks" threads, and the "all women..." threads.

Right, I know it was Chronos.
I'm curious of her experience that prompted that.

Hi. Pleased to meet you.


If it was that easy most of us would be happily married. Unfortunately there are other things to be considered as well.

Last edited by CrinklyCrustacean on 17 May 2010, 2:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

Sometimes I feel the same sentiment as the OP.

One pet peeve I do have with some men (not all, but some) is their frustration when approaching a woman and she turns him down. He doesn't get it. But it turns out that many times when he approaches her it's less so as a woman and moreso as a conquest. Similar to the idea of him introducing himself and staring at her breasts rather than looking her in the face.

Romantic relationships, when it gets down to it, are a lot about sex. And both men and women want sex. But I don't know many women who liked to be approached and addressed like a piece of meat rather than a person.

I've had it happen to me a number of times-- and I never used to be the type of woman who'd be approached and just roll her eyes at the offer, but now more and more I am because TIME AFTER TIME a guy approaches me with sex FIRST on his mind and me SECOND.

I'm going to give some advice to those men who persist in this approach: Be interested in the woman first, you'll get more sex for it. Don't think of her as an improved substitute for your hand...

--And I should mention that I've had this happen IRL and on IRC. Granted, IRC is in text, but there's still that same approach. "Oh, you have a vagina?!?! IM me please!! What are your stats?????"

The tricky part of all that is that at the same time, many men feel as though they must show their sexual interest in an overt manner in order for it to be reciprocated. A commonly-held perception is that if they appear interested in a friendly, non-sexual sort of manner, quite early on they will be put into the "friend zone" and there will be no escape.

I can't really say what happens next, as I'm not exactly a dating guru or anything But in case this makes you feel more confident or anything...if I, as a woman, had someone just approach me and ask me out I would think 'huh, he must think I'm really attractive.' From talking to other girl friends, it's always exciting to have a male approach you. And even better...she gave you her number :] Just from my + friends experiences, we don't give out numbers/info much so I would say it's worth calling her up and asking her on a date.

NOT for people on the asexuality spectrum. Lots of guys & girls on it have problems finding dates. I'm sort of a borderline asexual myself. If I aks a girl out; I'm afraid that she will think it means I want to have sex with her but if I ask her to do something like a friend; she thinks I'm not interested in her romantically. I'm straight edge, I cant stand kids & I have no fashion sense. I honestly like women who have more conservative looks. I'm NOT attracted to women who look great because hot women are usually more shallow & stuck-up. I think it would help if more women would would try to pursue guys instead of letting the guys come to them. I give anyone who's nice to me a chance but women are not attracted to me. I believe that Rob Paravonian was rite when he did the song; "out here in the real world the geek never gets the girl". Women typically do NOT go for guys like me unless the guys have something else going for em

How do you know the difference when someone approaches immediately? I love sex but I have never once wanted to put that before the person, maybe what I'm asking here is how do you approach a woman without giving her the idea that all you want is sex AND without giving her the impression that your trying to not talk about sex because then she will think you're being fake and what you really want is sex.

The difference is that when a man is interested in the woman, and not just in her(....), he approaches her as a unique individual. He is interested in her, not just in having sex with whichever woman happens to say yes first. There are some men who give off an attitude of "I'm horny. You'll do for tonight" which inspires the eye roll. It makes women feel interchangeable, like blowup dolls that for some annoying reason are able to talk. The man who seems interested in a woman as a unique person that he might eventually want to have sex with is much more likely to get a positive response.

Of course those PickUp Artist yoyos probably have websites devoted to how to fake this interest and give the impression that you actually are intrigued by her personality/art work/special interest/something that makes her more than just a pretty piece of meat.

It isn't the interest in sex per se. It's the generic interest that is such a turn-off. The idea that a man just wants to get laid tonight and will say whatever to whoever makes women want to slap. We are unique individuals.

Not probably

I think that it's notable that non-pick-up guys do the same thing when they are desperate for companionship(which, by inevitable extension, includes the possibility of sex as a centerpiece - else platonic friendship would be the goal).

They attempt to do what they(wrongly) think will garner the intimate attention of women by going out of their way to be available, being overly agreeable, buying things, accepting inequality, etc, for the purpose of convincing a woman to like him. In a way, it is precisely the same manipulation and dishonesty as the aforementioned 'yo-yos.' Aside from their specific tactics, the difference is that these guys aren't succeeding, and are probably not even aware that the behavior they've adopted constitutes manipulation. So, ironically, at least there's a form of honesty-of-intention among some pick-up guys, even if their specific tactics are dishonest.

Also bare in mind that there is a sub-section of pick-up guys who do not use those tactics, and instead focus on their own individual perspective and place in the world, and manipulate themselves, instead of others. Very often, these guys genuinely are interested in their companion.
.... A tangent, but I just figured I'd throw that out there.


To nitpick, actually it's the other way around. They would tend advise guys to manipulate women by feigning limited interest, on the assumption that the woman is used to some level of attention from guys. It's a tactic to make them stand out from other guys, who would tend to fawn over her. Of course, such a thing wouldn't work with women who are actually expecting others to do act disinterested in her.

I'm not trying to defend these dicks, nor to implicate women, but bare in mind that this has come to pass as a response to women. The guys' normal behavior, which might be mostly respectable and honest, isn't getting attention, and so they switch up in frustration to something that has been proven to work more-often-than-not.
It's a sad relationship we find ourselves in.