trying to understand him

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Hello. I am an NT just started dating an aspie. It's fairly recent (about a month) When we met there was an instant connection, for him it is rare, and I guess in a way for me as well, but being an NT I have no problem talking to people and making friends. However I never felt that way about a guy, when I’m with him I feel comfortable, I guess maybe because he is so authentic and sincere, which I absolutely love about him. When we’re together, communication is going so well. But when we’re apart, it’s like he’s not there anymore. I am working on myself to be able to feel ok when I have no news from him, when he doesn’t answer my texts, I am absolutely non-judgmental about the fact that it’s not his strong suit to communicate. But I would like to understand.

He says he is not used to looking at his phone when he’s at home and when I text him (only a few texts per week and trying to be very explicit) he sometimes takes days to answer. He never asks anything about me, he answers yes or no. I talked to him about this and he made an effort by getting whatsapp on his phone and one evening we texted for hours (a lot of misunderstandings but we managed to get through). And after that, nothing.
I am willing to be patient as he is not used to having someone in his life and he made the effort to welcome me in his home where he never has done for anyone before. When we’re together he is 100% focused on me and very affectionate and interested, he asks questions about me etc…
I guess the thing is when I have no news from him I feel our connection fading away until we meet again (once a week) and I think he is willing to make some efforts and maybe try and find a way we can communicate that will both satisfy us.

What I would like to know is how come he doesn’t think about checking his phone to see if I texted him and why he sometimes he doesn’t answer me?
If he doesn't text me, does it mean he doesn't think about me or simply doesn't think about communicating with me?
I sometimes feel rejected like he doesn’t care, but I think it’s probably my own insecurities.
Do you think it’s possible to create a routine or a way to communicate more effectively, or am I always going to be the one making the effort and waiting for answers?

Also the other day he was sick and he mentioned not feeling a “connection” with me, which freaked me out as I felt maybe he didn’t care for me anymore. Does anyone have any idea what this “connection” thing might mean? And was that due to his illness maybe?

Sorry about this long message, I guess I’m really trying to understand as I think we could be compatible and happy together as well as learning from each other. I already learned so much from him, like he’s very in tune with his energy and “feels” everything. That’s how he operates, which I find fantastic as I am (maybe you‘ve noticed) very much “in my head”. Since meeting him, I have tried to be more aware of my sensations and my energy.

Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

Honestly, I would say that you will be the one who is making the most "effort" in the relationship.

Do you feel an "intellectual" connection with this person?

It can be confusing for Aspies on when it is appropriate to initiate in a relationship. Especially since if they can't pick up the body language clues typically used by normal people. It is like waving signs in front of a blind man. Even blinking lights may not help.

I do feel an intellectual connection, we share several values. I Don't know that we have many interests in common. we love books, music and movies. We Don't know each other that well yet. It is true that I feel this Relationship is mostly based on this instant connection we had and the fact that we feel comfortable together.

Perhaps because he doesn't feel like he "has" to. Maybe because you are doing all the "interacting" for the both of you.

Maybe this will work: don't initiate anything for a couple of days. If you do this, maybe he will miss YOU, and write to you. Maybe he will wonder why you haven't written to him in a couple of days.

Il faut que vous compronez que il soit un homme (s'il soit autistique) qui a bien besoin du temps pour lui-même. Il me semble, certes, que il vous aime, quoique il n'en dit pas comme "connection", mais c'est seulement un chose linguistique.

A propos de comminication, peut-être Il soit necessaire lui a dire que vous voulez que il rêpondre à tous vos messages.

You must understand that he is a man, if he is autistic, who needs time for himself. It seens to me, certainly, that he likes you, even though he does not speak of it as a "connection" - this is just a linguistic thing.

Concerning communication, maybe it is necessary to tell him that you want him to respond to all your messages.

From what I've seen on this forum, some Aspies have different modes that they go into. They may be entirely focused on their partner when they're with them but be entirely focused on other things when they are away from their partner. It's like they have a hard time switching gears. Some Aspies also have a hard time figuring out what to say by texts or email, maybe partly cuz they're not in the mode to focus on it. They also sometimes may not really feel a confection or loss of their partner when they are away from them cuz the Aspie is in a mode where he/she is not focused on the partner. This is despite the fact that the Aspie may love their partner dearly when they are with em.
Not all Aspies are like this thou, for example I LOVE being close & affectionate with my partner even when we are not together & I screwed up by 1st two relationships by being too needy & clingy. My 2nd girlfriend is an Aspie & was kind of opposite of me in that way.

My husband has Asperger’s.
The first year we were together, we never spoke on the phone. We texted once or twice a week, and met most weekends.
He never invited me to his home, because he felt more comfortable visiting me.
We started out really slow. He told me later, that he really appreciated my patience. He would have left me, if I had tried to push him.
Fortunately, I was in no hurry to rush the relationship either. He needed time to adjust to having a girlfriend. He also needed plenty of alone-time. Being with me, and in love, was very intense and exhausting to him.
We’ve been together 13 years, and have two children. He is still a little reserved. Doesn’t automatically share his feelings or taughts with me.
He doesn’t know me or trust me the way you would expect, after all these years.
If you’re with a reserved aspie, you will have to learn, understand, respect and adjust a lot.
I felt my husband was a little unpredictable, difficult to communicate with, and that he wasn’t truly committed to me.
But the more I learn about autism, the more his behavior makes sense.
He is strange and mysterious, but I wouldn’t want him to change. He’s the love of my life.

I wish you both luck ❤️❤️