Am I an awful person? I'd like a seriously disabled girl...

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Aspie1
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10 Jan 2011, 10:12 pm

Your logic behind specifically seeking out a blind girl is flawed and borderline disturbing. While I'm sure you'll treat her well in the relationship, you might be entering the relationship under false pretenses. It seems like you're trying to buy "rejection insurance", and the "premium" are the difficulties that come with dating a blind person. After all, if she can't see you, she can't reject you based on looks. But like Stinkypuppy pointed out, if this relationship doesn't turn out the way you expect, then what? Will you stay the course or break up with her? And how would she feel about the break-up if she actually developed feelings for you? (even if the latter sounds far-fetched) You'd be doing to her what you don't want girls to do to you.

I can actually relate somewhat to your argument, because I did something similar when I was 18, freshman year of college. I tried to date the least attractive girl I could meet, because I didn't want anyone competing with me for her, knowing that girls always chose better-looking guys over me. Imagine my surprise, when six weeks later, I learned that she didn't like me the whole time. How? When I took her on a second date, and made sure it was romantic, she moved out of the way when I put my arm around her. With the way you're approaching things, you might find yourself in the same situation. And if so, will you still be friends with the girl or stop seeing her altogether?

Perhaps you'll be more comfortable with a more practical argument. Blind people become very good at compensating with their other senses what they lack in sight. Are you good at talking to girls? Can you make yourself sound charming based on conversation alone? Is your hygiene good? Since the girl in question can't use looks as a way of deciding if she likes a guy, she will use listening and smell. In other words, you will need to try harder to make yourself sound good what you can't show her via sight. (And if she could see, you never know, she might find you attractive enough to date you.) All in all, you're not guaranteeing yourself anything by dating a blind person, so your "rejection insurance" will not be valid.



EricS
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11 Jan 2011, 6:19 am

sillycat wrote:
How is a blind person any different than one gifted with sight, in a romantic relationship? Or one who is deaf, or mute? They're still human. and of consenting adult age.

If Henry has the heart to cherish her, to love her, to take good care of her in all the years of her life, why not. But one thing Henry must remember, this is a very special case in which his obligation to ensure her safety, financial obligation, etc must be well taken care of. And that he would never neglect her. If he feels he has the heart for this, go ahead.



renexu
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12 Jan 2011, 5:14 pm

Ray Charles, who was blinded at 6, was able to ride a bike around his home town, move from small town to small cities to big cities with minimal aid. Walk around without cane or seeing eye dog, make music, marry multiple times, cheat x number of times, father 10 kids...

I would not say a blind girl is a safe bet for you. A quadraleptic blind girl, maybe... You should take care of her. Best wishes.



Wilma
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06 Jan 2013, 7:49 pm

Don't think that because someone is disabled is dependant as well . Do you think a woman with a disability may be needy or thankful to be with you so she will never reject you ?? I dont think you are horrible , if you would date a woman with a disability ask yourself what you would do if one morning her disability ( blindness deafness paraplegia etc ) would not exist anymore ?? Whould you reject her for not being disabled??



Vintagegirl
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11 Jan 2013, 4:11 pm

Blind people can cheat too.



Chloe33
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14 Jan 2013, 9:07 am

HenryGoss wrote:
I think it would make me feel good to date a girl with a major disability such as blindness or someone who is mute. Maybe it would reassure me that I am not in a condition as bad as I think I am and it would sort of ensure that they will love me for who I am and not for looks. Another advantage is that a blind girl wouldn't cheat on me.

Am I a bad person for wanting a blind girlfriend? :cry:


You should take into the possibility that you could potentially score a girl in any type "group", doesn't have to be blind specifically.
A lot of people, even NTs worry about other people not liking them or that they feel they aren't good enough for another.
My gf never thought i'd talk to her at first due to superficial reasons. A lot of people go through this, i said to my gf how did you know that
i didn't think the same way as well? That she wouldn't go for me. Yet we went for eachother.

Sometimes i think if someone is attractive it can be intimidating to others who perceive themselves to be not as so. However i have noticed that even attractive people have the same insecuritys thinking they aren't attractive enough for others.
Yet if both people are afraid to act upon something, there's a stalemate. I have 3 diagnosis' and am sure i am a handful god forbid there
was 2 of me my gf said she couldnt handle that. Yet when i hate dated people, my disability was always excepted by those i dated. For the most part i've dated NTs.

Sometimes maybe we judge ourselves too harshly. Love, like life is a process of trial and error.
Those who are true will be accepting of you, and if they are not accepting, they are not worth the trouble.



ToadOfSteel
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14 Jan 2013, 11:11 am

Old thread is old. Hell, I posted in it, that's how old it is.



blueroses
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14 Jan 2013, 5:29 pm

Hey, ToadOfSteel is back!

Edit: I just noticed there is a whole thread announcing your return ... guess I should have read that first, lol



Tequila
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14 Jan 2013, 5:51 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Old thread is old. Hell, I posted in it, that's how old it is.


No actual comment to make, mate? ;)



ToadOfSteel
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14 Jan 2013, 6:45 pm

Tequila wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Old thread is old. Hell, I posted in it, that's how old it is.


No actual comment to make, mate? ;)


In this case, the comments I made two years ago still apply today...



DialAForAwesome
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14 Jan 2013, 10:56 pm

I kiiiinda see what he means, though. At least a blind girl wouldn't judge on how you look.


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J-Greens
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15 Jan 2013, 3:44 pm

It's not that old. Besides, that smart blond who suffered a stroke on the undateables was pretty fit.



Tequila
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15 Jan 2013, 10:30 pm

J-Greens wrote:
Besides, that smart blond who suffered a stroke on the undateables was pretty fit.


Yes, she was.



ruckus
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15 Jan 2013, 10:51 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
I kiiiinda see what he means, though. At least a blind girl wouldn't judge on how you look.

A blind girl would know if you were overweight, had bad skin, or otherwise had an obvious deformity or fault with your appearance, and she might still take issue with that (it might be unpleasant for her to touch you, or perhaps she doesn't want to be seen in public with somebody considered "ugly").

Not to mention your voice conveys an awful lot to people that are sight-impaired, and given that a monotone voice can often (though not always) be a symptom of AS that's gonna put a damper on a lot of people's chances. And she'd definitely know if you had poor hygiene!

Assuming she's not an idiot, she'd also probably realise you're only interested in her because of her disability and your own insecurities, and that's the least attractive thing of all.