What does it take to get confidence?

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I am doing a couple of endevours right now physical involving gyms, so we don't need to go into fitness.

But what does it really take to actually eel confidence, a true confidence, if you never have before? The confidence that will get me a girl.

I feel like the only way I will be confident, is if I have my own band, and become a rockstar, then girls will like me.

I really don't see much else of a way to distinguish myself from every other guy.

IMO true confidence doesn't come from your fitness, or your job (be it a rockstar or janitor). Yea, your right, if you're a rockstar, a lot of girls will like you. Superficially. And you will reciprocate that superficiality to them. Sure, you would be confident for a time, but when your band declines everyone will forget why they wanted to bang you and the confidence would evaporate.

Besides. Without true self confidence, how will you ever become a rockstar to begin with?

Hardship and getting through it. For me it took jail. But then again, I still don't have a girl, but then again at the moment I'm not specifically aiming for that goal. Do something really hard and survive and hopefully conquer. Either that, or accomplish stuff. But generally confidence comes after pain and agony. Have fun.

True self confidence only comes after being good at something and been approved of being good at it.

Read this:

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2006/09 ... ence-myth/

Competence is the key...competence.

Well, confidence in order to get the girl isn't a good idea. The point of confidence is to focus more on you and less on others. Ignore that B.S. written above. Sure, it's true that confidence is something given to you by others, much in the same way that you are only good at basketball by the standards of how you compare to your peers. But that doesn't mean you should focus on others. In fact, focusing on others is the antithesis of confidence. People that are strictly un-confident focus on what others think all the time, and guess who the one person they neglect is?

You get confidence by doing well in life, being happy, and feeling like your life means something to other people. It can also be faked. Also, sometimes delusion comes off as confidence.

It really all comes down to being extremely happy with who you are - and not letting it get to you when someone doesn't like you.

The average teenager starts with very low confidence with the opposite sex. They muddle through anyway. Their initial efforts are sustained with a kind of determination mixed with bravado. Call it whatever you like. It works for a lot of people as a bridge to get the greater confidence that comes with experience.

It's the same for delayed adults. You need the will to gain experience without having confidence. The rest will follow eventually.

heh.

I think there are two concepts here. Self esteem and confidence with women.

Self-esteem is what you'll get from being successful in general. That's important. But it won't translate directly to confidence with the opposite sex. That's a specific confidence that will only come with experience and repetition. And there are different parts to it. You can be confident with some aspects and not others.

Playing in a band is a good idea. It's social and many girls like bands. The volume you'll attract will help you to gain real confidence with the various stages.

I completely lack confidence when it comes to other people (of any gender). So I can't really help there. However, I have found that when I am comfortable with myself and my abilities and can more or less reach a point of liking myself, I tend to stop caring about my lack of confidence in regards to other people. It just becomes a moot point. Oddly enough, that specific form of apathy masquerades really well as confidence - if I just don't care whether or not any given person responds to me positively or not, then I can talk to people without really worrying. I can only do this to limited degrees, but it's still something.

Confidence:






...is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as..

A morning suit can be avoided if you take a route straight through what is known as..
John's got brewers droop he gets intimidated by the dirty pigeons they love a bit of it
Who's that gut lord marching... you should cut down on your porklife mate... get some exercise

Fake confidence can become real confidence if utilized for long enough.