Do Opposites (personality) Attract and Work Long Term?

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I have always wondered if opposites (in terms of personality style) attract and have long term relationship longevity potential.

With the caveat that both parties have similar relationship goals, attitudes (religion, politics, ethics, finances, attitudes about sex, etc), do you think that people with different personality types attract and have potential for a mutually beneficial long term relationship?

Any takers?

Depends on the individuals and what exactly is opposite. Obviously if one person enjoys going out and hanging out with friends and the other doesn't want to that would be a conflict of interest. But as we all get older it seems a few manage to compromise and work out their differences. My sister just got married to her boyfriend of 10 years and this seems to described them (except the finances, he is horrible). But he is working on getting on the same page with her in terms of finances. They might be considered opposites but not far apart that they can not compromise. He likes attention and she doesn't so it works for them because it puts less effort on her to entertain. But then again the chances of all those similar goals and attitude while being opposite in personality type seems to be unlikely. I do not particularly like the saver/savee relationship seeing that two of my friends were in those relationships (one cheated on her bf after 5 years and the other gave him a ultimatum to get his act together (6 years)). Regardless there needs to be compassion, communication, understanding, compromise, etc. on both ends in any long term relationship. I wouldn't suggest a very responsible and independent person with a person dependent on people (been there, done that and wanted to strangle that person afterwards).

Depends if there is a spiritual connection or not. Just like with non opposites.

I think they can work - it's nice to keep your own interests so you don't get bored of the other person.
If you like everything the same and do everything together you might get sick of each other.

And I think with personality differences definitely; i always find i'm attracted to the opposite of what I am. Try and find men with what i'm lacking.

They can attract, but they don't tend to work long term in my experience.

That said, my parents are pretty opposite compared to each other and they get along fine most of the time.

As with all questions like this, it depends on the couple involved really.

Opposites works if they are complementary, and if the combination of the opposites is stable

rich, greedy - poor,generous
works, because the poor will be able to convince the rich with his experience of frugality that a little money efficiently given can have a major effect

rich, generous - poor, greedy
don't work because throwing a lot of money to charities will create an issue for the poor greedy one

Oppose; No

Complement; Yes

Here's my proof. My parents: currently married for 32 years, father is a computer engineer with a penchant for NASCAR. Mother is an arts/crafts kind of person who gets agitated with technology. Both are conservative individuals (as far a lifestyle/living goes, bit old fashioned). Both have similar views on religion, money usage, and child raising . . . but they do have their arguments (note: no relationship, no matter how hard you try will have these to varying degrees. Can't avoid it). He's a Virgo/Rooster, she's a Cancer/Dog (for those who understand birth signs/zodiac personas). They are about as opposite as you can get, but their core beliefs are what keeps them together. From what I find, you want someone to be similar enough to share interests, but opposite enough to grant a different view of things.

Isn't attraction more chemicalXgenetic than really our interests? I always though it was the body that knows it's attracted to another before our minds even catch up.

They attract but in my experience they don't work long term. Especially if they share opposite views on important things.

Like PlatedDrake, my parents are opposite, and it works very well for them.

(Astrologically they are... Goat and Oxen, and uh.. Gemini and Pices (first dad, second mom), not that I know what any of that means, but remember seeing numerous times to avoid the other xD)

My dad is extremely organized, precise, VERY goal oriented, very neat, very motivated and a hard worker. You go into his office and there isn't a single decoration there, everything is in its place, and everything functions perfectly. He applies this to everyone else "hey dad, my phone broke..." "Ok, I have insurance on it, what is your address? Ok a new one will be there in a few days, when it gets in send out the old one." "Hey, thanks, I got the new one and sent out the old one." "Did you get insurance?" "No..." "Did you get a tracking invoice?" "No..." "Always get insurance and a tracking invoice! Why didn't you?!" "I didn't know..."

Everything. Need to paint something? There is a proper way of doing it, and doing it outside that way isn't right, and you will be reprimanded... we jokingly call him "Mr. Procedure" in our house, because he literally has a procedure for everything, and doesn't really accept alternatives.

Politically he's conservative, and he's roman catholic (but doesn't go to church much, just believes it/raised for it). He is very fiscally conservative, and refuses to tell you anything about his finances. (My mom once asked him how much he made... he was like "why do you want to know? want a divorce?"), whenever he gets anything its because he needs it, and will invest in something very good, but long lasting so that he doesn't have to replace it for a long time.


On the contrary, my mom is an artist, and doesn't work. She stayed home to raise us, and now that we're out of the house, she just keeps the house "clean" and does art. (Didn't mention above, my dad owns his own electrical business. Both of which require very precise mindsets.) When we left the house, she discovered that it didn't get remotely easier to clean... the mess was created by her every single day. She will go yardsaling and buy things after things after things and horde it and never use it or need it. She's extremely colorful and spazztastic, forgets things all the time, and all voer the place. People think she's a hippie based on how she looks and dresses. Finally over the last 20 years, she has won the battle over my dad in decorating the house, and I watched it transform from plain white walls and her asking him to put a picture up, to having half the rooms painted by my mom... (and when I say painted... not one solid color, our FORMAL DINING ROOM is bright orange, with blue wave/swirls at the top and mirrors on it, and then a big dandelion in bloom, a dandelion puff, blue cornflowers, and some queen annes lace drawn across it, more round mirrors and other stuff.... the guest bedroom is supposed to be water lotuses and stuff but looks like aliens >.>!) her art in every single corner, curtains all over the place, pillows galore, quilts here and there, there isn't a square foot of normal wall space anymore... even some of the ceilings have been Momified...

Politically she is also conservative but in a different fashion than dad, religiously she believes in the values the bible teaches but believes more in animalistic spirits like indians, and doesn't believe any of the stuff about bible because how it puts down women. She doesn't make pretty much any money, and is always borrowing money from my brother and I, or my dad, and getting in trouble for it... and taking care of the house, she still needs help so sometimes hires a cleaning lady to help because shes not fully capable of getting it up to the standard (she believes) my dad wants... xD


But they've been together for 29 years now, and love each other still. There are occassional fights, which is BOUND to happen when so clearly opposite, and doesn't help that my mom is extremely sensitive and my dad loves messing with her. (He actually said when he met her, he realized she was someone he could mess with for years and she'd never learn... he does the same tricks over and over again, and she always falls for it and gets all upset/offended... its really rather hilarious). They understand each other, and my mom generally knows the limits, and doesn't go too ridiculous... for the longest time she didn't push the limits... she'd ask to put up things and stuff, but one day she realized, whats dad gonna do? so started doing her own thing, and he's fine with it (for the most part... or ignores it completely XD).

I remember when I was 8, there were some rats I wanted... but we weren't allowed any more pets, so... "Don't tell your father" and we got it, and hid them in my room >.>;;...



So yes, it is definitely possible, there just needs to be respect, understanding, and communication... knowing the limits each way... my mom doesn't enter my dads shop and infiltrate it... she added a plant, and a desk orniment and thats it, he wants it the way it is, and it stays that way, but the home is my mom's territory, so she can decorate it as she pleases... and she only buys "small" items. No big things on a whim, no ovens/refridgerators/treadmills or anything, anything thats pricey, my dad takes care of, but clothing and stuff my mom is allowed to get, etc... it works for them, and is admirable in this day and age when so many people seem to assume that if a relationship doesn't work, just divorce and try with someone else rather than trying to make it work (I know I know, there are cases where it is the best option, but seems the public is seeming to accept that there is an out clause, and thats saddening to me.)

My parents are almost exactly opposite, and they're still married after 20+ years. I don't know how happy they are (I would say probably not very), but it's always worked very well for them. My father is the engineer/business man who is able to provide for the family, and my mother is the social one who keeps the house running well. I always thought my paternal grandparents (who were married for 48 years and very much in love) were the same way, but I found out that when they were younger, they were quite similar. It was only as they aged that they became so different, and even then, they made it work. I never met my maternal grandparents to know their personalities.

As for my partner and I, I'd say we're pretty similar. There some differences, of course, but that's natural; we're not the exact same person. We are by no means opposites, and we've worked out well (it's been over three years now).

Alternately, almost all (the exceptions were always a person in a group) of my friends have been loud, bouncy, and wild (so complete opposites). I can't tell you why we became friends or remained friends. It was about two years each time before we would move on.

I would say that "opposites attract" is mostly untrue, though more accurately, people with complementary personalities (they enhance and make up for eachother in areas where they are lacking) do work out. It's very rare that I see a relationship where both parties are truly opposites -- usually it's more of the complementary thing.

Example -- I'm kind of a hybrid jock/nerd, and my women have all been some variation of that.

I think that people sometimes stereotype other people by looks, so if they see a nerdy guy with a pretty girl, they figure she's the party animal and he's the opposite, when in fact a lot of pretty girls are actually secretly nerdy but feel pressured by peers or society to act a certain way. Once they get free of high school and/or college, they are able to settle down and go for what they want, especially if they have been burned already by alpha males and party guys.