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iluvgod
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26 Nov 2011, 10:34 am

I'm having lots of trouble meeting girls and I don't know how I can go about meeting them. What would be an some asperger appropriate ways to go about meeting people? I know the whole bar and club scene may not be the best way to go about for people with aspergers because there are many unwritten social rules to pick up on and the inability to read certain social situations. So, what would be some good ways to go about meeting people so that I can improve my chances of meeting someone nice?



Mindslave
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26 Nov 2011, 10:55 am

The point of going out is to have fun, not 'to meet people'. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but if you aren't having fun, you probably aren't going to meet anyone. So go somewhere you would go anyway.



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26 Nov 2011, 11:13 am

^That's all well and good for people who DO go places anyway-
what about other people?

(I'm taken- just playing devil's advocate. I never go anywhere but school and back home again- I wouldn't know where else.)


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26 Nov 2011, 2:56 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
^That's all well and good for people who DO go places anyway-
what about other people?

(I'm taken- just playing devil's advocate. I never go anywhere but school and back home again- I wouldn't know where else.)


If you don't go anywhere how would you meet people?

Anyway, I agree with everything Mindslave said. Girls are everywhere, so theres always a chance of meeting someone whereverver you go. Go to someplace where you know you will have fun. People will get a better impression of someone who looks like they want to be there.

As for the part about not understanding social cues, just don't think about it as you'll only create mental barriers for yourself which will make you more anxious. If you think someone is interested just trust your instincts and go with it. The only way to improve these skills is with practice so meeting people is all you can do really. :)



ToadOfSteel
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26 Nov 2011, 7:31 pm

Mindslave wrote:
The point of going out is to have fun, not 'to meet people'. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but if you aren't having fun, you probably aren't going to meet anyone. So go somewhere you would go anyway.


That's assuming that a girl would "just happen" into your life...



Grisha
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26 Nov 2011, 7:34 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Mindslave wrote:
The point of going out is to have fun, not 'to meet people'. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but if you aren't having fun, you probably aren't going to meet anyone. So go somewhere you would go anyway.


That's assuming that a girl would "just happen" into your life...


Believe it or not, I think that's how it usually happens...



ToadOfSteel
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26 Nov 2011, 7:37 pm

Grisha wrote:
Believe it or not, I think that's how it usually happens...


I guess i'm royally screwed then, huh?



Grisha
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26 Nov 2011, 7:39 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Believe it or not, I think that's how it usually happens...


I guess i'm royally screwed then, huh?


No, it could happen tomorrow - the question is are you ready when it does?



ToadOfSteel
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26 Nov 2011, 7:43 pm

Grisha wrote:
No, it could happen tomorrow - the question is are you ready when it does?

Maybe it happens for people like you, that actually are fairly attractive to the ladies, but it doesn't happen for people like me.

Don't get the wrong impression, I would love to be proven 100% wrong on this. I would be the happiest man alive if a woman actually noticed me. But, my experiences in life tell me that's pretty much not going to happen, no matter how hard (or not) i try...



Grisha
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26 Nov 2011, 7:51 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Grisha wrote:
No, it could happen tomorrow - the question is are you ready when it does?

Maybe it happens for people like you, that actually are fairly attractive to the ladies, but it doesn't happen for people like me.

Don't get the wrong impression, I would love to be proven 100% wrong on this. I would be the happiest man alive if a woman actually noticed me. But, my experiences in life tell me that's pretty much not going to happen, no matter how hard (or not) i try...


Conventional "attractiveness" doesn't get you very far, especially for guys.

You've been told this a thousand times, but what really holds you back is your attitude: you don't have to be "cocky", just failing to be down on yourself long enough to notice other people and be interested in getting to know them would work wonders for you...



deconstruction
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26 Nov 2011, 8:04 pm

I'm not quite sure if being conventionally attractive is enough for a guy, especially since by "conventionally attractive", people often assume certain character traits and not just physical appearance (such as being assertive, confident, or whatever there is).

Personally, I've always noticed guys that I found attractive. But I never cared about other people's opinion. I didn't need others to tell me if I should see that guy as hot or not. I don't find many conventionally hot men attractive.