Misery Loves Company.

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09 Jan 2012, 12:25 am

So maybe that is my answer, I need to find someone just as miserable and crazy as I am.......Then we can be together in our misery and insanity. So yeah I guess that is what I am into.

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Vigilans
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09 Jan 2012, 12:26 am

That sounds like it will be a... miserable... relationship

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Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 12:29 am

Vigilans wrote:

That sounds like it will be a... miserable... relationship

But it could be delightfully miserable.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Jan 2012, 12:31 am

I wouldn't recommend that. Relationships like that have a tendency to go very badly.

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09 Jan 2012, 12:31 am

Well, there is that rule about double negatives

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09 Jan 2012, 12:33 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't recommend that. Relationships like that have a tendency to go very badly.

Well define badly....I do have some standards, so I'm not just going to get with the first dude I find that has problems like me.

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Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 12:34 am

Vigilans wrote:

Well, there is that rule about double negatives

That there is.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Jan 2012, 12:39 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't recommend that. Relationships like that have a tendency to go very badly.

Well define badly....I do have some standards, so I'm not just going to get with the first dude I find that has problems like me.

Everyone has their own baggage, but when two miserable people get together they often end up just dragging each other down and resentment can build up as there's no room for one of them to get better.

Relationships like this can be toxic and often times don't last very long.

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Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 12:45 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't recommend that. Relationships like that have a tendency to go very badly.

Well define badly....I do have some standards, so I'm not just going to get with the first dude I find that has problems like me.

Well you do make a good point......however my plan would be to be up front, also I am really only into guys that have simular intrests. So they would have to enjoy music, concerts, possibly touring breweries ect. I just tend to feel lonely around people who don't really relate to the things I've gone through and stuff so I can't imagine I could last in a relationship with someone who has everything going for them.

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Fragmented
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09 Jan 2012, 12:46 am

But two wrongs make a right.

No, but seriously, misery does love company, but only if miserable 1 is willing to put up with the misery of miserable 2. If you're both depressed it'll be difficult for you to comfort each other, or at least it seems like it would be. Though really, any relationship with another Aspie is prolly going to be a misery loves company situation from time to time. I think your goal shouldn't be seeking out depressed dudes, but finding someone who understands. He might be going through it himself, but he might not, he might have dealt with it before.

Either way, I wish you luck in your endeavor Sweetleaf, you seem like a nice person, so I hope you find your happiness.

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09 Jan 2012, 12:51 am

Fragmented wrote:

Yes that is a possible thats kind of how things went with the last guy I dated, I had no clue how to effectively comfort him and he was effected differently still at the stage of not wanting to accept that he might have to live with how he feels. He was also 20 and I'm 22 so that might have been a factor as well. But yeah so I would be looking to find someone who has kind of accepted their problems and is willing to make the best of things. I mean to me comfort is just having someone there for me, and if I found a guy who also felt that way I would be set because I really don't know what to say to comfort people.

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Tequila
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09 Jan 2012, 12:52 am

Fragmented wrote:

He might be going through it himself, but he might not, he might have dealt with it before.

Just because someone has been depressed in the past doesn't mean they will want to prop up someone they don't have a very deep bond with forever or will even be sympathetic. Indeed, they might be harmful to you.

If you specifically look for someone who is depressed like you, your relationship will be doomed to failure and you'll make yourself feel worse too as that person will probably end up reinforcing your very low opinion of your situation.

If you still insist on doing it, perhaps try the depression boards? That said, I can't read them for long without wanting to slit my own wrists.

You really shouldn't be thinking about boyfriends until your mental state improves and you feel brighter. Again, people are, in general, attracted to people who are, if not bright and breezy, not continually depressed.

In other words, you need to feel 'complete' and a contented, happy person in yourself before you try to meet men for the purposes of striking up relationships - as much for your own sense of well-being and mental strength (and also so you can kick as*holes to the kerb if need be).

Last edited by Tequila on 09 Jan 2012, 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 12:57 am

Tequila wrote:

Fragmented wrote:

He might be going through it himself, but he might not, he might have dealt with it before.

Just because someone has been depressed in the past doesn't mean they will want to prop up someone they don't have a very deep bond with forever or will even be sympathetic. Indeed, they might be harmful to you.

If you specifically look for someone who is depressed like you, your relationship will be doomed to failure and you'll make yourself feel worse too. It would be another manifestation of your mental state.

If you still insist on doing it, perhaps try the depression boards? That said, I can't read them for long without wanting to slit my own wrists.

You really shouldn't be thinking about boyfriends until your mental state improves and you feel brighter. Again, people are, in general, attracted to people who are, if not bright and breezy, not continually depressed.

Come on now I am trying to make the best of my situation, and you're just being negative......and I looked at the depression boards it looked a bit to regulated for me. So I would not really be comfortable talking about this there. Also, i've never felt bright and I want a guy who knows how that feels. I am not looking for someone in general........I am looking for something specific.

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Fragmented
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09 Jan 2012, 1:01 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

It's hard to comfort people, it's hard to know what they want or expect from you. I think your presence should be enough to comfort someone. If you're there, they know you like/love them, and that can be enough. The nicest thing a friend has ever done was give me my space after a meltdown, and give me a hug after I was done. Not a single word was said, their actions were enough. Yeah, age is usually a factor. You could be looking for someone who's accepted their problems, you could be looking for someone with no problems, really you shouldn't be looking for any specific thing, you should be looking for someone who makes you HAPPY. That's what matters, not their mental state. How they comfort you is part of whether they make you happy or not. Someone on the spectrum might be more knowledgeable about how to deal with these kinds of things, or he might be worse. It's just a tough situation no matter what.

Tequila: What? Why would someone who's dealt with depression and come to terms with it be harmful for someone who's still dealing with depression? That seems like the best thing. They've been there, they know how you're feeling, they know what to say, or what not to say. Though I suppose it depends on the person. They might not want to prop someone up, but if they actually like her, they'd be willing to work with her and help. If not, then they aren't worth the time.

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Aspie Score: 170 of 200
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Last edited by Fragmented on 09 Jan 2012, 1:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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09 Jan 2012, 1:01 am

I understand this, Sweetleaf, I really do and if I was in your situation I would probably feel the same way. But it won't help you get better.

Surely there are dating sites on depression boards? Have you thought of asking there? (This line of thinking is against my better judgment, but you never know. There will probably be lots of people on there with hardline left-wing politics with a love of soft drugs. )

Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2012, 1:04 am

Fragmented wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

It's hard to comfort people, it's hard to know what they want or expect from you. I think your presence should be enough to comfort someone. If you're there, they know you like/love them, and that can be enough. The nicest thing a friend has ever done was give me my space after a meltdown, and give me a hug after I was done. Not a single word was said, their actions were enough. Yeah, age is usually a factor. You could be looking for someone who's accepted their problems, you could be looking for someone with no problems, really you shouldn't be looking for any specific thing, you should be looking for someone who makes you HAPPY. That's what matters, not their mental state. How they comfort you is part of whether they make you happy or not.

Tequila: What? Why would someone who's dealt with depression and come to terms with it be harmful for someone who's still dealing with depression? That seems like the best thing. They've been there, they know how you're feeling, they know what to say, or what not to say. Though I suppose it depends on the person. They might not want to prop someone up, but if they actually like her, they'd be willing to work with her and help. If not, then they aren't worth the time.

I guess I just am not looking to be happy that word just sounds kinda fake to me......sorry to be difficult about something so simple, I am looking for someone I am content with and wont give up on me or the relationship when things get bad just like I would do for them. I mean I would still be with that last guy I was dating if he had not intentionally pushed me away I mean I can't put all the effort in. He did not exactly have that 'at least we still have each other' attitude.

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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 09 Jan 2012, 1:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

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