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Misery Loves Company.

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Fragmented
Snowy Owl
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09 Jan 2012, 1:29 am

Sweetleaf: No one is looking for someone with high self-esteem. That's simply not on a mental checklist. Feeling content with yourself as a person, yes, high self-esteem, no.

Also..... Dude.... You're 22...... A: You have 58 years to become 80. B: You're not old enough to say you can't keep trying. C: It's a process, not an immediate fix. D: I know, you've probably heard this a million times, I have too, it's true, it frikkin' sucks. Coping is fine, but you should be coping with a positive attitude rather than a negative one. Again: I know, it's hard to believe, but positivity actually does help. You can still be cynical or depressed, lord knows I am, but I try to be positive and things have been improving, to the point that I can bandy about words like happiness and not feel like a complete hypocrite.

Tequila: Yes, a return of independent currency, so if one country fails it doesn't drag everyone else down with it. Eeeeeeh, pound sterling, send me some! :D


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Tequila
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09 Jan 2012, 1:30 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well if me and this hypothetical boyfriend/husband are both in the sh*tter so to speak, what self-preservation?


One party may decide that continuing to be with this person is actually leading them to feel dangerously low and they must get away from said person.

If the other person is making them suicidal, for instance, it might be best to leave. That said, depressed people are very much in their own worlds anyway and I can't think that having their main social contact with the world be a negative person will do them any good.



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Snowy Owl
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09 Jan 2012, 1:30 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Fragmented wrote:
Rough times are where you should be at your most supportive.


True, and a good boyfriend/husband should be as loving, caring and supportive as he possibly can. That said, if the person never seems to change (and doesn't really respond to love and care) or refuses help the other party may decide to cut their losses for their own self-preservation.


Well if me and this hypothetical boyfriend/husband are both in the sh*tter so to speak, what self-preservation?


The self-preservation of not wanting their own problems to get worse as a result of constant negativity. Some friends who've ditched me have used that as a reason.


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Tequila
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09 Jan 2012, 1:33 am

Fragmented wrote:
Sweetleaf: No one is looking for someone with high self-esteem. That's simply not on a mental checklist. Feeling content with yourself as a person, yes, high self-esteem, no.


Yup. And people with relentlessly high self-esteem can often be extremely irritating to be around. :)

Fragmented wrote:
Coping is fine, but you should be coping with a positive attitude rather than a negative one. Again: I know, it's hard to believe, but positivity actually does help. You can still be cynical or depressed, lord knows I am, but I try to be positive and things have been improving, to the point that I can bandy about words like happiness and not feel like a complete hypocrite.


Trufax!

Fragmented wrote:
Tequila: Yes, a return of independent currency, so if one country fails it doesn't drag everyone else down with it. Eeeeeeh, pound sterling, send me some! :D


Are you from Yorkshire? Want me to chuck in a flat cap as well? ;)

You might like this old Hale and Pace sketch:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4JNdseNOkE[/youtube]



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09 Jan 2012, 1:35 am

Fragmented wrote:
Sweetleaf: No one is looking for someone with high self-esteem. That's simply not on a mental checklist. Feeling content with yourself as a person, yes, high self-esteem, no.

Also..... Dude.... You're 22...... A: You have 58 years to become 80. B: You're not old enough to say you can't keep trying. C: It's a process, not an immediate fix. D: I know, you've probably heard this a million times, I have too, it's true, it frikkin' sucks. Coping is fine, but you should be coping with a positive attitude rather than a negative one. Again: I know, it's hard to believe, but positivity actually does help. You can still be cynical or depressed, lord knows I am, but I try to be positive and things have been improving, to the point that I can bandy about words like happiness and not feel like a complete hypocrite.

Tequila: Yes, a return of independent currency, so if one country fails it doesn't drag everyone else down with it. Eeeeeeh, pound sterling, send me some! :D


Yeah I'm 22 I would like to try and get out there while I'm still young......I mean I already wasted my whole childhood trying to fit everyones expectations, avoiding people and trying to work on things as I always put it when I induldged in futile attempts to suppress my symptoms which at the time I figured where my fault for somehow being a bad unworthy person.

But what I was kind of getting at is making the best of a not so great situation, optimistic depression you could say.......I mean things might suck but that does not mean I can't enjoy my favorite music for instance.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:35 am

Fragmented wrote:
The self-preservation of not wanting their own problems to get worse as a result of constant negativity.


This is correct, especially if the other partner is being verbally abusive as well in order to "make themselves feel better".



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09 Jan 2012, 1:37 am

Tequila wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Well if me and this hypothetical boyfriend/husband are both in the sh*tter so to speak, what self-preservation?


One party may decide that continuing to be with this person is actually leading them to feel dangerously low and they must get away from said person.

If the other person is making them suicidal, for instance, it might be best to leave. That said, depressed people are very much in their own worlds anyway and I can't think that having their main social contact with the world be a negative person will do them any good.


I see your point, however the idea is not that we would be negative towards each other....if one of us started being negative towards the other then that would mean its time to reconsider the relationship.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:42 am

Tequila wrote:
Fragmented wrote:
The self-preservation of not wanting their own problems to get worse as a result of constant negativity.


This is correct, especially if the other partner is being verbally abusive as well in order to "make themselves feel better".



Ok I think you guys are getting the wrong idea here.....having come from a not so awesome family situation I certainly am not cool with verbal abuse. I mean I garantee had my parents instead of fighting just sat down and talked maybe over a beer or two then things could have worked out......but of course she was more into screaming at my dad for having a beer then having a beer with him. Then it turns out I find evidence that shes drinking but trying to hide it.

See what I am talking about is two people making the best out of their situation....and considering the guys I attract usually do have issues of their own chances are our situation would not be the best.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:42 am

Tequila: Indeed they can be, same with overconfindence. No, I'm actually from the other side of the pond, I just love British currency. :D But that skit was... Interesting and funny. You Brits have a strange yet amusing sense of humor. XD Beer with too much head... For shame.

Sweetleaf: You're not thinking of negativity in the "correct" light. I'm meaning negativity not necessarily in an abusive standpoint, though that too, but just negative vibes. Depressed people give off a sad vibe that affects others if they're sensitive to that sort of thing. Just being depressed can be enough to make someone else feel negatively.

Young is a state of a mind. My childhood was also wasted, but getting out and doing stuff while you're young doesn't necessarily imply dating anybody. Can't you get and out and do something with your special interest or something? Do you NEED a bf? I know I often think that a gf/bf would be the best thing, and maybe it would, but then I wouldn't be able to indulge in my favorite stuff. So my selfishness begets my current apathy towards getting involved with anyone at this moment in time. I'd still like to find someone, but I'm not devoting my time to that as much.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:42 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I see your point, however the idea is not that we would be negative towards each other....if one of us started being negative towards the other then that would mean its time to reconsider the relationship.


Thing is, by that point you might well be in an unhealthy state of co-dependency.

The same point can be made even if direct verbal abuse towards each other isn't the issue - i.e. being around relentlessly negative people who go on and on about their own problems (and aren't interested in yours) is also a bad thing too.

I definitely advise against dating when you're like you are, though, if only because some guys can smell victims (prey) miles away.



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09 Jan 2012, 1:44 am

Tequila: We keep saying the same things but differently phrased. XD Great minds and all that.

Sweetleaf: Don't even get me started on parents and fighting. They might be making the best of it, but is that the kind of relationship you want? That's a relationship between two depressed people in action. Do you want that?


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09 Jan 2012, 1:46 am

Fragmented wrote:
But that skit was... Interesting and funny. You Brits have a strange yet amusing sense of humor. XD Beer with too much head... For shame.


You need to understand a lot of the stereotypes of Yorkshire people - rural, uncompromising, no-nonsense, blunt, "say what I bloody well like and like what I bloody well say", miserly, reluctant to spend money, fond of whippets, pigeons, fish 'n' chips and having ten pints and beating up t'wife. All very, er, manly, really.

Near-physical fights have broken out at Campaign for Real Ale meetings over the use - or otherwise - of sparklers. (Sparklers are a nozzle put on a beer pump that aerates the beer, giving a thicker head.) - Sparklers are a big thing t'up north but aren't dahn sahf.



Last edited by Tequila on 09 Jan 2012, 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

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09 Jan 2012, 1:49 am

Meet George Whitebread - Yorkshireman - plain speaking:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jY4tD2Hbg_A[/youtube]



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09 Jan 2012, 1:53 am

Fragmented wrote:
Tequila: Indeed they can be, same with overconfindence. No, I'm actually from the other side of the pond, I just love British currency. :D But that skit was... Interesting and funny. You Brits have a strange yet amusing sense of humor. XD Beer with too much head... For shame.

Sweetleaf: You're not thinking of negativity in the "correct" light. I'm meaning negativity not necessarily in an abusive standpoint, though that too, but just negative vibes. Depressed people give off a sad vibe that affects others if they're sensitive to that sort of thing. Just being depressed can be enough to make someone else feel negatively.

Young is a state of a mind. My childhood was also wasted, but getting out and doing stuff while you're young doesn't necessarily imply dating anybody. Can't you get and out and do something with your special interest or something? Do you NEED a bf? I know I often think that a gf/bf would be the best thing, and maybe it would, but then I wouldn't be able to indulge in my favorite stuff. So my selfishness begets my current apathy towards getting involved with anyone at this moment in time. I'd still like to find someone, but I'm not devoting my time to that as much.


Yes you are right about the vibes, but its intresting as depressed as I am if I am around people I trust I am not exactly that horrid to be around. I don't know some of the best times I've had involved talking to people who understand some of what I'm going through...sure it might be a negative conversation but it can feel good just having someone who understands.

Also, I am not sure what I could really go out and do with my special intrests other then attend concerts as I am very into music. But I don't really like going to concerts alone because I seem to have bad luck finding anyone to talk to or interact with.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:56 am

Pshhhh, you people are wonderfully crazy. At least they're straight talking. Even if it's about how they'll bloody your nose over an ill-phrased joke about their beaten up wife and head. XD Love it Tequila, love it.

But back to the issue at hand, negativity. It's a killer.


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09 Jan 2012, 1:57 am

Tequila wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I see your point, however the idea is not that we would be negative towards each other....if one of us started being negative towards the other then that would mean its time to reconsider the relationship.


Thing is, by that point you might well be in an unhealthy state of co-dependency.

The same point can be made even if direct verbal abuse towards each other isn't the issue - i.e. being around relentlessly negative people who go on and on about their own problems (and aren't interested in yours) is also a bad thing too.

I definitely advise against dating when you're like you are, though, if only because some guys can smell victims (prey) miles away.


Well I can't not be like I am......and likewise I can usually smell enemies miles away. My main mistake has been ignoring the bad feeling I get around them for the sake of friends who for whatever reason where associating with that person. So the solution to that is don't ignore it, if I get that nasty vibe I should be very cautious and certainly not let them near my emotions.


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