Maybe I'm not mature enough to have any relationships

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

The_Postmaster
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 209

29 Feb 2012, 7:31 pm

I was just going through my mom's email (I was checking something for her- no need to call the authorities) and I stumbled upon a message from the therapist I see. The therapist said that, and these are her words, emotionally I am like a nine year old. I'm actually sixteen. In a rare moment of clear perspective taking, I thought, "would I want to date someone who's nine?" Of course not. If I were to date someone my own age, wouldn't our interactions be more like brother-sister stuff, since emotionally I'm so much younger? I think it would be extraordinarily awkward. Even more so than my social interactions usually are.
Perhaps I should wait until emotionally I am a teenager? But by then, physically I will be in my twenties. Ugh.
This thread was partially meant as a question and partially just to vent. Sorry about that.



CrazyStarlightRedux
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,028
Location: Manchester, UK.

29 Feb 2012, 7:36 pm

Boys are naturally younger minded then girls, so I wouldn't worry about it.



The_Postmaster
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 209

29 Feb 2012, 8:15 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
Boys are naturally younger minded then girls, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I understand that, but I would imagine most boys are only maybe one or two years younger minded than girls (emotionally, not intellectually). I'm seven years younger minded. Imagine a sixteen year old girl in a relationship with a nine year old. Now imagine the nine year old has AS. Not a pretty picture. In fact, that would the pinnacle of social awkwardness.



tsukaima
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 35

29 Feb 2012, 8:52 pm

The_Postmaster wrote:
I was just going through my mom's email (I was checking something for her- no need to call the authorities) and I stumbled upon a message from the therapist I see. The therapist said that, and these are her words, emotionally I am like a nine year old. I'm actually sixteen. In a rare moment of clear perspective taking, I thought, "would I want to date someone who's nine?" Of course not. If I were to date someone my own age, wouldn't our interactions be more like brother-sister stuff, since emotionally I'm so much younger? I think it would be extraordinarily awkward. Even more so than my social interactions usually are.
Perhaps I should wait until emotionally I am a teenager? But by then, physically I will be in my twenties. Ugh.
This thread was partially meant as a question and partially just to vent. Sorry about that.


This may sound strange... but time will help with this issue. When I was a teenager, there was no way I could even think about getting into a relationship. If a girl so much as touched me by mistake, I would freeze up. I remember one time a girl touched my upper leg on purpose. I could feel the spot she touched for the next two days as if her hand was still there. There was no way I could have handled a relationship even if forced into one.

Years later, at the 10 year re-union, I listened to the people I'd gone to high school with talk about the things they did while in high school, and I was shocked. I literally HAD NO CLUE what was going on in their lives at the time. I thought I did, but I was more separated from their lives than I could have imagined when I was 16 or 17.

Now, the good news. When you're older, these age issues become less of an issue. I'm probably emotionally 6 to 7 years behind my peers. When you're 18, that's a huge problem because you cannot date an 11 or 12 year old!

However, when I was 29 I met a 22 year old girl in college and we instantly clicked. We operate on the same level, and we are still extremely close today. Neither one of us honestly has grown enough to handle a real relationship on society's terms, but between each other we seem to be a match so I'm hopeful.

I also ended up in another couple of relationships at the time that didn't last, but they were all very similar in that I could identify with someone 6 to 10 years younger than myself much more than my own peers. I'm in my late 30s and I can't even come close to relating to women my own age. It's like they're from another generation. It's not a youth attraction thing either, as while when I was 29, I could be attracted to a 21 or 22 year old, now I have no interest in anyone that young.

So.... maybe for now you're not ready for a relationship, but if you work on learning how to improve your social skills, in the future that kind of an age difference won't matter as much.



tim1982
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 20 Feb 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 31

01 Mar 2012, 1:30 am

Im 29 and I know im too immature to be in anymore relationships. Ive been in 5, and they have all been disasters. I cant handle the emotions and the break ups ruin me for about a month.
But you see my therapist wanted me to date thinking it would help me socially to have some female friends. I dont have any, and dont really want any. You'd think from seeing my facebook page that i know alot, but they are mostly relatives and people i know through my siblings. Not really friends. i cant even be friends with a girl. I will crush on them and then get heart broken and then get pissy towards them when the eventual rejection comes or revelation that they have no desire to ever like me back.
I know im too immature to date and years ago I said 30 was my cut off date for never dating again and giving up on relationships.



Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

01 Mar 2012, 4:39 am

Sixteen is far too young to let your life revolve around a relationship that may potentially end up not working out, I would say the best thing for you to do is enjoy yourself, focus on your academic or financial pursuits and just try to find meaning and stability in your life before getting involved at a deep level with someone.



Adam82
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 615

02 Mar 2012, 7:17 pm

I'm 29 and a half, and I'm emotionally immature as well. Way too immature to ever have a relationship.