Pokemon theory fail+ MR. LOVE

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Hi everyone,

my name is Ben and I wanted my problems shared:

So basically I'm a 20y/o male and have been diagnosted only a few month ago.
One of my mayor aspects is about love and dating, but that's not all
Personally I've somehow always felt that somthing isn't just right with me, but found out about Asperger's only like a year ago and then finally getting diagnosed was a huge relief for me. In the years before things have changed dramatically: Until I was about 13 I was just happy and hand't had any problems. But then everyone hit puberty and things got tough for me. At that time I had hardly any friends, started to get bullied and the girls making fun of me. I analysed the situation and tought that my only real concern is my lack of friends who would my life more interesting, protect me from bullies and somehow get me in contact with girls. As I had no idea about socializing or friends and no one to talk to, I kinda tought about it like Pokemon: Getting the first Pokemon is really difficult, you gotta talk to Dr. Oak bla bla but when you finally made that first Pokemon, you could catch another and train and so on. So i figurred out all I need is a friend in school and then all of the suddden other friends would start to pop up.
Since then I struggled with making my NT-style life and behavioring "normal.. tough my life turned really annoying. I couldn't chill in public anymore, because I felt uncomfortable among peers, always scared to miss a joke or do something stupid etc.
Well, I finally made some friends, but it's really hard for me to keep myself in touch with them and I constantly have to 'force' myself into meeting with these friends (that I really liked, but somehow felt being alone was more comfortable). Also, I came to a new school class where I wasn't bullied. I wasn't as satisfied with my life as I used to do as a kid, but heard positive feedback, like that I found a friend, so I thought I 'd just carry on until I was about 17.
At that point of my life I eventually recognized my Pokemon theory somehow didn't work out really:
1) Still had problems making friends, when I finally forced myself into meeting some friends and there where more ppl, I always end up having a hard time. I dunno, i just have to concentrate so much. Except for being completely lone (with also gets hard for me after some days) I like being with one person at the time best. That's why I often end up meeting 1-2 friends on a regular basis and neglecting the others.
When I'm in a group of 4 or more persons involved I usually try to get off inconspiciously since i dunno..it's just so hard for me..like when more then person speaks I'll get nothing, have difficulties following each 'individual' story etc. Adding something useful to the conversation then is nearly impossible for me, too.
2) Girls. Damn, this is so hard. To be perfectially honest with you guy, until then I was happy enough not to get enganged in any conflict or situation that can (which is usually really difficult for me recognize) be awkward. So when I turned 17 and saw a normal girl I only had like two goals: Don't behave strange and keep off conversation.
Furthermore, I seemed to have less interest in girls than males peers, they all seemed to have had a gf allready or can at least talk about girls. I kinda knew girls would give me a hard time, like any strange who's around me and had exactically 0 'experience' (like, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea about girls, what they were like and so on. I thought they were playing dolls after school. My sexual fantasies were so unrealistic, that, hands down, I literally couldn't masturbate to my very favorite fantasies, because they seem so stupid and unerotic. I mean, even for a 17y/o aspie they were pacetic. Fortunally know one ever asked me if I had any experiences with girls at at time. I would have probably tried to make up a story and I bet even normal 12y/o's would know it was fake. Mane, this gotta be the most embaressing thing I ever admit
When I imagined being with a girl, it had to be a fictional character. I mean, all girls hated or ignored me and I couldn't even imagine a situation where I spoke to them without feeling 'Dude, this is so dumb, why would she talk to you?'
Even when I thought about fictional characters, like Pokemon's Misty (ooops, still playing at 17), it was like it was her first day on my school and she randomly talks to me and then -magically- we end up being in bed the second later (Just because I couldn't even make up a conversation with a girl in my mind.)
Ok, I just noticed I already needed 2h to write this, so let's skip some out and turn back to presence:
So when I focus on real life girls, I don't even know which one I dig. Hard to explain, but lemme say on average I fall in love with 3 in 20 girls. For example I sat behind a hot girl in class. I was sure I was in love with her, as a constantly looked at her and imagined her being my gf. But then, maybe 0.5h later I see another girl where I get the exact same thing. Anyone an idea how to find out which girl you like the MOST?
But anyways, even if I find this out, that's about the easiest part. When I talk to a girl either the conversation stop, or either one of us -usually me- tries to end the conversation.
Furthermore I noticed even keeping the conversation alive for a couple of nuinutes is really hard to me and I sometimes even feel resentment for girls I talk to.
How can I possibly ever like girls or have a gf or something, when even a normal conversation is a pain in the a** for me already?

Eminem told you Life Is No Nintendo Game.
Secondly, I'd try and talk about topics you find interesting other than Pokemon. I can't imagine a girl getting all flirty since you caught a Mewtwo without a Master Ball.
I remember being in your position and at one point I thought 'Sod It! I'll talk.'

Girls are regular people, just like dudes. No need to be scared, we don't bite...most of us.

In regards to the hottie you sit behind in class etc. it sounds like you're experiencing physical attraction, not love. It's totally normal to experience physical attraction multiple times a day.

@PastFixations: Nintendo told me life is no eminem track. I've never talked with no girl about Pokemon. Plus I can't remember I've ever gotten Mewto without a master ball anyways..thx haven't played in 3years and now I start craving it again

@DogsWithoutHorses: Yes, exactly girls are just like dudes. And coping with them is enough for me already:
They are just less beatiful girls that talk less and seem to not talk about feelings (or other things even NT wouldn't care about..) so much.


I actually wanted to give you even more details yesterday, but I was running out of time so come to a quick end.
Lemme give you an exampel of a well-going day (like once a week per average): Fo exaple I'm seeing a nice girl while on my way to school. Then I think: 'Wow, nice girl, I should really talk to her. Aww, no it's gonna be difficult to understand what she meant or how to figure out if she likes me. NO MAN, you just gotta do it, you're 20, never had a girlfriend and your friend who's with you right now is gonna love you for doing it."
So, ok then after being in conversation for about a minute I start to feel boring. Even if I'm part of the conversation, understand the other poits of view and can respond quickly enough, it appears to me it's always the same. Btw. I also have problems differenting between ppl which doesn't make society more comfortable for me.
I literally have to fight to stay part of the chat (ok, not really literally). After 5mins or so it's either over (mostly when in a dialogue), I said something innaproppriate or stupid or it's the other guys talking and I try to look interested while I only concentrate on the books or computer that I'm gonna do when I'm finally back home. When I'm only with one friend again after I've talked to girls, they often tell me I screwed it up, because the girl thought I had no interest in her or they are like "Man, they obviously were interested in you, not in me so why didn'T you talk?" (or "Wtf, what were you talking about there, that's not the way we roll.")
Hands down I'm quite sexy More than most of my friends are. i hate it when even I notice the girls sometimes have no interest in my friends because of me and I tottaly fail and after she left everyone's like "yeah, we all liked her, but she liked you and damn, you talked so much BS, I can't believe you're THAT stupid."
This also gives me a disadvantage I guess, I started trying to flirt chiefly because I wanted to know what it's like and so that I could tell ppl I have had sex/a gf. But nowadays no one implies that no more, I dunno but from 17 to 20 I somehow turned cool. They also think my 'careless manner' is because I am sexy and many girls dig me and I'm so cool I wasn't interested in this peticular girl.
LOL, I kinda feel like a phony for that, girls flirting to me get disappointed after some minutes. Also I often talk to new girls because it's easier for me to find out what to say. Girls I know for a longer period of time like class mates or friend's friends end up disliking me no matter how interested in the beginning...

That's good as you know that telling an NT Girl you like Pokemon will get you teased. Especially if the NT Girl is one of those bossy talking types.
Also I got Mewtwo in a Poke Ball in Pokemon Red once.

If you're going to look at fiction for life lessons, you could do better than Pokemon. Somehow, I don't think Pokemon was written by a group of Casanovas. You have about 1000 years worth of brilliant fiction in the Western Canon to choose from, right from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales all the way down to things like James Joyce's Ulysses, some of the wisest minds about life in all of human history, and you chose - Pokemon.

But if you enjoy Pokemon (not to learn from, just to enjoy), that's ok. You're apparently embarrassed about still playing it at 17, well, I've never played it but my neighbour is this old biker who used to be an enforcer for Satan's Choice ... and he plays Pokemon all the time. Every time I go over he's there at the kitchen table, playing Pokemon. I think it's a bit odd but everyone has their quirks.

"I analysed the situation and tought that my only real concern is my lack of friends who would my life more interesting, protect me from bullies and somehow get me in contact with girls."

Friends are rarely any help at all when it comes to girls.

Try to find some girls with common interests and talk with them about it.
This wont solve all your issues around girls but its the best way to start imo.

Lately Ive been feeling more and more comfortable when talking to girls.
Why? because Ive been avoiding those that dont have something in common and I know that I have a certain advantage on every conversation I have with them since its usually about one of my interests.
Once I´ve had a few short conversations with them about whatever we have in common I try to move to topics that are less safe and see where things go.

It isnt easy but its better than sitting on a corner waiting for one of them to approach me since thats highly unlikely to happen.

Feel free to go by small steps since thats how most people start(I spent a while just people watching/researching on what worked for most people and the first months I was usually just waving at people that were on my classes and having short convos whenever one of them replied)

uh-oh, I shouldn't have used that Pokemon metaphore. This is about girls not pokemons, c'mon guys.
None of the answers really helped me so I'm looking forward to reading more aswers.