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What Women Mean by "Creepy"

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Kurgan
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12 Jun 2012, 10:58 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
ialdabaoth wrote:
"Creepy" is just another word for "needy".

Needy people are harder to exploit without giving them what they need first.

That makes them bad.


I don't think this is always true.
Creepy things, like old porcelain dolls, spiders, and being in a creaky old house alone at night, are things that make us uncomfortable.

I do think we're socialized to hide what we need from other people and so find people expressing their needs very vocally or very early on uncomfortable because they're breaking an internalized social norm. The same discomfort with norm breaking applies when the needs themselves break other internalized boundaries.

So while needy people can and certainly are sometimes seen as creepy, not all people seen as creepy are needy.

As far as needy people being less easy to exploit, I think that is very false.
Drug addicts, for example, have very pronounced needs and the needs themselves make them exploitable. When you know what somone's needs are it gives you a tool to exploit them with by granting/withholding what it is they need.


Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.



DogsWithoutHorses
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12 Jun 2012, 11:13 am

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
ialdabaoth wrote:
"Creepy" is just another word for "needy".

Needy people are harder to exploit without giving them what they need first.

That makes them bad.


I don't think this is always true.
Creepy things, like old porcelain dolls, spiders, and being in a creaky old house alone at night, are things that make us uncomfortable.

I do think we're socialized to hide what we need from other people and so find people expressing their needs very vocally or very early on uncomfortable because they're breaking an internalized social norm. The same discomfort with norm breaking applies when the needs themselves break other internalized boundaries.

So while needy people can and certainly are sometimes seen as creepy, not all people seen as creepy are needy.

As far as needy people being less easy to exploit, I think that is very false.
Drug addicts, for example, have very pronounced needs and the needs themselves make them exploitable. When you know what somone's needs are it gives you a tool to exploit them with by granting/withholding what it is they need.


Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.


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Kurgan
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12 Jun 2012, 11:18 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
ialdabaoth wrote:
"Creepy" is just another word for "needy".

Needy people are harder to exploit without giving them what they need first.

That makes them bad.


I don't think this is always true.
Creepy things, like old porcelain dolls, spiders, and being in a creaky old house alone at night, are things that make us uncomfortable.

I do think we're socialized to hide what we need from other people and so find people expressing their needs very vocally or very early on uncomfortable because they're breaking an internalized social norm. The same discomfort with norm breaking applies when the needs themselves break other internalized boundaries.

So while needy people can and certainly are sometimes seen as creepy, not all people seen as creepy are needy.

As far as needy people being less easy to exploit, I think that is very false.
Drug addicts, for example, have very pronounced needs and the needs themselves make them exploitable. When you know what somone's needs are it gives you a tool to exploit them with by granting/withholding what it is they need.


Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.

Depends on why they think the person is creepy. If a person haven't even interacted with tem and they label him as 'creepy' because he doesn't party, they're wrong. Most of the stuff that is perceived as creepy, wouldn't have been if it weren't for MTV and high school movies.

I don't like being touched and being touched makes me feel uneasy. I still don't label people who touch my shoulder as "creepy".



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12 Jun 2012, 11:32 am

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.


Depends on why they think the person is creepy. If a person haven't even interacted with them and they label him as 'creepy' because he doesn't party, they're wrong. Most of the stuff that is perceived as creepy, wouldn't have been if it weren't for MTV and high school movies.

I don't like being touched and being touched makes me feel uneasy. I still don't label people who touch my shoulder as "creepy".


Creepiness exists in the minds and feelings of others, if someone thinks you're creepy, you are to them. Their reasons don't really matter.

That's your choice, you get to decide what is and is not creepy to you.


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If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


Last edited by DogsWithoutHorses on 12 Jun 2012, 11:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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12 Jun 2012, 11:37 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Come on guys you can do better. Give us some GOOD examples!!

Do you want stories?


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Kurgan
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12 Jun 2012, 11:53 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.


Depends on why they think the person is creepy. If a person haven't even interacted with them and they label him as 'creepy' because he doesn't party, they're wrong. Most of the stuff that is perceived as creepy, wouldn't have been if it weren't for MTV and high school movies.

I don't like being touched and being touched makes me feel uneasy. I still don't label people who touch my shoulder as "creepy".


Creepiness exists in the minds and feelings of others, if someone thinks you're creepy, you are to them. Their reasons don't really matter.

That's your choice, you get to decide what is and is not creepy to you.


Feeling uncomfortable isn't necessarily the same as veing creeped out. I'm creeped out if I'm hit on by an ugly girl, but I'm not creeped out just because someone makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not a decission I've consciously made. A lot of girls use the term simply because it's a catch-all phrase that doesn't require any explanation.



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12 Jun 2012, 12:08 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Come on guys you can do better. Give us some GOOD examples!!

Do you want stories?


There once was a wealthy old Sultan. He had fifty wives and three hundred children. Then he was murdered by his eldest son, and there was complete chaos.
And that's why I can't write stories - they typically end up with a lot of unnecessary bloodshed before the end of the first page.



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12 Jun 2012, 12:16 pm

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.


Depends on why they think the person is creepy. If a person haven't even interacted with them and they label him as 'creepy' because he doesn't party, they're wrong. Most of the stuff that is perceived as creepy, wouldn't have been if it weren't for MTV and high school movies.

I don't like being touched and being touched makes me feel uneasy. I still don't label people who touch my shoulder as "creepy".


Creepiness exists in the minds and feelings of others, if someone thinks you're creepy, you are to them. Their reasons don't really matter.

That's your choice, you get to decide what is and is not creepy to you.


Feeling uncomfortable isn't necessarily the same as veing creeped out. I'm creeped out if I'm hit on by an ugly girl, but I'm not creeped out just because someone makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not a decission I've consciously made. A lot of girls use the term simply because it's a catch-all phrase that doesn't require any explanation.


True, you don't chose whether or not you feel something, you just chose how you express it. I thought you were describing something the gave you the heebiejeebies because I don't see the relevance if you weren't.

Creepy casts a pretty wide net. If someone doesn't want to be around someone (which I'm assuming here is the desired outcome of calling someone creepy in the situation you're describing) why should you have to have any explanation beyond that? So that someone has a chance to debate, pick at, and undermine their reasoning?
(1. Of or producing a sensation of uneasiness or fear, as of things crawling on one's skin: a creepy feeling; a creepy story.
2. Annoyingly unpleasant; repulsive: the creepy kids next door)

I don't understand why you are gendering and generalizing this as something "a lot of girls" do instead of something some people do? I know creepy is used to describe people with bad social/dating skills, as is crazy. But I think gender is a huge potential derail and the principle is basically the same independent of that factor.


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12 Jun 2012, 12:17 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Come on guys you can do better. Give us some GOOD examples!!

Do you want stories?


There once was a wealthy old Sultan. He had fifty wives and three hundred children. Then he was murdered by his eldest son, and there was complete chaos.
And that's why I can't write stories - they typically end up with a lot of unnecessary bloodshed before the end of the first page.


Aren't sultans usually murdered by brothers or grand viziers? :P



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12 Jun 2012, 12:22 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Creepy means different things depending on the person. Some trigger happy girls label anyone who's socially awkward as 'creepy'.


If that socially awkward person made them feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or afraid, no matter how much the person didn't mean to make them feel those things, they're right to call the person creepy because that is what creepy means.
Do different things make different people feel creeped out? yes
Are some people more easily creeped out than others? yes

This means sometimes someone is going to be completely comfortable with something someone else is going to get the major creeps from and that difference in emotional reaction doesn't make anybody wrong.


Depends on why they think the person is creepy. If a person haven't even interacted with them and they label him as 'creepy' because he doesn't party, they're wrong. Most of the stuff that is perceived as creepy, wouldn't have been if it weren't for MTV and high school movies.

I don't like being touched and being touched makes me feel uneasy. I still don't label people who touch my shoulder as "creepy".


Creepiness exists in the minds and feelings of others, if someone thinks you're creepy, you are to them. Their reasons don't really matter.

That's your choice, you get to decide what is and is not creepy to you.


Feeling uncomfortable isn't necessarily the same as veing creeped out. I'm creeped out if I'm hit on by an ugly girl, but I'm not creeped out just because someone makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not a decission I've consciously made. A lot of girls use the term simply because it's a catch-all phrase that doesn't require any explanation.


True, you don't chose whether or not you feel something, you just chose how you express it. I thought you were describing something the gave you the heebiejeebies because I don't see the relevance if you weren't.

Creepy casts a pretty wide net. If someone doesn't want to be around someone (which I'm assuming here is the desired outcome of calling someone creepy in the situation you're describing) why should you have to have any explanation beyond that? So that someone has a chance to debate, pick at, and undermine their reasoning?
(1. Of or producing a sensation of uneasiness or fear, as of things crawling on one's skin: a creepy feeling; a creepy story.
2. Annoyingly unpleasant; repulsive: the creepy kids next door)

I don't understand why you are gendering and generalizing this as something "a lot of girls" do instead of something some people do? I know creepy is used to describe people with bad social/dating skills, as is crazy. But I think gender is a huge potential derail and the principle is basically the same independent of that factor.


If someone who's socially awkward gives you a feeling similar to the one caused by a bug crawling on your skin, it means that you've been brainwashed by popular culture.

As far as this gender thing goes, men don't commonly use the word creepy unøess they're able to explain what makes something creepy.



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12 Jun 2012, 12:22 pm

Kurgan wrote:
HisDivineMajesty wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Come on guys you can do better. Give us some GOOD examples!!

Do you want stories?


There once was a wealthy old Sultan. He had fifty wives and three hundred children. Then he was murdered by his eldest son, and there was complete chaos.
And that's why I can't write stories - they typically end up with a lot of unnecessary bloodshed before the end of the first page.


Aren't sultans usually murdered by brothers or grand viziers? :P

Actually my question was for IlovemyAspie, but thanks for the laugh! :lol:


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12 Jun 2012, 12:43 pm

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Feeling uncomfortable isn't necessarily the same as veing creeped out. I'm creeped out if I'm hit on by an ugly girl, but I'm not creeped out just because someone makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not a decission I've consciously made. A lot of girls use the term simply because it's a catch-all phrase that doesn't require any explanation.


True, you don't chose whether or not you feel something, you just chose how you express it. I thought you were describing something the gave you the heebiejeebies because I don't see the relevance if you weren't.

Creepy casts a pretty wide net. If someone doesn't want to be around someone (which I'm assuming here is the desired outcome of calling someone creepy in the situation you're describing) why should you have to have any explanation beyond that? So that someone has a chance to debate, pick at, and undermine their reasoning?
(1. Of or producing a sensation of uneasiness or fear, as of things crawling on one's skin: a creepy feeling; a creepy story.
2. Annoyingly unpleasant; repulsive: the creepy kids next door)

I don't understand why you are gendering and generalizing this as something "a lot of girls" do instead of something some people do? I know creepy is used to describe people with bad social/dating skills, as is crazy. But I think gender is a huge potential derail and the principle is basically the same independent of that factor.


If someone who's socially awkward gives you a feeling similar to the one caused by a bug crawling on your skin, it means that you've been brainwashed by popular culture.

As far as this gender thing goes, men don't commonly use the word creepy unøess they're able to explain what makes something creepy.


Being sensitive to "off" behavior in other people does not mean you are brain washed. Socially awkward people can be scary because they don't recognize and so can't respect the boundaries that make people feel safe. It does no good to shame people into interactions with people that make them uncomfortable by calling them brainwashed.

I accept that that is the usage you've observed in your life. I've been called creepy (by people of all genders) from time to time for various behaviors related to my autism that made them uncomfortable in a way they weren't able to explain beyond that. And using a word like that as a write off is a thing men and women both do they may just chose different vocabulary to express their discomfort with the behavior of a member of the opposite sex (creepy/crazy).


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12 Jun 2012, 1:51 pm

I read a page of responses and not even 1 person made a detailed attempt at answering the question. I only saw 1 post from a guy who just listed words that were apparently meant to be taken as synonyms. That's not very helpful if you sincerely do not understand what creepiness is.

My guess is that someone who does not understand what creepiness is needs a detailed explicit definition that doesn't use synonyms.



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12 Jun 2012, 2:02 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
I read a page of responses and not even 1 person made a detailed attempt at answering the question. I only saw 1 post from a guy who just listed words that were apparently meant to be taken as synonyms. That's not very helpful if you sincerely do not understand what creepiness is.

My guess is that someone who does not understand what creepiness is needs a detailed explicit definition that doesn't use synonyms.


Is that all you saw? Do you have an explicit definition you would like to share with the rest of us?



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12 Jun 2012, 2:14 pm

I guess creepy is that feeling you get that you will never enjoy interacting with the person.

Someone doing nothing but worshiping you gets annoying and boring pretty quickly. You gotta bring something to the table to keep them interested... if you don't get them interested but keep putting yourself on their radar they're going to get frustrated.



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12 Jun 2012, 2:56 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Being sensitive to "off" behavior in other people does not mean you are brain washed. Socially awkward people can be scary because they don't recognize and so can't respect the boundaries that make people feel safe. It does no good to shame people into interactions with people that make them uncomfortable by calling them brainwashed.

I accept that that is the usage you've observed in your life. I've been called creepy (by people of all genders) from time to time for various behaviors related to my autism that made them uncomfortable in a way they weren't able to explain beyond that. And using a word like that as a write off is a thing men and women both do they may just chose different vocabulary to express their discomfort with the behavior of a member of the opposite sex (creepy/crazy).

Very well put!


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