Giving up

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Thinking it would be so much easier to just throw in the towel and not care anymore. Who all here has done that? I realize that anyone who has probably wouldn't be browsing this forum anyway, but on the off chance that there are people who do, then I'd like to know what your thoughts are and what you've experienced.

How hard was it to do? To simply admit to yourself that it is just not meant for you? Or was it easy? I understand there are some who really just don't care for relationships, so it's really no big deal for them. You're free to reply as well, but I'd much rather hear from those who have been on the other end. I've almost always been obsessed with the idea, and it's only become more and more discouraging over the past decade.

I've come to find that there is no one who exists who could live up to my expectations. Settling would just lead to an incredibly empty relationship, as I'd already experienced for around two whole years. Why would I want to put myself or anyone else through that again? It's not worth it. Nor is it worth it to be repeatedly rejected by others who aren't worth my time.

Only hard part is trying to accept the fact so many others are able to have what I simply can not. What is so wrong with me that pushes others away? Or attracts those I really would never want to associate with, for that matter.

Any other opinions on the matter would be very much appreciated.

I'm struggling with this too. Just got out of a 3.5 year relationship that had beccome depressingly empty and I realised he was not the person I first started dating. The first year went well then he stopped putting any effort into it, And it makes me feel like, why even try.

My parents are divorced, so I don't have some shining example in my life to make me believe it will work out for me. Yet the idea of just giving up entirely is scary too. I know lots of people my age starting to get married now and it has me down. I want someone to share my life with, but it feels completely out of reach.

I think the problem is, the people who would be good for me aren't attracted to me, and the people who will like me are too similar to me in terms of AS symptoms or general social awkwardness but too different in terms of belief systems/general compatibility/interests. I feel like a weird person who's too AS for a normal person but too normal for an AS person.

But I keep holding on to some stupid hope that it will all work out for me.

When I was 30 years old I threw in the towel. That's it. I'm done. World, it's been real. See you in the next frontier. I used a bottle of Michelob to wash down 47 sleeping pills. For my efforts I received two days of stomach pumping in an acute care hospital and 2 months of care in a large psych hospital. At some point they tested me and thought I was autistic. In those days, since they lumped mentally ret*d folks and autistics together, I was placed with them. They were low functioning and low IQ though, so after 2 days I ended back up with just the suicide folks.

I want to be happy, you know? I wanna go out and do things and see the world and taste this and experience that and touch this and see that. Recently I started Risperdal. It seems to be working because out of my current depression I was able to start writing a short story. I have about one moth to go with it but at least I'm on the right track.

I am curious, though: there is no one to live up to your expectations? What are they? You know, if there's anything I learned - and anything I'll take with me to the next life - is that we're not all that unique. There are others just like us. We just have to find 'em.

I didn't mean suicide; just giving up on finding a partner and just finding other things in life to take up all my time. I think that I might have been there, though, months ago. I'm sorry to hear that you'd gone through that, Redrobin.

I don;t think my expectations are too high - or, rather, too shallow. I do find people attractive, but I really don't care about looks, nor am I too materialistic. Perhaps I feel that way because I've been the victim of people with those values myself. It seems those kinds of people make up most of the world. Everyone is out for self, only looking for the next person to mooch off of or to hurt just for the fun of it. You'd think that it wouldn't be hard to find someone who isn't that rotten. I thought I finally did a couple years ago, but as with most girls, she rejected me, and still the same as the others, won't tell me what she doesn't like about me. It's a game that you just can't win. To find someone who is without all those faults is hard enough as it is, and then to be shot down by her is even worse.

in my opinion if you are looking then you are not happy currently and if you are not happy you will not be so appealing to potential partners.

i guess there a bit of both is required sometimes

I dont know why I have decided to start looking again, perhaps I am wasting my time and I should just give up again Ill just get heartbroken again anyways.

After several bad relationships and a divorce from an abusive husband, when I was 21 I decided "forget it, I'm not looking for a relationship anymore". I decided that I'd date if I was asked out, I'd go out with friends, I'd hang out with people and have fun but I would not look for, or even enter into a relationship. Ever.

The next month I met my husband and we fell in love.

Lots of times when people stop looking, thats when they find love. I don't know what it is about it, maybe it's the fact that you are more relaxed and not trying as hard or something, I don't know. But it's happened like that to several people I know.

My husband also said when we first got together that he wasn't going to marry until he was 50 and he was never having kids. I never wanted kids either. We married at 22 and 23 and have 4 kids and a grandbaby. So much for planning, huh?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Sure, that kind of thing can happen, but there's plenty to show that it just doesn't happen for some people regardless of what they do. I doubt it's as simple as just not looking. It's more luck than that. One of my uncles hasn't been looking and he's been out living on his own for years. Never mind all the people here on WP who may be just as old and still have not come any closer to finding anyone. I really hate this idea some seem to spread about there being such things as soul mates when it's pretty obvious that it's BS. They only see what they want to see.

Let me give you my experience and views. At age 19 I met my current wife. Before I met her I was in 0, none, relationships. I wish I didn't have to be subjected to the constant emotional drain that marriage brings. During the last 10 years there have been periods of time that we were physically seperated and I was fine with it. She has an extreme emotional attachment to me but I don't feel it the same way back. Relationships are way overrated.

I don't see why it has to be about what I can bring or what I deserve. Humans are not meant to be bought or sold; they're more than the sum of their parts, despite what society nowadays would rather have you think. All I'm asking is to not be treated like ****. I do my best to treat everyone with the same amount of respect and kindness and give the benefit of the doubt, and all that really happens is I get used in one way or another. It only goes to show just how awful a lot of people have become.

...I've given up ever trying. I lost too much confidence that to risk any of what I have is not healthy. Part of me doesn't care about relationships, they're always biased, drama, unattainable - makes social situations even more difficult. It's tough at times, being single though.

There's nothing wrong with throwing in the towel, but it depends on how you do it.

Scenario 1: You could give up then drown yourself in despair by saying things like "I will never find love, so it's not worth the bother anymore"

or

Scenario 2: You could give up and resolve yourself to working towards being happy and content with other pleasures/joys that life offers. Intellectual/artistic pursuits, spiritual growth, friendships with people of both genders etc.

In the second scenario, you greatly increase your chances of proving the old stereotype of "if you stop looking for love, you will find it." In the first scenario, the chances are close to zero, and you don't get any extra benefits like learning mind-bending theories about the physical world. Think of it as a Pascal's wager for relationships.

Ive given up on approaching. 0 out of close to a thousand tries all over the western hemisphere in the span of 6 years means to me that theres no point in bothering anymore.